Gods Will
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Gods Will
This is just to ask opinions....
A's often say..... if its Gods Will.
Now is this there way of using a cop out.... so they dont have to fix anything??? Like a relationship with parents/family/friends..... well if its ment to be it will be Gods Will.....
What happened to God helps those who help themselves? Like you know the issue that needs to be corrected and pray ..... then somehow the answer to how to fix it or the best you can do comes to you?
Do you think some A's use this as an escape? They are just not ready/mature enought to realize that Gods will was for them not to get into the situation in the first place that was there will and they will receive answers only when they ask the questions or seek the help???
A's often say..... if its Gods Will.
Now is this there way of using a cop out.... so they dont have to fix anything??? Like a relationship with parents/family/friends..... well if its ment to be it will be Gods Will.....
What happened to God helps those who help themselves? Like you know the issue that needs to be corrected and pray ..... then somehow the answer to how to fix it or the best you can do comes to you?
Do you think some A's use this as an escape? They are just not ready/mature enought to realize that Gods will was for them not to get into the situation in the first place that was there will and they will receive answers only when they ask the questions or seek the help???
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Cynay,
What I have come to realize is that controlling and manipulative people will use whatever means they have to do what they do. Some use religion in a passive/aggressive way . Can these people find recovery? Yes, I believe they can. It takes surrender, and a desire to change.
Courage to Change. February 28
Turning over my will and my life to the care of a Higher Power (the Third Step) is an ongoing process. At first I surrendered only the big problems. I felt I had no choice—I was clearly powerless, and my best efforts had let me down. There was nowhere left to turn except to a Power greater than myself who could accomplish what I could not.
As my recovery progressed, I came to trust this Higher Power. Today I am pursuing a deeper relationship by improving my conscious contact with my Higher Power. When I face a decision, whether it involves dealing with an alcoholic, accepting a job offer, or making plans for the evening, I ask for guidance. When I pick up the phone to speak with an Al-Anon friend, I ask that I might serve as a channel for my Higher Power. I can’t always know my Higher Power’s will, but I can seek greater spiritual awareness every day by becoming willing to receive guidance.
Today’s Reminder
Faith takes practice. I will include my Higher Power in more of my actions and decisions today.
“Step Three suggests I teach myself, from this moment on, to be receptive, to open myself to help from my Higher Power.”
Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions
What I have come to realize is that controlling and manipulative people will use whatever means they have to do what they do. Some use religion in a passive/aggressive way . Can these people find recovery? Yes, I believe they can. It takes surrender, and a desire to change.
Courage to Change. February 28
Turning over my will and my life to the care of a Higher Power (the Third Step) is an ongoing process. At first I surrendered only the big problems. I felt I had no choice—I was clearly powerless, and my best efforts had let me down. There was nowhere left to turn except to a Power greater than myself who could accomplish what I could not.
As my recovery progressed, I came to trust this Higher Power. Today I am pursuing a deeper relationship by improving my conscious contact with my Higher Power. When I face a decision, whether it involves dealing with an alcoholic, accepting a job offer, or making plans for the evening, I ask for guidance. When I pick up the phone to speak with an Al-Anon friend, I ask that I might serve as a channel for my Higher Power. I can’t always know my Higher Power’s will, but I can seek greater spiritual awareness every day by becoming willing to receive guidance.
Today’s Reminder
Faith takes practice. I will include my Higher Power in more of my actions and decisions today.
“Step Three suggests I teach myself, from this moment on, to be receptive, to open myself to help from my Higher Power.”
Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
Osier....
Now that is beautiful.
Unfortunally you are the only person that I have seen that feels this way....
You seek Gods advise in everything. I guess I was looking for people that have been fooled (like me) by listening to people that use it as an excuse to do/be whatever. I wish I could see more of how you work with God in other people.... maybe Im just not looking in the right places *shrugs*
Now that is beautiful.
Unfortunally you are the only person that I have seen that feels this way....
You seek Gods advise in everything. I guess I was looking for people that have been fooled (like me) by listening to people that use it as an excuse to do/be whatever. I wish I could see more of how you work with God in other people.... maybe Im just not looking in the right places *shrugs*
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
I have a lot more experience with this than you could know. I was married to someone who used the "word of God" as his reason for doing everything. It was his excuse, his explanation, his scape goat. He was one of those controlling and manipulative people I mentioned in my previous post. He hurt a lot of gullible and innocent people by manipulating the "word" for his own purposes.
I have found a program that works for me, but it took me some time in recovery before I could have faith again... to find my belief in the God of my understanding. It works. You just have to trust the process.
