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I Need Help!!!

Old 09-23-2002, 05:27 PM
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Morning Glory
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I Need Help!!!

We hit crisis again today. He drank while I was at work. My daughter told me about it because she had to take her kids and leave. I went home to tell him to leave because I know at this point recovery is no longer in his agenda.

My wonderful son once again turned into a monster. He started yelling at me for killing his father and telling me if I kicked him out he would kill himself. I just didn't play into it and told him to go ahead and kill himself and stop threatening to do it. I told him I couldn't take it anymore.

I picked up my cell phone to call 911 and he ran into the kitchen and got a knife and held it up to his wrist and said he was going to slice his wrist. When I saw him get the knife he ran out front after me. I WAS ON HOLD WITH 911!!! He took the knife an held it up and stabbed the fence. He then ran off and said he was going to throw himself in front of the train and kill himself and that I would never see him again. He kept saying that he hated me. All this because his girlfriend won't answer his phone calls. He was pretty drunk. I thought he would pick himself back up like the last time.

Now comes the terrifying hard part. I don't think I can let him back after that and I don't know what will happen to him when they let him out of there. He truely is suicidal and I know I'm ready to lose him.

God, I just don't know what to do. Do I just let him die?

Please help me.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 09-23-2002, 05:36 PM
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Ann
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Hi MG

Your story just breaks my heart. This is so traumatizing for you and he is so very sick right now.

Last time I believe you were able to get him committed for a time...can you do that again? At least enough time for him to get sober and stable. He is obviously a danger to himself and perhaps others, and maybe they will help you keep him under lock and key for a while.

You don't have to feel guilty at all about not letting him stay with you...I'm sure you already know that. You are NOT responsible for his illness, and you do not have to put your own health on the line for anyone. He has other safe choices - residential treatment for one...and if he choses not to do that, then it is his responsibility not yours.

If you are feeling really shaking right now, can your daughter come and be with you? If I was there I would be right over in a flash...but at least I am here and you know you can keep talking to us as long as you like. You don't have to go through this alone.

Take a deep breath and thank God that he is safe for the moment. You have been through several bad days here, and a little rest would be good too. Just know we are here and we love you and care.

My prayers are with you all the way with this.
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Old 09-23-2002, 05:48 PM
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Morning Glory
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The problem is that it takes time to get into a treatment center so that would mean he is out on the street until he gets there. I can't risk him killing me. I do have control over that. I still feel that I can keep him alive though.

I called a friend who is going to try to locate a long term facility for me tomorrow. I just hope they keep him for 3 days. I hope they check his record from before. I will call them in a little while. It is just so very sad becasue I saw him wonderful for the first time and I lost him to this stinking disease again.

The strange thing is that he ran away when I called the cops and came back while they were there. Maybe he thought they wouldn't take them like the last time. I'm so glad they did. He was even threatening to kill them.

I'm sorry, I'm just in shock I guess. I am so afraid of knives and so afraid of suicide and he did both to me.

I know I can't let him come back. He really did well this time, but he could have made other choices than to drink. He had a program available to him and a sponsor he could have called.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 09-23-2002, 06:01 PM
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Ann
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Do you have his sponsor's phone number? Maybe he could offer some help right now.

Everything is all right for now. The crisis is over for now and you need to relax and rest. This has triggered every raw nerve you have and I hope you will take some time for yourself.

This past while has been a better time for him too, and he knows now that with recovery he can have a happier life. He may surprise you. And he knows that you love him...whether or not he agrees with your choices right now.

We're here all night if you need to talk. I hope that a treatment centre is available for him soon.
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Old 09-23-2002, 06:09 PM
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Ok Ann, one more thing. Is this my fault because my reaction could have been better. Instead of telling him that he had to leave because he was drunk, I could have been quiet until he was sober if he ever would have been sober. Then I could have told him to get a place or go in for treatment. I am kicking myself right now for my bad reaction.

That's all and I'll leave you alone for awhile.

Hugs and thanks for being here.

MG
 
Old 09-23-2002, 06:17 PM
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Ann
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MG - Stop beating yourself up here.

The way he has been behaving, it may have been quite some time before you could have had one of those quiet sane conversations.

I am convinced that a crisis would have happened anyway. He was already out of control with his disease and with the girlfriend
and you cannot deal logically with a person who is totally out of control. Your daughter could not deal with him and neither could you.

As sad as it is, this is HIS disease and nobody can be safe around a person in the shape that he is in right now. He is not even safe with himself right now.

You did the right thing. It was very brave and it was the right thing to do. He is now under supervised care where they can help him get through this. You could not have offered the same care yourself.

You are a wonderful person with a wonderful son who is out of control. Just keep praying and let the answers come.

Love you.
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Old 09-23-2002, 06:23 PM
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Thanks Ann,

I'm off to Home Depot to get new locks for my door and sticks for my windows. I'll be back on later.

Love you,

MG
 
Old 09-23-2002, 06:27 PM
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Smile mg

Many hugs to you... I will pray for you and your son... I will pray a special one tonight.... ((((((mg))))))) spend some time with your daughter...... MY thoughts and prayers are for you.... Clowie
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Old 09-23-2002, 07:41 PM
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(((((((MG)))))))

My heart goes out to you - this is such a terrifying time for you! You did the right thing calling the cops and at least you are safe and he is safe for now. Tomorrow, you can try to find a place for him and maybe the police will have more information about how long they will hold him.

He did have a taste of recovery and hopefully, he will remember how good it was when he sobers up. He will see what a blessing you have been to him all of his life.

I hope you can get some rest tonite. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

hugs,
deedee
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Old 09-23-2002, 07:51 PM
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Hugs (((((MG! )))))!

