Step Study - Step 5
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Step Study - Step 5
There is a lot of literature and info about Step 5, but it can be summed up quite simply : We are only as sick as our secrets.
Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
As we prepare to admit our faults, we can begin by asking ourselves the following questions or use them for a group discussion:
If I have completed my Fourth Step inventory, how do I feel about sharing details of my past with another person?
In what areas of my past am I willing to be completely honest?
What are some of the advantages I might get from admitting my faults?
Do I understand the healing relief that honestly admitting my faults can bring?
What expectations do I have about how I should feel or what I should experience when I admit my faults?
Am I ready to let these expectations go and allow the God of my understanding to determine the best results for me? How do I know?
If I do not feel ready to do this step, do I need to do more work on Steps One through Four?
Would I be willing to group my inventory into things I could admit, things I might admit, and things I think, “No Way! I’ll never be able to do that,” and then start with the “could” list?
Am I afraid to admit my faults to my Higher Power? Why?
Who in the program could I call to discuss my fears about God?
Could I make a list of my fears and turn them over? What are my fears?
How can admitting my faults to the God of my understanding help me?
Can I concede that I am not perfect? How can I quit trying to be?
How do I try to excuse myself from harms I may have done?
With whom will I share my Fifth Step? What qualities make me choose this person? Do I trust him or her?
Do I have any of those qualities myself? Did I list them under my assets?
What may block me from trusting someone with my truth? Can I share these fears with another person?
How does my desire to be perfect block me from believing someone could love me unconditionally, even after hearing my Fifth Step?
How can telling someone else the exact nature of my wrongs enhance my ability to see myself?
How have I isolated myself? Do I believe that sharing with another person can lead to relief from isolation?
What is the one thing I don’t want to tell another person? Can I start there?
Can being honest and admitting a mistake have positive consequences? What are they?
Can I remember when another person admitted a fault or mistake to me and I understood and didn’t judge?
In doing this Fifth Step, what have I learned about the exact nature of my wrongs?
What have I learned about fear? Honesty? Trust? Acceptance?
How did I feel after sharing with God? Admitting to myself? Sharing with another person?
What, if anything, have I left out? If I have completed Step Five, what am I feeling? Is anything different? Better?
Step 5: Admitted to God, to ourselves and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs
As we prepare to admit our faults, we can begin by asking ourselves the following questions or use them for a group discussion:
If I have completed my Fourth Step inventory, how do I feel about sharing details of my past with another person?
In what areas of my past am I willing to be completely honest?
What are some of the advantages I might get from admitting my faults?
Do I understand the healing relief that honestly admitting my faults can bring?
What expectations do I have about how I should feel or what I should experience when I admit my faults?
Am I ready to let these expectations go and allow the God of my understanding to determine the best results for me? How do I know?
If I do not feel ready to do this step, do I need to do more work on Steps One through Four?
Would I be willing to group my inventory into things I could admit, things I might admit, and things I think, “No Way! I’ll never be able to do that,” and then start with the “could” list?
Am I afraid to admit my faults to my Higher Power? Why?
Who in the program could I call to discuss my fears about God?
Could I make a list of my fears and turn them over? What are my fears?
How can admitting my faults to the God of my understanding help me?
Can I concede that I am not perfect? How can I quit trying to be?
How do I try to excuse myself from harms I may have done?
With whom will I share my Fifth Step? What qualities make me choose this person? Do I trust him or her?
Do I have any of those qualities myself? Did I list them under my assets?
What may block me from trusting someone with my truth? Can I share these fears with another person?
How does my desire to be perfect block me from believing someone could love me unconditionally, even after hearing my Fifth Step?
How can telling someone else the exact nature of my wrongs enhance my ability to see myself?
How have I isolated myself? Do I believe that sharing with another person can lead to relief from isolation?
What is the one thing I don’t want to tell another person? Can I start there?
Can being honest and admitting a mistake have positive consequences? What are they?
Can I remember when another person admitted a fault or mistake to me and I understood and didn’t judge?
In doing this Fifth Step, what have I learned about the exact nature of my wrongs?
What have I learned about fear? Honesty? Trust? Acceptance?
How did I feel after sharing with God? Admitting to myself? Sharing with another person?
What, if anything, have I left out? If I have completed Step Five, what am I feeling? Is anything different? Better?
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
OOPS I forgot the first part: For those of you just joining us, this is a Step Study based on the 12 steps of Al Anon. Each of the steps will have its own thread, so you can work it at your leisure. Please remember that working the steps is a personal and powerful journey, but its NOT a race. The information that is posted here should be used as a guideline. When I participated in my first step study, I had only worked the first 3 steps. After that, I just used the information as a way to learn and understand what would be coming up later when I worked the remaining steps.
