Rose56

My husband just called and I did my same old thing on him. He hasen't really talked to me or cared what I was doing or how I was feeling all week. He use to call me at work every day, even if for only a few minutes and he hasen't been doing that either. SO he calls today, "how's it goin'?" What are your plans for tonight? I told him I was planning to see a movie alone. He asks me if I am coming home first. I said yes. Well then we can get a pizza and see the movie. Well I couldn't help myself from telling him how lonely I had been all week and how we never even talked all week and blah blah blah. And how sad I am. So I have just reinforced his behavior of avoiding me and not calling so he doesn't have to hear me talk about problems all the time. I am not sure I can ever get the hang of this Alanon stuff. I can understand it but I cant do it. Oh fooey...............

Paulie

Rose -

It is progress not perfection. We all have our ups and downs.

i don't have any wise words for you except - we are all in this together, that always comforts me.

JT

Rose,

So you did it...so what? Like Pauline said...practice not perfection.

And who ever said stating your needs was such a bad thing? Not me...my problem is doing it at all. Just be careful of the martyr thing.

I used to bug Ward to be with me and as a direct result of his behavior over the years and my program I have become so independent that now it is HE who bugs me to do things with him.

You are doing great Rose!

JT

smoke gets in my eyes

Hiya Rose...

So you're feeling like you didn't hit the brakes in time? Damage control. After dinner and a movie maybe you could tell him how good it's made you feel to spend time with him. There's some positive reinforcement for ya.

Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm not sure you did anything wrong, but questioning yourself is good! How can you change behavior you don't recognize? You definitely ARE getting the hang of it. Keep truckin'!

Hugs,
Smoke

Ann

I'll bet he lets you pick the movie .

Try something funny - a good comedy. When my husband and I are like oil and water, as he likes to call it, I find that when we laugh about something we become salad dressing.

We have to have a sense of humour to survive...and if they don't get the joke...well, blame it on our hormones.

At least your talking and expressing yourself. You'll get the hang of it and it sounds to me like you are doing okay.

I like what Smoke said about positive reinforcement. He knows what bugs you...let him know what makes you happy.

Men ...they never could figure us out.

sandi

Hi Rose<BR><BR> Believe that you are begining to get the hang of it when you can recognize what may need to be different next time. What You are doing now is building that foundation. Keep up the good work.
<BR><BR> Sandi