Old 05-04-2005, 09:30 AM
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I called my AH last night to see if he was going to get the kids or not.....I have to stop doing that, but I haven't had a chance to talk to him yet to find out a definate "Is he or isn't he" going to be able to get them, instead of his "I don't know, maybe/maybe not".

Anyway, he didn't answer. So I figured 1. he was at work, or 2. he was asleep (it was about the time he would have been starting his second job). So, I left my message for him to call me ~ Yeah....I didn't keep calling till he answered!!!!

He called this AM and said he was on his way to get the kids (figured he got my message, but I was ready to leave with the kids just in case).

When he got there, I asked him if he made it to work on time (I know, not my problem, but I was concerned b/c I know how tired he is). He said no. Oops. I asked him if they got mad (not my problem, but concerned) He said he didn't know. Okay, so then I asked him what time he made it there. He said he didn't go in and when he called they had already left (he called this am when he got up). Then he said, "I don't know if I have a job or not. Guess I'll find out when I go back tonight." oye.... I really didn't react, I wanted to say "Why didn't you ask me to call you? to make sure you were up?" But then I figured that wouldn't have done any good now, the damage was done. If he wants me to call he will ask.

I have got to stop asking so many questions, but how do you make conversation without asking questions....I mean, I usually always ask about his job and work...not just because I'm curious, but b/c I like it when someone asks me how my day was or whatever, so that's what I do. I ask. Making conversation. Does that make sense?

Now I'm afraid if he looses this job he'll start drinking again. But that is on him and I cannot accept the responsibility.
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Old 05-04-2005, 09:42 AM
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you don't have to quit asking questions, you just have to stop asking those questions about his job and those things that are totally his concern. there's got to be something else you can chat about. steer yourself away from that - don't get too close to the edge of that quicksand pit jess!
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Old 05-04-2005, 09:46 AM
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Searching and tripping
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Trying to keep the lines of conversation open without being a nosy body with the alcoholic is difficult. One thing I did was instead of asking them questions (husband and son), I would fill them in on stuff around the house (not overly exciting), phone calls, emails, what happened in general. It seemed to open the door for them to talk...if they wanted to. And if it didn't work, then I just backed off. I till feel the need to play 20 questions wtih my son because he can be such a dippy doodle at times. He's got ADD, suffers from depression along with working a recovery program. So I know where you come from when you feel the need to ask questions. It's tough.
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Old 05-04-2005, 09:48 AM
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I am trying SOOO hard not to ask my husband anything about his new job. I WANT to pepper him with questions about it, but he is exhausted. I am very proud of myself that I have been able to just be quiet and talk about other stuff. He usually shares in his own time.

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Old 05-04-2005, 11:38 AM
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Conversating with him has ALWAYS been hard. From day one (yes, 15 years ago). I've gotten into the habit of asking questions, seems that is the only way I can get him to open up and say anything.

I guess I have to accept that he is the way his and if he has something to say, he will say it. Time to make some more changes to me

I really have fallen backwards a bit, but I'm getting back up and moving forward.

Thanks guys!!
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Old 05-04-2005, 11:43 AM
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Jessica, we all stumble sometimes, but at least now we come here for guidance.

Why not talk about the kids? That's something you have in common and it's important that he keeps up to speed with what they've been doing.

Is it time to get a more formal agreement about when he picks the kids up? I don't mean formal as in lawyers, just a more structured arrangement. This might cut down on some of the stress.

Take care hon


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