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a little low...........

Old 09-20-2002, 05:26 AM
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a little low...........

Good Morning Friday! I have been feeling a bit emotional this week, sad, overwhelmed, tired. I decided to stop taking my birth control pills last month, so now my cycle is off, I may be PMS, who knows?

My husband was supposed to start a new job this week but now it has been pushed back to next week. He just loves this new bar that he hangs out in and spends a lot of time there. He is there every afternoon from about 1pm to 6 or 7 or 8 or 10 whatever. He was cooking dinners every night but for the past three weeks he cooks about 2 days a week. My son has been working and my daughter taking SAT prep classes so everyone eats when they can. I can't shake the feeling that our situation is getting worse everyday with no end in sight.

I have been attending 2-3 Alanon meetings each week and doing my daily readings etc. I exercised twice this week, I try to get in 3-4 sessions, but it has been harder to get myself to the Y. Depression is knocking at my door but I am trying to keep it at bay. I usually feel more positive in the morning and don't feel this way until the end of the day. Tonight I am going to see a new movie, by myself if necessary. I hope next week will be better
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Old 09-20-2002, 06:01 AM
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Good Morning Rose!
I am sorry to hear that you are feeling low and blue. It sounds like you and your kids all have very busy schedules, and work and SAT are good things for them to be concentrating on. My sons and I try to have dinner together at least once a week, usually on Sunday nights. It's become a fun tradition for us, and one that everyone looks forward to in their hectic weeks.

As for your husband, he's just doing what he does, unfortunately. Its difficult for some of us parents to let our growing children go, and to not be the center of their worlds anymore.

Take some time for you. The Al Anon meetings are a great place to start. I wish I lived closer, because I'd go to a movie with you!

Remember we love you!

O 59
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Old 09-20-2002, 06:11 AM
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Rose,

You are working so hard! Sometimes when we begin to take a look at ourselves via meetings things can get worse before the get better. It is an emotional landmine!

Also you said you see no end in sight. try not to go there. If nothing else fill your mind with a plan for yourself for YOUR future with him or without him.

The birth control pill thing could be the biggest problem...personally I try to keep all things as even as possible. The things that I can control at least. Maybe you should consider going back on them for a time. If your feelings pick up then at least you will know what the problem is. There is too much going on in your life to succumb to a drop in hormones. We need all the help we can get!

Hugs,
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Old 09-20-2002, 09:55 AM
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Thanks guys for your thoughts. JT, I never considered the BC thing and a change in hormones. hugh. I will give this some thought. And yes, I am stirring up some emotions at the Alanon meetings. Yesterday I was feeling angry at the Alanon program for encouraging me to give up all my comfortable denials, bad habits, and attitudes. I just wanted to be me and get better too!

About having a plan.....so far my plan is to keep working over the next 10-15 years at a well paying pretty good job. Send the kids to college and hopefully out on their own. Try to grow spiritually and basically just keep keeping on. Not very exciting stuff, but I don't see much else in my future. I'm not even sure I want more. I have never spent a lot of time thinking about it, I guess that's maybe the point.

O59, I like the Sunday dinner idea. I always wanted to have family dinners every night, like we had when I was growing up. But my husband likes to watch TV instead so the family dinners just fell apart. I did ask someone to join me at the movies, but she had plans, so I guess it will be just me. I started going alone this past year because I wanted to go, its no so bad.

Have a good weekend.
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Old 09-20-2002, 01:35 PM
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Rose,

I had to laugh when you said you were angry at the program and wanted to just be you. Sorry but if you go back to find that denial it won't be there. And YOU have grown and changed...that other you is gone! And how happy was she? You sound SOOO much better now!

When that Premarin scare came out I started cutting back but I was crying all the time. Mind you I was (still am) grieving but I didn't know what it was...the hormones or the grief or depression. I went back on the Premarin and started an antidepressant....I am feeling much better. I don't know really if it is the hormones or the other but who cares. Probably some of both.

So that is my prescription...go back on them...if you feel better you will know...and if you don't you will know something too.

You are in the middle of some major self discovery. Great job on the meetings! I don't mess with stuff during those times.

Hugs,
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Old 09-20-2002, 01:56 PM
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Rose -

I am with JT. going off the BC can really mess things up. and if you are in an emotional situation, as you are, you don't need anything else thrown in there to knock things off balance.

Get back on them until things even out around your house.

And be made at the program, be real mad, and stick around to get madder, that is what it is all about.

When I first got clean and sober, I was mad too. I was mad at the steps and my sponsor and the people in the meetings. Anger can be a good emotion if it is not directed to the wrong area or person, you know what I mean?