The information posted here is from Paths to Recovery, Al Anon's Steps, Traditions and Concepts, and also some of the daily readings from Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al Anon II.
Happy discovery!
Barb
The information posted here is from Paths to Recovery, Al Anon's Steps, Traditions and Concepts, and also some of the daily readings from Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al Anon II.
Happy discovery!
Barb
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Courage to Change, February 19
When I wrote my Fourth Step inventory, I carried a notebook around with me day and night. I didn’t want to leave anything out. I discovered my first defect—obsession. I was still writing fifteen minutes before I shared my Fifth Step.
As I took this Step and read my words out loud, some of my patterns became clear for the first time. My behavior paralleled that of the alcoholic. The only difference was that I did it sober— insane, but sober. I saw how much I blamed other people for the events in my life, how I took everything personally, and how my reactions to the alcoholic were based on my fears.
I expected to feel differently the next day, but nothing much happened except that I felt very tired and a little fragile. But change had begun. As time went by, when I found myself in situations similar to those I had described in my Fourth Step, I noticed that my reactions were less extreme. Some things that had bothered me terribly no longer mattered. That’s when I knew I’d begun to change.
Today’s Reminder
I am learning the “nature of my nature” through the Twelve Steps. I trust that I will uncover what I need to know for now, and leave the rest for another time. I am worth learning about.
“When we take Step Five. . . we demonstrate a willingness to change.”
…In All Our Affairs
When I wrote my Fourth Step inventory, I carried a notebook around with me day and night. I didn’t want to leave anything out. I discovered my first defect—obsession. I was still writing fifteen minutes before I shared my Fifth Step.
As I took this Step and read my words out loud, some of my patterns became clear for the first time. My behavior paralleled that of the alcoholic. The only difference was that I did it sober— insane, but sober. I saw how much I blamed other people for the events in my life, how I took everything personally, and how my reactions to the alcoholic were based on my fears.
I expected to feel differently the next day, but nothing much happened except that I felt very tired and a little fragile. But change had begun. As time went by, when I found myself in situations similar to those I had described in my Fourth Step, I noticed that my reactions were less extreme. Some things that had bothered me terribly no longer mattered. That’s when I knew I’d begun to change.
Today’s Reminder
I am learning the “nature of my nature” through the Twelve Steps. I trust that I will uncover what I need to know for now, and leave the rest for another time. I am worth learning about.
“When we take Step Five. . . we demonstrate a willingness to change.”
…In All Our Affairs
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Step 5 was the beginning of having courage. I could let someone know all of me, and they still loved me. Actually, they loved me more because they knew who I really was, warts and all.
All my life I let you see the me I wanted you to see. I pretended to be who I thought you wanted me to be so you would like and accept me. That was a lot of effort and I still didn't feel loved. How could anyone really love me if they didn't know the real me? But I felt that if anyone knew the real me, they couldn't love me. Step 5 proved that wrong.
Today, there are people who know the real me, and love who I am. There are people who don't like me, too. But being the person that I am is such a freedom, I wouldn't trade it to make anyone change their opinion of me. Hugs, Magic
All my life I let you see the me I wanted you to see. I pretended to be who I thought you wanted me to be so you would like and accept me. That was a lot of effort and I still didn't feel loved. How could anyone really love me if they didn't know the real me? But I felt that if anyone knew the real me, they couldn't love me. Step 5 proved that wrong.
Today, there are people who know the real me, and love who I am. There are people who don't like me, too. But being the person that I am is such a freedom, I wouldn't trade it to make anyone change their opinion of me. Hugs, Magic
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Step 5 was tough. First I didn't feel worthy of someone listening to my stuff. Second I was feeling terminally unique. No one could have done the things I did or felt the feelings I felt. I would certainly send my sponsor running if I was honest. That didn't happen and it was the most freeing thing I have ever experienced in my life.
For the first time ever, up until that point, I was accepted. I was accepted as I was and I was able to dump all the pretense and BS and move on...lighter. It is difficult to express what that experience did to me...what it did for me. And for my marriage...because, you see, I was not in this alone. It was at that point that I was able to go to Ward and let him know that I was back and would begin giving myself back to our relationship.
Hugs,
JT
For the first time ever, up until that point, I was accepted. I was accepted as I was and I was able to dump all the pretense and BS and move on...lighter. It is difficult to express what that experience did to me...what it did for me. And for my marriage...because, you see, I was not in this alone. It was at that point that I was able to go to Ward and let him know that I was back and would begin giving myself back to our relationship.
Hugs,
JT
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