chrisea

my cousin was married to a functioning alcoholic, although I don't know how he did it... he did manage to keep a very good job,... a long story. He passed away young, in his early 50's... She went on to date another guy, that from what I can tell, if he drinks at ALL, he may have one drink... So I guess it impacted her...
For me, I have been in relationships with alcoholics, active and non actively, drinking... it has been a drain... and although I don't think I have a sign on me, here I am, dummie of a lifetime.... I do think, that after a while, and the older one gets... the pickin's get slimmer... from what I can tell, a good relationship is between two givers. That being said, I feel more women are givers, hence the men givers are scooped up earlier and what is left.... well that is what gets tossed around and recycled possibly many times.... gee the guy that left here a few months ago, already has another one driving him around.
So take all this advice, for what it is worth, but I would RUN noblenellie, I know I wish I would have...

rara

I can't add much more here other than I totally agree with what everyone said. I wish I had seen more signs in my AH before I married him (many he hid from me until, literally, my wedding day). I do think it is very fortunate that you have seen these signs so early on.

My hairdresser is a lot younger than me, 23, and she is a lovely person, very attractive, sweet, mature. She has lots of dates and tells me about them. The newest guy she is seeing has some VERY controlling, possible A tendencies that screamed out at me. I could not have seen them when I was 23, and wish I had seen more when I met my husband at 43. I told her to please think seriously about getting involved with this guy----now that is not my business, but you know, I felt good knowing that maybe she will think about and pay attention to the bad signs and not get deeply involved. I do hope you do what feels right for you.

noblenellie

Thanks everyone for your replies...Well, the insanity has begun tonite...Me and bf talk EVERY night on the phone, and here it is 10 pm and I have not been able to reach him on his cell or his home phone...more than likely he's out drinking with his buds, and even though I really want to worry about him and his safety and the safety of others out on the street with him driving under the influence, I cannot and will not allow myself to get dragged into this...its like everyone always says, they are the ones who make the choices and will have to live with them...I do not want to get myself any deeper into an unhealthly relationship, and have decided to call its splits as of tomorrow if i can even get him on the phone...Thanks again for all your support...I'm sure I'll be back posting here again.

FormerDoormat

NobleNellie:

I think you've come to a wise conclusion and I pray that you'll stay strong and carry out your plan to leave him. It's bad enough dealing with a partner who has a drinking problem, but it's downright dangerous to have a relationship with a heavy drinker who smokes in bed. And based on the burn marks you've seen, it's a tragedy waiting to happen. I worry that if you continue your relationship with him, it may very well play out in YOUR home. If you'll pardon the pun, he's playing with fire.

(((((NobleNellie)))))

chrisea

when I was with my xabf, he would turn the cell phone off sometimes. But most of the time when he did answer, I could hear the bar noise. He blames his phone broke, him and drinking friends, have more problems with their cell phones, go figure. I'm sure he met his new lady friend in a bar, but then so did he meet me there... I just keep on driving... past those places. Glad to see that you are nippin' it in the bud.