Molding Mr. Right
 

OK..... I just have to share this for some reason.... Yep sometimes I can be kinda nuts but in this case I really feel its intervention.

I was driving to work this morning, listening to K-Love and having my morning conversation with God. (yep Im weird, I talk out loud to him asking him everything under the moon....HEY,,, I know some of you do it too)

Well the topic today is where is Mr. Right...why in 41 years have I not found this man. As the conversation goes on and Im questioning if he lost my soul mate a song comes on and says "he would have rather died, then ever live without me".. and Im like YA that is the one God... the one I told you all about, remember we made that list of the qualities and etc...

So on and on this conversation goes (1 hour comute) and next thing I know a thought pops into my head, WOW with everything on that list... that is ALOT of molding... no wonder I have not found him, he is still working on him... SO Im feeling a little better and we keep talking and another thought pops into my mine....

You know ... when Im in a relationship I get Lazy (focus on them and not me) and there is alot of MOLDING going on right here with me..... I could not believe I thought this cuz Im working hard on being good to me and calling myself Lazy was not in my plan.... But.. I have spent so much time on other people that I have had no growth in life for me... which does not make for a happy Codie.

Then I took a good look at everything that has changed in my life in the last 6 months and WOW ... yep some serious molding going on here! Im not ready either. I have been feeling lonely lately and almost called my ex-ABF last night... Im sure we would have had a roll in the hey and Im just as sure I would have felt like hell in the morning (worse then a hang over). Amazing what happens when you sit still and just start talking... guess he is listening, just not the way I thought it would happen.

As a side note... the next thought was... Look at how much changing my ex-ABF is doing, how much Molding it took to keep him sober for 6 months.... THEN when I realized where my thoughts were going I firmly told GOD..... please NO... not that one. *laughs*

Just thought I would share.

I have often, well not often but all the time; wondered why I kept gettting stuck in crappy relationships. Most of my relationships have been long term since the time I was 18. The first very serious relationship was with my son's father; a dry drunk staying abstinient, and he was also abusive. Then a few more relationships which included a drug addict (I didn't know at the time) and another abuser. And now I'm with another A. Funny how the cycle repeats itself. So I have often wondered where is my soul mate?

I guess I just need to work on ME for quite a long time before I even think I will meet anyone worth my time. Otherwise I will get sucked into another dead end relationship.

Keep waiting and working on yourself Cynay; he's bound to be out there somewhere! :)

I know he is... but I had to laugh this morning..

Here I am telling him how it needs to be, what I want... etc.. And the list is quite long. When the molding is not only him, but mostly ME! *laughs* Boy talk about a humbling thought process... but that is ok, God knows Im a little nuts so he puts up with me anyway.

I believe that when I become Miss Right(Er, Miss Healthy), I will find my Mr. Right (Er, Mr. Healthy).Sick seeks the sick. I m healthier now so I know how to spot the unhealthy and then make the decision I need to make, by releasing him back into the sea of insanity.

Water seeks its own level. Now that I know what my level is (communication, respect, self love) I will accept nothing less than that from my potential mate. Its my responsibility to look for the signs that Ive have ALWAYS ignored before.

No more denial for me, god willing. I hope to be able to see what I DONT want in a man, and act accordingly.