Take care and you are in my prayers.
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Old 09-20-2002, 02:17 PM
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Hi Rose.

The end doesn't have to be in sight. We only have to do one day at a time. When I start looking down the road, I get the same kind of agitation you're feeling. Sometimes we get thrown a curve ball and sometimes a flyball drops in our glove... but there's no way to know when that's going to happen, so there's no way to plan for it, and therefore, no use in worrying about it. While your emotions are running high, try just dealing with today.

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Old 09-20-2002, 04:00 PM
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****{Rose}}}

I don't let anyone mess with my hormones, it took me so long before my doctor would finally give them to me (actually I had to have a MAJOR mood swing right in her office until she wrote me a 1 year prescription). But that is just the start.

I know that sometimes a few ladies from my 12-step group like to get together for a movie...I'll bet there are others just like you who want to go but don't want to go alone. We usually pick something funny and have a good time.

I am hoping to go to "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" tomorrow night. It was filmed very close to my house and I have heard that it is hilarious.

Sometimes it is better just to make short term plans...something to look forward to over the next couple of weeks. Like you, I never count on my family to go with me.

And I have a Sunday dinner boundary...I like to cook a nice dinner Sunday and we eat it at the table with the TV turned off. Right now it's usually just my son and I, but same rules. If I feel like more company, I have a couple of seniors that live near me and I invite them...they love my cooking and just being with someone for Sunday dinner. And I enjoy them.

We just have to make our own happiness, and find joy where we can. It can take a little work, but we are worth it.

You are doing great with your recovery. JT is right when she says we can't hide in denial anymore. I know there are times when I want to, but in time we learn that facing our problems head on is wiser and what moves us ahead.
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Old 09-20-2002, 07:50 PM
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anns..............that movie is hysterical! I went alone of course. the A was still hereat the time but and passed out...but you will really enjoy it.

Rose I no good ideas for you tonight as I am in the dumper with you the last few days...maybe it is the full moon ?

I guess we all at one time have wish for Ward, June and the Cleaver life. But as my friend, a judge, put it to me this way this morning at 6 am....Kitty, face it, life is what is given you to deal with. Rarely does it come out like we have planned or dreamed of and for those who say it is just fabulous well you know they are spitting through their teeth. Isn't it a shame we all have such high ideals...I know I am sooooo guilty.
Love Kitty
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Old 09-21-2002, 05:02 AM
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********{Rose}}}}}

Hang in there!! The hormonal thing could be it with the depression. I hope it gets sorted out. You are one great lady and really have come to far. You all sound so busy, I got exhausted reading about it Maybe you should do something pampering for yourself, like a facial or massage Relax just a bit.

You take care.
Many hugs.
Love,
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Old 09-21-2002, 04:33 PM
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Kitty!

Ward and June Cleaver? If you were referring to me...you can HAVE my life!

Now I don't think you were...the reason I found that avatar is because I was lied to by those 50's sitcoms....NO ONE has a Cleaver life! The Beav had to have had something stashed...or he pawned those pearls!

The grass is NOT greener on the other side of the fence! You are seeing the face they present to the world the same way we put our best face forward. The breakdown for me was when it became front page news and I could no longer "pretend" that we were like the Cleavers.

Another thing someone told me once, and it stuck with me, is that people don't think or talk about us much as we think. We are not to top topic of conversation around everyones dinner table even tho it may feel like it sometimes. Food for thought..

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Old 09-23-2002, 11:52 AM
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Thanks All, I am feeling a bit better today. As it turns out both my husband and daughter went with me to the movies on Fri. night. We had a fun time.

I have been talking with my daughter about Alateen meetings lately. We talk about my husband and the problem and I share with her about my meetings and how and why they help me. She doesn't believe in God (oh boy that hurts) and I don't push it on her. She is concerned that because they meet in a church that God will get pushed on her. I have tried to reassure her and maybe when her SAT prep classes are finished she will attend. She has major issues with my husband and is angry and confused. She also is haveing a tough time with her "best" friend. She is in 11th grade and her friend is dating someone and totally ignoring my daughter. It is very painful for her. Please say a prayer for her. Oh and I have been inviting my son as well. I don't want to push too hard but I hope they will consider it. thanks
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Old 09-23-2002, 12:07 PM
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Hi Rose,

I'm glad you're feeling better. You will be able to share all the things you are learning with your children when they are ready. It seems that my kids started listening in their 20's. They just knew way too much before then.

All this effort you are putting into your recovery will be so beneficial for your children when they need it. The knowledge I learned helped my daughter turn her life around so that she can be happy. My son is open to listening now too. It made my suffering worth while.

Hugs,
MG
 

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