tweetybird

So my ex-A has decided to follow his musical dream and move to Canada (or close to it in NY). He came over for dinner and announced to our children that he had been laid off, has some opportunities (and a girl) in Buffalo, and would they "mind" if he moved? He also asked me, I said - "I'm not your mother, you do what you want to". Although I am truly upset with him, leaving his children once again, first at ages 4 & 2 and now at 10 & 12. And guess who gets to hold it all together! The kids say they are ok with it, but I'm really worried about abandonment issues coming up in the future and it will, especially with my daughter who is already having a hard time with the seperation from my current A whose in jail. Oh well, just had to vent somewhere, I would love some input from you guys here. Should I have really voiced how I feel? His typical selfish A self thinking of nobody but himself, even when he's dry. ..... always looking to escape.... the grass is always greener.....

Thanks - Sherri

JT

Tweety,

If you are concerned about the kids perhaps some Alateen or some councelling may be in order. And of course you can always be the stable force in their lives. You can't change that he is leaving and I wouldn't feel a bit bad about what you said. He asked...you anwered. Can they be in touch with him by phone or letter?

It is hard to watch your children be hurt and not be able to stop it.

Hugs,
JT

Kittycat

Sherri,
My first ex A....has not seen his kids in 10 years. I am sure it has hurt them deeply, so far I can't see anything really bad that has come of it. They were 15.17 19 when he cut off the relationship totally. One went into counselling...........they are all non drinking...non drug using healthy adults today...26.30 and 32.
I know they think of him.......I even sent him a picture of his grandaughter...that did not spark a call. SO....stay away I say, perhaps they are better off.
You just have to be there even more for them and watch them close...I was a tough Mom and took no grief and had super rules.
Ok...........call me Mommie Dearest LOLOL
Good luck to you
Love Kitty

osier59

Sherri,

Sometimes we have to make some hard decisions that affect our kids. I have left twice, and both times it was the best thing for my boys and me. It came down to this: did I want them to think that was how moms and dads and/or husbands and wives really treated one another? Was that the kind of marriage I wanted them to emulate? HECK no.

My sons and I have a marvelous relationship. Their dad is recovering and is a great parent, and after all these years we can communicate pleasantly with regards to our children.

Their step dad, well he's a different story. We all have our own issues with him, and I have told my sons (18 and 20) that they can renew or NOT renew the relationship but its entirely up to them. They both know that he and I are toxic together and will NOT be together again.... and they know him well enough to recognize manipulative behaviors.

So, know that your kids watch what you do, and if you are practicing self respect and recovery, then its a GOOD THING.

Hugs to you !
Osier59

tweetybird

Thanks you guys!

Osier59 my x and I have a fairly good relationship. He even rented a room in our home from me until July!!! I asked him to move, wanted to be back on my own - he was here for all the changes going on with my A. I see you're point but honesly, I feel this choice of his is selfish. I would never even think of leaving my children, my life revolves around them. I brought them into this world and won't stop caring for them until they are old enough to do that for themself. He could get a job around here, no problem.

And Kitty - thanks for the inspiration. Also, my daughters favorite old movie IS Mommy Dearest!! (I like to think it makes her realize my rules and way of doing things isn't all that bad!!!)

Sher