Reading this I could hear my grandfather saying "Oh , Lord. This life and another one."

You don't have to feel badly about not wanting a violent person in your home. If he's really feeling self destructive, it wouldn't help anything to have him under your roof, and it could get you hurt.

He will have some time to reflect while he is in custody (the hospital?). Ann has a good point. He's learned a lot. It's up to him to apply the learning, though. This is not your fault.

Love,
Smoke
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Old 09-23-2002, 08:05 PM
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****************************************{MG}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

I can't give the advise you need, but I will certainly pray for you, your son and family. I am so sorry to hear you had to go through this. It must be overwhelming as a mother who loves her son and feels so helpless.
Love, hugs and prayers,
Kitty
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Old 09-23-2002, 08:27 PM
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mo
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MG
My heart goes out to you. .as the others have said don't beat yourself up with "what ifs or what shoulds". Nothing you could or would have said would made a difference. he was in relapse before he picked up by slacking off meetings and being totally obsessed about the girlfriend.

You are lucky if he can be committed involuntarily to a psychiatric unit while intoxicated. That can't be done here in Pennsylvania.

When he comes to he will be sick with sorrow and remorse I bet. Then He can make the decision again if he wants recovery.

It is just hard work to stay in recovery . . real hard work initially and he came to a screeching stop and the inevitable happened. The nature of the beast of this damn disease. I hate it.

Take care friend. .Mo
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Old 09-23-2002, 09:07 PM
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Thank you all.

I'm feeling pretty heart broken because I know when he gets out of the hospital, probably tomorrow, I will have to leave him on the streets. He crossed the line with the knife and I have to listen to my own advice no matter what my heart says.

I changed all my door locks and fixed the windows as good as I could. At least it will give me time to get away if I need to. I think I'll put some clothes in my car and hide a key outside to the car.

He drank a pint of vodka and 3 large beers in a couple of hours. He should be pretty sick just about now.

I hope and pray he makes it out of this alive.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 09-23-2002, 09:36 PM
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MG
I am sooo sorry for what you went through, and you should be really proud of yourself for the way you handled things. It's obvious that your program works for you! You took care of yourself, you called the police, and you let him experience the consequences of his actions. You KNOW you aren't responsible in any way, shape or form for ANY of his behavior... changing the locks shows that you are not going to accept unacceptable behavior, and its' good that you are going to stash some things for Just In Case.
My heart goes out to you, friend. Here's a cyber hug for you

(((((((((((((((((((((((Morning Glory))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

I'll be here late in case you want to chat some. Keep taking care of you... your son is in good hands right now, and his HP is placing good people in his path.

Lots of love to you!!
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Old 09-23-2002, 10:12 PM
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Oh M.G.,
My heart is breaking with you. I feel
like I know your son. I am so proud
of you calling 911 and protecting your-
self.
I just don't get it, how can they possibly
release him in one day? Were no charges
filed with the police because of prior
hospitalization? Do they know he came
after you? Right now, jail sounds like
a better alternative.
I wish there was something I could do,
try to relax and get some rest-I know how
hard that is.
You are in my prayers and your son. Some-
thing good can come out of this, we will
all just keep praying.

Love you,
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Old 09-24-2002, 03:54 AM
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**********{MG}}}}}}}

You did the right thing in protecting yourself. You need to think of you as number 1 in your life which you are!! I can only imagine the pain you must be going through thinking about your son, please keep thought of your safety first though. You need to take care of you.

I will pray for you and your son. I hope he finds the road back to recovery. He has some tools in his pocket so perhaps it will be easier this time.

You take care.
Many, many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
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Old 09-24-2002, 05:06 AM
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MG, I just wanted to say that I care and will be praying for you and your son. It scares me sometimes how powerful and dangerous this disease is, and how it can come back and attack someone that has been sober even for many years. I will pary that your son finds his way back and that you feel some relief from the sadness and pain this setback is causing. Remember to keep breathing........................
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Old 09-24-2002, 08:13 AM
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Morning Glory
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Thank you all so much. The hospital called and asked if he could come home when he is released and I said no. They said they would hook him up with a homeless shelter so that makes me feel better. I don't think he will take them up on the offer though. He works a couple of blocks from my house so I think he will try to stay in this area.

I hope he gets back in the program, but that's out of my hands. It's all out of my hands now. I did the best I could. I will wash his clothes and put his things outside so he doesn't feel that he needs to break in to get them while I'm at work.

I am working hard on turning it over to God and praying that he will help me do it. This is really the hardest time I've had so far. I really feel totally overwhelmed.

Hugs,
MG
 
Old 09-24-2002, 08:59 AM
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Take heart, MG. I don't know if things have been this bad with your son in the past, but perhaps this will be his bottom when he is able to see what he did last night. As all have said, he knows what and where the help is. You just take care of yourself now, and do whatever you have to do to protect yourself. As a parent, I can only try to imagine how painful this must be for you, and my imagination will only go so far. My thoughts are with you, MG.

Love and (((((((((MG)))))))))
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Old 09-24-2002, 09:40 AM
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JT
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((((mg))))))

I am sorry I missed you last night! I am at work right now...above all else stay safe

. I told you I was afraid of my son at a point and it was very much the same situation. He came home drunk and had broken up with his girlfriend. He threw me across a room. I did just what you did and called the police. All I can do here is tell you I have been there.

Good job on hiding a key...maybe a credit card or some cash as well. Could your daughter spend the nite and/or check out your security measures? It is hard to keep a young man out who wants in. Maybe I am overreacting but better being too prepared than not enough. I know your fear...so far mine has not materialized into anything larger than threats and pushing and shoving.

I will check in with you later MG...stay safe!

JT
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