CodeMaster

I wont play it off...
Ever since our relationship crashed, I have dreams of her every single night.
Every morning when I wake up she is the person on my mind.
I havent had peace for sleeping since... but during the day, maybe its cause I focus on myself, I do find happiness in my heart, sanity and confidence all returning quickly. I walk no more in misery, but with excitement and life has thrown an overwhelming amount of blessings to my life personally I am grateful.

Yesterday I took a nap, as I was doing my business during the day, I realized I didnt dream of her during this nap for once. Then last night, I slept, and this morning I also realized I didnt dream of her again.

I woke up with peace.... my days are fine cause I can attempt to control myself and what I do and think. But my nights still suffer.

I remember people telling me I have to walk through the fire, or else it will always still be there, even if I choose to ignore it or try to numb it out. I remember I shouldnt play around or date anyone seriously cause I must first walk through this fire of pain.

Just how does one walk through it so I can get this over with. I only hope for more nights of peaceful rest.

Any help really appreciated...

mParnell

That kind of thing takes time and I think it's different for everyone.
I think relationships that end with alot of heart ach are ment to be learned from like a lesson to grow from. Maybe the reason she is still in your mind is because you need to look deeper at what happened and work through it.
Good luck bro... as you walk though you fire of pain, walk proud.

Cynay

I agree... maybe the reason you are still dreaming of her is because there is something unfinished inside.

I dont dream about my ex-ABF so much anymore but I can tell you there is not a day that goes by I dont think about him, have conversations with myself about what I will say in any given situation etc.... I dont think I have unfinished issues with him, I think it just plane out still hurts. I love him... so how do you think that love will die so quickly... I hoping what we both need is just more time.

*hugs* hang in there... it will come

fingerscrossed

Codemaster--I am there every night also. it is so hard when I first wake up--he used to call me like clockwork every morning right before 7--I didn't need an alarm clock. At first I used to be in shock, just numb and now I accept it, but it hurts like hell. As the morning goes on, it gets better, but the nights?

I guess I never thought he wouldn't be there for me. We were trying to have a baby, were getting engaged, and then within 2 weeks of his relapse--I was dirt under his feet. I have analyzed it from every angle, and I guess it all comes back to teh big A.

Minx1969

Code,

**Big sigh** There's no easy way is there? You just keep on getting up every day and living..and grieving..

It's been 8 months for me and still a day does not go by that I do not think about him..Although it is not as much..I hope that one day I'll wake up and not think about him at all..that day has not come yet..

There are things that still trigger grief in me..Yesterday I went to a Tapas (Spanish Restaurant) and heard the music that he plays (Gypsy Kings, Ottmar Liebert etc) and saw a picture of one of his friends who is a flamenco dancer (he's a flamenco guitarist)..and I cried on the way home.. I was so grateful that it was Sunday night and that I had an AA and an Alanon meeting to go to..

It bums me out that I can't listen to certain music because it reminds me of him..

I just have to deal with the pain as it comes, feel it and release it..I keep praying for him..

it does get better...I think I will always love him though..

CodeMaster

Maybe trying to find someone else better will do the trick?

Minx1969

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ad.php?t=57577

Remember this thread you started two weeks ago? I'm hear to remind you of what we all had to say...

You have to heal yourself before you will find better..Code - I'm speaking my own experience here! I have dated a few alcoholics at this point..granted the last was better but I'm the one broken here..I keep picking them..

Minx1969

PS..I went through months of insomnia..never thought I'd sleep again..I'm sleeping like a baby now..If you sleep is really bad you can go to an MD for some sleeping pills..I use homopathic remedies and mediation, journalling also help me get peaceful before I go to sleep..

Beautiful

Put on your big pink boa and strut your stuff like Phyllis Diller! LOL

Not taking anything from the hurt...........just giving you a break in the sadness.

Blue2085

Of course you'll want to find someone better.
And you probibly will. Just realize it might not happen over night.
Walking through fires builds calluses.

CodeMaster

Hmm... make myself stronger in order to find better... that makes sense, and I know its been said before, maybe I just needed a reminder... It is definitly something very well worth walking through the fire for....

mParnell

That's the ticket brother. You sound like a new man already.
Sometimes we lose site of how much inner strength we posses.
Giving you props NOCAL

fingerscrossed

I have had a few guys interested in me, but I find myself getting very scared. I think I need to ly low for a bit longer. I read the John Gray book--Starting Over and one point he makes, which helps me is that my ex can't hurt me any longer. He did, it is done and finished. And he also drives home the point that if he was perfect for me, well, he would be by my side right now. I can go on to find someone right for me, just be open to it and give it time.

But I really loved this man--I can'tr explain it, but just looking at him made my heart sing. Sigh.

quietsins

walking thru the pain is what i am doing too. i used to pray all the time for him. all the time. it ate up my entire day praying for him. and then my sponsor said i wasnt living if i wasnt doing what makes me happy.

so i sat and looked at what makes me happy, forced myself the first few times, but it got easier with time.

i used to have such terrible dreams, but after the last few weeks, they got better. i start and end each day with a prayer for him to find peace, joy, happiness, strength, courage and wisdom.

and then i put one foot in front of the other and just try to do the right thing. it is when we are doing the next right thing, that we find our agony released into gods hands, and our hands have more time to reach out to those around us whom are gifts from god. and do good things.

