Understanding and Encouragement
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Sask.
Posts: 64
Understanding and Encouragement
In the Alanon Preamble is says we can help by giving understanding and encouragement to the alcoholic. Can someone explain this? When I try to do that by giving direction as to what he can do... AA, call someone who's been there done that, etc., well I'm a nag then. How do we know what to say and when? 
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome Summer!
I try to ere on the side of compassion. And if I am not sure, I say nothing at all. Often when they drink it seems that if we jump in and nag they get anrgy at us...which turns us into another excuse for them to drink or use. I try to avoid that at all cost. If I say something and he snaps I refuse to participate.
The understanding and encouragement comes from a place of understanding that alcoholism is a disease and they are suffering too. Believe it or not they are doing more to harm themselves than us. They are putting their whole way of life at risk. They risk losing their loved ones and their jobs and many of their friends. So that is where I find a way to dig down deep and find compassion.
If you have mentioned AA and he heard you...he heard you. No need to say it again. If he is pulling the poor me stuff...you can ask what he is willing to do to make it better.
These are merely suggestions. Your profile indicates you attend Al Anon. Good for you! Keep going.
My advise to everyone is...if you don't know what to do, don't do anything. Read, go to meetings, pray....the answers will become clear. No Hocus-Pocus about it...it happens! I has happened to me!
Stay with us! There are alot of wonderful people here and alot of recovery!
Hugs,
JT
I try to ere on the side of compassion. And if I am not sure, I say nothing at all. Often when they drink it seems that if we jump in and nag they get anrgy at us...which turns us into another excuse for them to drink or use. I try to avoid that at all cost. If I say something and he snaps I refuse to participate.
The understanding and encouragement comes from a place of understanding that alcoholism is a disease and they are suffering too. Believe it or not they are doing more to harm themselves than us. They are putting their whole way of life at risk. They risk losing their loved ones and their jobs and many of their friends. So that is where I find a way to dig down deep and find compassion.
If you have mentioned AA and he heard you...he heard you. No need to say it again. If he is pulling the poor me stuff...you can ask what he is willing to do to make it better.
These are merely suggestions. Your profile indicates you attend Al Anon. Good for you! Keep going.
My advise to everyone is...if you don't know what to do, don't do anything. Read, go to meetings, pray....the answers will become clear. No Hocus-Pocus about it...it happens! I has happened to me!
Stay with us! There are alot of wonderful people here and alot of recovery!
Hugs,
JT
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Summer
Welcome to our happy little family. To "encourage" or not to "encourage" that is the quetion.
And I don't have all the answers. What I have learned is when my son (who is an addict) opens the conversation with poor me, or I am so tired of this...then I encourage. Rather than me suggest the obvious, I now ask him what is he prepared to do to change it.
We can also encourage by doing nothing...when my son spends all his money on drugs and his rent is not paid...I do nothing. I just let him take responsibility for his actions. When he is low enough in his life, he is more likely to seek help.
And we all work on our own recovery here, which take us to a much happier and peaceful place.
Glad to have you join us.
Welcome to our happy little family. To "encourage" or not to "encourage" that is the quetion.
And I don't have all the answers. What I have learned is when my son (who is an addict) opens the conversation with poor me, or I am so tired of this...then I encourage. Rather than me suggest the obvious, I now ask him what is he prepared to do to change it.
We can also encourage by doing nothing...when my son spends all his money on drugs and his rent is not paid...I do nothing. I just let him take responsibility for his actions. When he is low enough in his life, he is more likely to seek help.
And we all work on our own recovery here, which take us to a much happier and peaceful place.
Glad to have you join us.
Paused
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Connecticut
Posts: 18
I totally agree with everything said above... Help and encourage by not withholding love, do not participate in the insanity, and definitely do not interfere and "bail" them out. Consequences follow all behavior, and they can be good or bad.. The substance abuser has to take responsibility for his/her behavior whatever the consequence. But I do try to be supportive in that he knows what he needs to do to stay clean and he knows I back him on that if it means 3 meetings a day, if it means golfing for 10 hours straight to stay safe, whatever, I encourage positive ,healthy action and I detach from the negative and unhealthy....
(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))), Jamy
(((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))), Jamy
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