I have found a program that works for me, but it took me some time in recovery before I could have faith again... to find my belief in the God of my understanding. It works. You just have to trust the process.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 487
can't tell in what context you say the A uses "god's will"-is he in a program? if he is then maybe he is trying to learn to let go of His central need to control everyone and thing in his life as he may realize or have been told that He needs to give it to god as well (step 1 & 2). i am beginning to believe that if i do my best without trying to control others and leave it to God and they did the same thing-it is quite possible that things will turn out miraculously better.
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Doesn't need be an A to say and do that.
I have seen many people use that phrase out of context.
I just used it myself the other day.
I started school and said... If it be God's will, I will make the whole 2 1/2 years and finish. Still did my homework though *LOL*
Yes we need do our part and He will give us the strength and guidance as needed and yes as we ask for it.
I have seen many people use that phrase out of context.
I just used it myself the other day.
I started school and said... If it be God's will, I will make the whole 2 1/2 years and finish. Still did my homework though *LOL*
Yes we need do our part and He will give us the strength and guidance as needed and yes as we ask for it.
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
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True you dont have to be an A to use it out of content...
The situation that most comes to mind is that when I had that short time with my ex-ABF, when it started he was soooo gun ho about making things right with my daughter and I... the first week he talked alot about it then said he could not see me cuz he was not ready... ok... week 2 he comes around and says he has been praying, he does not know how to fix it... I said with love, consistancy and patience (with us both) .. he breaks up... cant cuz of program.... week 3 he comes around telling me that I will have to adjust to him, that he cant spend time with me cuz of the program, I cant go with him cuz the girl he 13th stepped with is there etc.... Breaks up.... cant focus on program and have a relationship and the cant correct how my daughter and I feel... cant correct the hurt.... One of the last things he said is if its Gods will then things will work out... that its not about his will but Gods will.... I have not heard from him in a month.
Now .. during all this I pretty much kept my mouth shut (except where the business was concerned... had not done the books for 6 months) but when he would ask me what I want in a man I would be honest, when he said he could not be in a relationship, I would say "ok, you need to do what is best for you" and not call him etc... But I cant help thinking that to do all the destructive things he has done, and then expect that there is no "action" is a strange way to look at it... Saying if its Gods will does nothing without your will and then Action.
For me, well I have been giving it up to God and just trying to listen hard enough to know what my next step is. I will do nothing where my ex-A is concerned cuz I dont think he is healthy for me. But I heard this from him so much during that time I just wanted to put it out there.
Thanks for the responses
The situation that most comes to mind is that when I had that short time with my ex-ABF, when it started he was soooo gun ho about making things right with my daughter and I... the first week he talked alot about it then said he could not see me cuz he was not ready... ok... week 2 he comes around and says he has been praying, he does not know how to fix it... I said with love, consistancy and patience (with us both) .. he breaks up... cant cuz of program.... week 3 he comes around telling me that I will have to adjust to him, that he cant spend time with me cuz of the program, I cant go with him cuz the girl he 13th stepped with is there etc.... Breaks up.... cant focus on program and have a relationship and the cant correct how my daughter and I feel... cant correct the hurt.... One of the last things he said is if its Gods will then things will work out... that its not about his will but Gods will.... I have not heard from him in a month.
Now .. during all this I pretty much kept my mouth shut (except where the business was concerned... had not done the books for 6 months) but when he would ask me what I want in a man I would be honest, when he said he could not be in a relationship, I would say "ok, you need to do what is best for you" and not call him etc... But I cant help thinking that to do all the destructive things he has done, and then expect that there is no "action" is a strange way to look at it... Saying if its Gods will does nothing without your will and then Action.
For me, well I have been giving it up to God and just trying to listen hard enough to know what my next step is. I will do nothing where my ex-A is concerned cuz I dont think he is healthy for me. But I heard this from him so much during that time I just wanted to put it out there.
Thanks for the responses
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
From your side of things, if you say "If it be God's will"
You would need let it go so your will doesn't keep bringing it up.
So you would need not act on it with anything beyond prayer and waiting.
In the mean time....
What have you done for you today?
You would need let it go so your will doesn't keep bringing it up.
So you would need not act on it with anything beyond prayer and waiting.
In the mean time....
What have you done for you today?
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
They'll say anything to justify anything they need to justify. Sure they are not the only ones in the world that does it, but you can sure bet a dry drunk recoverying A will be using this tactic since becoming honest with oneself or others does not happen like a light switch. Keeping in mind they've been lying all their lives, some for decades, 3 months, 6 months or a year of rehab isnt going to fix things and make life happy and dandy. Got a loooooooong way to go.
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Posts: 3,812
Best... for me I do alot.