CodeMaster

Good stuff, thanks... I forgot in order to find high quality I have to first be high quality. Makes good sense... and FingersCrossed, those are good points....

I guess I just tripped a little today, had my first night of no dreams of her... I got a taste of peace during my nights again, I just dont want it to go away. But from what I hear, time makes it better, not worst.

Thanks for picking me back up off the floor everyone. Much love appreciated.

Rho

U know we can all give U suggestions, but will one work? Hey if you find one that does please tell me about it pleas tell me about it??

I am only saying that becuase I want to know what it is to have one day pass that I do not think, wonder or want to be with my ex. He isn't an ex but yet he is. We are married, livnig in 2 seperate homes since Feb of 04. I would did give him the world, then I Fed up and fell into using with him thinking it would bring us closer instead of threeating to leave each time he choice drugs over me and our son.

I have men hit on me all the time, I don't want them! I want my so called perfect marrage, but I guess i have to get GO of all my thoughts f hum and move foreard with out him, thoughts of him pictures

Who knows maybe i need to be brained washed?

CodeMaster

Rho, you dont need to be brain washed.... it is simply a justified desired to want what was supposed to be a life time marriage building up a family with children. I mean, maybe if you guys were just bf/gf, then sure, its easy for me to say drop the guy.

But I can understand your desire for that "perfect marriage" as I'm sure many, everyone here, wanted... its so unfair, especially with kids in the picture, its even more unfair isnt it?

I wont even pretend I understand the pain most people go through since I'm not even marriage or with kids, I can only taste a small bit of what everyone feels and I can only offer my sorry, a hug, and my prayers to destiny.

I will let you know when I find someting that works, so far whats helped has been love from friends, I cant tell you how deep some of this has grown to become and how awesome a "normal" relationship can really be. Focusing on myself from working out, finances, going out with friends, dreaming about who I want to date next, taking care of errands before job, quit smoking etc etc etc... it has really helped make me feel so much healthier and happier, though I cant say I'm completly healed. Just that I noticed a great deal of sanity, confidence and excitement entering my heart ever since I've changed in those ways.

I hope you may find your destiny and why destiny has allowed you to go through all you've gone through. It has its purposes for you and reasons for everything.

newbeginings

Many years ago I was in a horrible relationship that ended with my having a nervous breakdown. I was in severe depression. Most nights I had dreams of him, and they weren't happy dreams. But I did find that the worse the dream was, the better day I had the next day. My counsellor at the time told me the dreams were my subconscious trying to work through things. Still was a terrible time for me. Even 20+ years later I still occasionally dream of him. Hopefully you'll work through whatever it is that you need to and will be able to sleep peacefully soon.

Magichappens

Part of letting the past go is grieving. It takes time to face the reality that something that I care about is gone. But in order to move forward, I have to gradually learn to face the reality that that part of my life is over. Experiencing the sadness, anger, and eventually acceptance is part of the process.

When something is gone, we are wounded. The healing process is essential to find serenity again. It takes work to move through the process. Without sharing, receiving help and support, and looking to move forward, we can get stuck. I play a part in how long I will stay stuck in the same place. Pain is part of life, but suffering is optional. Keep moving forward, one day at a time. Try to accept that the past is the past, and we only have today. Make today the best it can possibly be. The healing will come. Hugs, Magic

sweetness

My AM used to date this guy that was an alcoholic and finally after things got so abusively bad and I started drilling into her head all of the bad things that this person was doing to our lives ( hers, me, my brother and sister they're much younger) as well after 3 yrs of doing this she finally kicked him out after he had cheated on her. She had got back together with my step-dad (a man who never drinks and was always kind to my mom and a loving father to all of us) she had always told me that she missed him so much (her EX-ABF) but, she missed being "drunk" with him because thats all that they were together, she doesnt drink much anymore maybe one or two king cans of beer a month thats it compared to a 12pk every night. But thats it she missed the good times because now that they werent together she wasnt having parties and going to bars to get totally hammered. But that passed once she realized that she was wasting time and money as well as destroying any kind of relationship she had with me or my brother and sister.. I guess what I'm trying to say is when they are right infront of you doing wrong it is easy to see all of the bad, but its when they arent around you see all of the stuff that you did together all of the fun that you had. But you are the one that has to decide whether or not you want to have that kind of fun and if it was worth all of the heartache that you suffered to give it another shot. And as for you napping and not dreaming of her maybe you're starting to let her go, when you put time and effort into a relationship its hard to forget about it. Make sure you figure yourself out before you consider giving it another shot. You might just find that the dreams are memories, and maybe thats all. Memories arent over you can make them with anyone, hopefully someone who will make you happy, in everyway not just some of the time.. Hopefully this helps.