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My H thinks he has control over his drinking, as his drinking get closer together wit This is where I have trouble not projecting, I know what this is going to lead to. What I am trying to do is let go, this is not my business, this is his fight and his fight only. I am definetly giving that to him, I cant help him, he can only help himself. I think I actually went through a grieving process, when I realized and had no doubt in my mind, there was nothing I can do for his disease. Somwhere in the midst of my grieving, I said that's it, thats enough, get off our ass and do something for you, do not let his disease bring you down anymore, and this is sometimes a daily struggle, but I am getting better at taking care of myself. I do have boundaries set in place, it took me a long time to actually figure out that the boundaries are for me, but I know this now. I think my boundaries were higher, when I was setting them for him, my boundaries was another way of trying to control him and certain situations. Since I have learned differently, my boundaries are different, they are not so harsh, I am taking it easy on myself, because I want to make sure that I follow through with the ones that I am setting for myself. In my mind, this is one small way of gaining my self respect back, my boundaries will not be to punish my H, but to help me and me only, to keep me safe, whether its safe mentally, physically, morally whatever the case may be, my boundaries are for me. Thinking out loud, where does this fit in, or does it even matter?? I dont know if I will ever be able to let my wall down with my H again and I dont think I will every be able to let him back in. This is where one day at a time comes in, I know some of these answers will come to me one day, but for today I am not going to worry about them for if I do, I could go crazy. |
((((((((((((Emily))))))))))) You sound so healthy! Keep talking and writing this stuff out, you only reconfirm what you already know. You cant control it You cant cure it When an A says they can control thier drinking, they are going thru the denial process. Its a requirement of this disease to tell them selves this as many times as they need to, finally, god willing, there will be a time when they see that cannot, that a change is made. After all.....look at us. We do the same things over and over again, saying this time it will be different, right? Thinking we can control the outcome of something, only to find out we were wrong AGAIN! Eventually, we found that no, we coudlnt control out mouths, mothers, men...and finally surrenderred. How many times a person has to go thru the "Power" control stage, we dont know,,,higher power knows,,lets give him an opportunity to work his magic! Your doing great!:vg |
Beautifully put Emily. Recovery is working. Hugs, Magic |
How do you let go and protect your young children at the same time? I'm so confused! |
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