giving up dreams....

Old 04-30-2005, 06:45 PM
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: northern minnesota
Posts: 269
giving up dreams....

each of us have had to deal with the fact that we had to give up some of our dreams. this disease is horrible and it destroys dreams.

but we still have choices, and we still have the ability to dream. we just have to refocus our dreams to things which are within our powers. dreams for ourselves.

i was sitting here tonight thinking of all the dreams i had to give up in order to allow my exA to live the alcoholic lifestyle he wants. and most of those dreams still exist. i am just going to be doing them without him.

it truly is frustrating to have to work so hard for serenity. but at the same time, i never would have realized my dreams didnt have to have him in them to come true. so hard work does pay off.. and usually when you least expect it.

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Old 04-30-2005, 10:51 PM
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too much on my plate!!
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Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
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I'm glad I'm not the only one that feels this way. I was just thinking back on all the hopes and dreams we had together--children, a house, a family dog (which I have, and he will never see again) just so many things. I guess or I can hope that someday I will have those things, maybe with someone else....just hard to think that way now when I still love him...
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Old 05-01-2005, 06:09 AM
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: northeast
Posts: 43
This may help--I just started reading Men are from Mars, Women from Venus, Starting Over book. So far it seems helpful, but I am in the same boat. Can't stop missing him, yet know that deep down inside he did me a favor. Just read all these threads about AH, and what do you think our lives would ahve been like? Yeah we have our fantasies in our heads, but are thye realistic? Do we actually think life would have been good 20 years, 10 years or even 5 years down the line with our exs? I think they just had way too many problems! Just llok at us--boohooing a relationship that causes us to post on an alcoholic board!! We deserve sooooooo much better!!!
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Old 05-01-2005, 08:42 AM
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Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: CA
Posts: 109
I agree. You know when I was small I always thought I would have the "perfect" person. Little did I realise how things would actually be!!!!!. But hey we are still alive and so long as we are there is time to change things!! We do deserve so much more but I realise we cannot be responsible for them. Only us and our happiness.
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Old 05-01-2005, 11:06 AM
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CodeMaster's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
Well said!

I've already opened a new chapter to my life and almost overwhelmingly, I am seeing what dreams can really come! I love it!
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Old 05-01-2005, 11:37 AM
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Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
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Hmm....I have another post/thread out there something like this topic that I just posted this morning.
I shut AH out when he moved out. I didn't listen nor did I see the changes he said he'd made. I was angry and I had that invisible brick wall up so high that there was no way he could get through.
I'd moved on with my life this year. Made a lot of changes and had a lot of growth. However, in the back of my mind and in the bottom of my heart, I still longed for that dream I had with AH. To someday be together when we attended our children's graduations & weddings. To be there together to hold our grandchildren. To still have one another when we were old.
You see, AH and I have known each other 30 years and been almost 17 of them. We have a history and I thought we had a future.
I met someone that treats me good. That gives me everything I wanted from AH. I got a promotion at work, I was no longer in chaos and had surrounded myself with people that were good, kind, and decent. I was moving on. But still...that dream just kept nagging at me. I guess I really just couldn't let it go.
Today AH and I are going to get together and talk. Really talk. I've begun to let that brick wall down a bit as I know that I have too for myself and my recovery. I feel like today is D-Day and that I'll know the answer today if we are going to give it another shot or if it's over for good. I'm scared, I'm nervous, and yet I know it needs to be done.
And as for my dreams...well, the main thing I look forward too is a life of peace. That is my dream. But still there are things in life that I want AH to be a part of.

So maybe I need to remind myself that my dreams are what I make them!
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