To say I have completely let go would not be true... I see seek answers here so of course Im thinking about it... but I have let go of him in the sense that I do not call him (1 month now) I dont think in terms of he and I ever having a relationship again and Im doing everything possible to move on.
Today... well lets see.
1. I played with my Dog
2. Got ready and went to work
3. Came on the board for support
4. Studied for my series 7 test coming up (class starts next week)
5. Will meet my girlfriend for dinner after work and a movie.
6. Will hug my daughter goodnight and tell her I love her.
No stress in my day, much to look forward to and no chaos WOOOHOOO I cant ask for much more then that right now. That is the best part about being out of the relationship, no stress, no keeping my mouth shut, no chaos, no wondering if his 13th stepper will be at the meeting he attends, no wondering when he will break up with me "in the name of his recovery" again, not worring about bills and if there will be the money to pay, no more worries about his mood, schedule, problems, issues or the issues of his "fellowship" friends either... I could go on and on about these type of things that are not in my life now and how much more time I have to focus on myself and my daughter.
Code your right he has a LONG way to go... and I dont know if he will ever change the lying, his father told me not long ago he has been this way, irresponsible, lying, using etc since he was 15.
Just sometimes I have questions and need help to put my thought into the right perspective... many here help with that
To say I have completely let go would not be true... I see seek answers here so of course Im thinking about it... but I have let go of him in the sense that I do not call him (1 month now) I dont think in terms of he and I ever having a relationship again and Im doing everything possible to move on.
Today... well lets see.
1. I played with my Dog
2. Got ready and went to work
3. Came on the board for support
4. Studied for my series 7 test coming up (class starts next week)
5. Will meet my girlfriend for dinner after work and a movie.
6. Will hug my daughter goodnight and tell her I love her.
No stress in my day, much to look forward to and no chaos WOOOHOOO I cant ask for much more then that right now. That is the best part about being out of the relationship, no stress, no keeping my mouth shut, no chaos, no wondering if his 13th stepper will be at the meeting he attends, no wondering when he will break up with me "in the name of his recovery" again, not worring about bills and if there will be the money to pay, no more worries about his mood, schedule, problems, issues or the issues of his "fellowship" friends either... I could go on and on about these type of things that are not in my life now and how much more time I have to focus on myself and my daughter.
Code your right he has a LONG way to go... and I dont know if he will ever change the lying, his father told me not long ago he has been this way, irresponsible, lying, using etc since he was 15.
Just sometimes I have questions and need help to put my thought into the right perspective... many here help with that
Don't get undies in a bunch
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: South Shore MA
Posts: 7,120
Cyn
Wonderful. Great to see you are working on you and now I need to work on some sleep for me. Monday's class wil be here soon and I still need to finish reading a book. Can't read with eyes closed from no sleep *LOL*
Wonderful. Great to see you are working on you and now I need to work on some sleep for me. Monday's class wil be here soon and I still need to finish reading a book. Can't read with eyes closed from no sleep *LOL*
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
God's Will is for us to be the best we can be. That's why we were put on this earth. He didn't put us here to be an alcoholic or addict. Using God as an excuse is probably as good as any. But I'm sure He's not too thrilled.
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Phoenix, AZ
Posts: 3,812
*laughs with Gelfling*
Well... I feel badly for God, imagine having a whole brood like us and trying to parent. ACK!.... that would certainly be hell.
In this that is how Im trying to focus. My ex-ABF is SICK and how he thinks, acts, says is sick as well... he has a addictive personality... so Im not suprised that now he is addicted to AA and is not perhaps doing what he needs to do..... but I figure that if he stays there long enough it might sink in and the light bulb will go off. I pray this for him, but only for his sake. For me... WELL.... Im not exactly Gods perfect child either and I have no doubt he is preparing me now for what will happen... now that I have given it to him and pray for his will in what my will is doing. I just hope that he has a big enough wall to put in my path if what I do is more my will then his... cuz I can be pretty stuborn at times.
Well... I feel badly for God, imagine having a whole brood like us and trying to parent. ACK!.... that would certainly be hell.
In this that is how Im trying to focus. My ex-ABF is SICK and how he thinks, acts, says is sick as well... he has a addictive personality... so Im not suprised that now he is addicted to AA and is not perhaps doing what he needs to do..... but I figure that if he stays there long enough it might sink in and the light bulb will go off. I pray this for him, but only for his sake. For me... WELL.... Im not exactly Gods perfect child either and I have no doubt he is preparing me now for what will happen... now that I have given it to him and pray for his will in what my will is doing. I just hope that he has a big enough wall to put in my path if what I do is more my will then his... cuz I can be pretty stuborn at times.
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