I have made a decision and it feels good
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Virginia
Posts: 175
I have made a decision and it feels good
I've made a decision not to get back with my ex. I have been in limbo for sooooo long that I felt like I was going crazy.
I know I've hurt him and his heart is breaking. I feel really sad and sorry for him but I can't control it anymore for him. I had this illusion that I could cushion the fall for him but what I was doing was hurting myself and stil hurting him too because I wasn't honest.
Now, he's leaving me messages trying I guess to make me feel guilty for him. Him calling me at 4:30am leaving voice mails telling me how much he can't sleep and how much I'm breaking his heart. I was feeling guilty but then realized I have no reason to feel guilty.
It's not my fault that he is still drinking and treats me like a possession rather than his wife. It's not fault that he shows no responsiblity when it comes to his children. He still trys to control and manipulate me and trys to justify everything.
I know I don't want to live my life like that. I am not doing me, him, or the kids any good by holding on. There is a sense of inner peace by letting go.
I'm ready to let go. I'm only hurting him more by holding on to what I know is gone. I love him enough to let him go so hopefully he can find himself and be truely happy one day. I can't make him happy. I will always love him. I now know that I'm not in love with him any more. Just too must water under the bridge.
I'm not good at making decisions. I haven't ever trusted my judgement or my gut. I'm trying now, I can't be afraid to make a mistake or wrong. I'm not perfect. It's time that I realize that.
Love You Guys,
Galnva
I know I've hurt him and his heart is breaking. I feel really sad and sorry for him but I can't control it anymore for him. I had this illusion that I could cushion the fall for him but what I was doing was hurting myself and stil hurting him too because I wasn't honest.
Now, he's leaving me messages trying I guess to make me feel guilty for him. Him calling me at 4:30am leaving voice mails telling me how much he can't sleep and how much I'm breaking his heart. I was feeling guilty but then realized I have no reason to feel guilty.
It's not my fault that he is still drinking and treats me like a possession rather than his wife. It's not fault that he shows no responsiblity when it comes to his children. He still trys to control and manipulate me and trys to justify everything.
I know I don't want to live my life like that. I am not doing me, him, or the kids any good by holding on. There is a sense of inner peace by letting go.
I'm ready to let go. I'm only hurting him more by holding on to what I know is gone. I love him enough to let him go so hopefully he can find himself and be truely happy one day. I can't make him happy. I will always love him. I now know that I'm not in love with him any more. Just too must water under the bridge.
I'm not good at making decisions. I haven't ever trusted my judgement or my gut. I'm trying now, I can't be afraid to make a mistake or wrong. I'm not perfect. It's time that I realize that.
Love You Guys,
Galnva
Guest
Posts: n/a
Galnva,
Everything you've said sounds so clear and makes so much sense. I'm so glad you are finding peace in your decision.
Now try to get some rest. It sounds like your brain has been working overtime on this issue.
Are you exausted?
Hugs,
MG
Everything you've said sounds so clear and makes so much sense. I'm so glad you are finding peace in your decision.
Now try to get some rest. It sounds like your brain has been working overtime on this issue.
Are you exausted?
Hugs,
MG
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Galnva,
You do sound clear and all your reasons are valid. Being on the fence is so hard. You have to jump down on one side or the other at some point. Better to decide which side you want to be on instead of just falling off from exhaustion with no control of the outcome.
Hugs,
JT
You do sound clear and all your reasons are valid. Being on the fence is so hard. You have to jump down on one side or the other at some point. Better to decide which side you want to be on instead of just falling off from exhaustion with no control of the outcome.
Hugs,
JT
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Galnva,
The topic at my Al Anon meeting tonight was one of the slogans: Keep an open mind. Your inspiration and strength will come from places you least expect it. It sounds like you are doing the right things in taking care of yourself and setting boundaries. Celebrate your small victories, and give yourself a well deserved HUG.
Osier 59
The topic at my Al Anon meeting tonight was one of the slogans: Keep an open mind. Your inspiration and strength will come from places you least expect it. It sounds like you are doing the right things in taking care of yourself and setting boundaries. Celebrate your small victories, and give yourself a well deserved HUG.
Osier 59
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