Free After 18 Years

Old 10-03-2002, 01:22 PM
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: california
Posts: 15
Free After 18 Years

After 18 years of living with a functional alcoholic, I finally said enough is enough. I thank God Almighty for giving me the strength to stop this dysfunctional life I have been living. My A was always had a good job, great helping around the house, good with the kids, good to me (not abusive or mean) but his alcoholism drove me crazy. We went from his every day drinking to then just weekends, with me trying to control his every beer. Now I realize how sick I was trying to change him all these years. It hurt that he choose not to give up alcohol for his two beautiful children and great wife, but thats his choice. I know there is lots of women out there that can't imagine a life without their husband who they love, but I want to tell you the peace of mind you will have by yourself without the A is so rewarding, you just have to get to the point to say, "I am responsible for my own happiness and I can find that happiness within myself". Yes it was the hardest thing I ever had to do, and I just take one day at a time. I am finding new friends through Church, and am going to a support recovery group there. (A lot of churches do have these type of programs). I have been reading a lot of the posts on here for the last month and just wanted to share. Barb
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Old 10-03-2002, 02:58 PM
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No More Mrs. Nice Guy
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Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Welcome Barb!

Glad to hear that things are going well for you. It's amazing how noisy and cluttered our lives can become without our knowing it.... and how beautiful the peace and serenity can be once you start to experience them

It's so good that you have found the support of church and some groups. You can learn so much from others' experience, strength and hope. Keep coming back here too. There are a lot of savvy people here who have already been down this road, and you will find great wisdom, support and humor here.

Again, welcome to our family
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Old 10-03-2002, 04:03 PM
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Hello Barb,
Welcome to the recovery forum! Congratulations on taking a step that has made you feel more peaceful. Thanks for sharing your experience with us... keep posting!

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Old 10-03-2002, 04:15 PM
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Supply Manager
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Welcome from me too,

I too live with a functioning drinker and I have chosen to stay. There are no children at home, we don't fight and he is good to me. I deal with the drinking with the help of alot of program years and these wonderful people. And I too have happiness and serenity today. That is the great think about this life...we all have our own choices and none of them are wrong!

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Old 10-03-2002, 08:50 PM
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Fantastic Member
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Location: Chicago, Illinois
Posts: 176
welcome Barb!
I am on my way out (divorce) , my second A. I am just starting to feel the lonliness and I am glad to hear you are doing well. Last time was easier...I was much younger...hope all goes well, and I truly understand "when you just can't take it anymore"! I have a good lifestyle and I will be giving up a ton of monetary rewards....but I can' take the drinking!
Love Kitty
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Old 10-05-2002, 06:48 AM
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Welcome Peaceful!
Glad your with us. Share Share and more Share.....thats what we do. Sounds like your already doing well with going to the meetings. Thats a great start. Hang in there and keep coming back here.

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Old 10-05-2002, 07:03 AM
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Hi Peaceful

I don't know how I missed this, but welcome to the family. Sounds like you are well on your way with your recovery and we are happy to have you share with us.
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Old 08-20-2003, 01:47 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: san jose ca
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to intro myself

i have 20 month and a new computer so here i go . i love recovery and want to say hello world . if i had one thing aa has givin me is a graceus god ,
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Old 08-20-2003, 02:00 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: El Cajon, CA
Posts: 88
I'm almost there with you! My AH is a functioning alcoholic, my last AH was not. I thought it would be different with a functioning one, but found out the same feelings still apply. It's the same basic behavior with just a few different quirks.

Good luck to you! Definitely keep the support groups and church going. I just started going to church again and I am beginning to get back my strength and I feel more serene about what is happening.

Welcome to the group!
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Old 08-20-2003, 07:10 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Baltimore,MD
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Congratulations on your happiness, your new life and new outlook!
My AH is mostly a weekend warrior and has had several sober months here and there but only as a dry drunk, never in recovery. He usually just stoped when he really drove me over the edge and did something that was really awful. Then like most dry drunks, he just gradually started drinking again.
At this point I am working on me and if the new me feels I can't live like this anymore, love or no love will not make me stay.
I too have a whole lot to lose, esspecially the love of my life but my sanity id worth more than anything in the world.
Best of luck!
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Old 08-24-2003, 04:24 PM
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Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: ottumwa, Iowa
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I'm jealous! How I dream of leaving my AH, I'm finacially stuck with him for another year and 9 months. I'm sure I'll still want out after all that time. I know he won't/can't change. Some day soon I'll have that peace of mind too. I'll keep watching your posts for that inspiration.
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Old 08-24-2003, 05:01 PM
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Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: california
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Selhan, I hope if you really want out, you will find a way if you can in the next few years. I know I spent way too many years in this type of lifestyle. But I believe its truly for the best for me. I have made myself find my own life again, though it has been hard after almost 20 years of concentrating on his "alcoholism" instead of my own happiness and health. At times its tough, there were a lot of good times (when he wasn't drinking), and I know he loved his kids and me, but his first love will always be alcohol, and I dont want to be second to it. There is no respect left for this man, and thats why i could not stay married to him. I am thankful that he gave me two great daughters. you take care and i will say a prayer that all works out for you.
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