Step Study - Step 3
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Step Study - Step 3
Step 3 - Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood him
Intro to Step Three from Paths to Recovery, Al Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts. p. 28
In Step One we learned that many of our problems may have resulted from our ineffective efforts to manage our own lives; in Step Two we came to believe that a Higher Power could help restore us to sanity;. It naturally follows that the next Step would be turning to that Power for help. Some members shorten the first three Steps to, “I can’t. God can. I’ll let Him.” Obviously if our past efforts have been futile, and if we believe that a Power can help us, it makes sense to allow that power to do so.
The first phrase of Step Three, “Made a decision,” shows us that we have choices. We make this decision when we are ready. Everyone works through the Steps at their own pace, in many cases returning to earlier Steps over and over again until ready to move to the next one. No one compels us to turn over our will. We choose to do this because the way of life we created on self-will alone was neither satisfying nor serene.
What decision are we making? We are asked “to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Few of us are able to immediately turn over everything in our lives; making the decision to do so is merely a commitment to try. To illustrate this aspect of Step Three, a member posed the following: “Three frogs sat on a lily pad. One made a decision to jump off. How many frogs are left?” The answer is three. The frog merely made the decision to jump – he hasn’t jumped yet!
Intro to Step Three from Paths to Recovery, Al Anon’s Steps, Traditions and Concepts. p. 28
In Step One we learned that many of our problems may have resulted from our ineffective efforts to manage our own lives; in Step Two we came to believe that a Higher Power could help restore us to sanity;. It naturally follows that the next Step would be turning to that Power for help. Some members shorten the first three Steps to, “I can’t. God can. I’ll let Him.” Obviously if our past efforts have been futile, and if we believe that a Power can help us, it makes sense to allow that power to do so.
The first phrase of Step Three, “Made a decision,” shows us that we have choices. We make this decision when we are ready. Everyone works through the Steps at their own pace, in many cases returning to earlier Steps over and over again until ready to move to the next one. No one compels us to turn over our will. We choose to do this because the way of life we created on self-will alone was neither satisfying nor serene.
What decision are we making? We are asked “to turn our will and lives over to the care of God as we understood Him. Few of us are able to immediately turn over everything in our lives; making the decision to do so is merely a commitment to try. To illustrate this aspect of Step Three, a member posed the following: “Three frogs sat on a lily pad. One made a decision to jump off. How many frogs are left?” The answer is three. The frog merely made the decision to jump – he hasn’t jumped yet!
Last edited by osier59; 04-26-2005 at 07:02 AM. Reason: formatting (Im a recovering perfectionist!)
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
For those of you just joining us, each of the 12 steps will have its own thread. Feel free to participate at whatever your comfort level. Most of the information here will be from Al Anon literature: Paths to Recovery, Al Anon's Steps, Traditions and Concepts, and also Courage to Change, One Day at a Time in Al Anon.
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?
Am I willing to try to turn my problems over? What could help me to be willing?
How can I stop thinking, trying and considering, and actually make a decision?
Have I had a problem making decisions in my life? Give examples.
If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?
Do I trust my Higher Power to take care of me?
How might Step Three help me keep my hands off situations created by others?
What consequences have I had by obsessing on problems and other people?
When I “Let Go and Let God” take care of my life, am I willing to follow the guidance I receive?
How can I turn a situation over and let go of the results?
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
What can I do when my loved ones make decisions I don’t like?
How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine?
What can I do to try to see others as God sees them?
How can I express God’s will in my actions and words towards others, including the alcoholic?
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?
Am I willing to try to turn my problems over? What could help me to be willing?
How can I stop thinking, trying and considering, and actually make a decision?
Have I had a problem making decisions in my life? Give examples.
If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?
Do I trust my Higher Power to take care of me?
How might Step Three help me keep my hands off situations created by others?
What consequences have I had by obsessing on problems and other people?
When I “Let Go and Let God” take care of my life, am I willing to follow the guidance I receive?
How can I turn a situation over and let go of the results?
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
What can I do when my loved ones make decisions I don’t like?
How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine?
What can I do to try to see others as God sees them?
How can I express God’s will in my actions and words towards others, including the alcoholic?
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Courage to Change, January 23
In Step Three we “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” This is a big decision for those of us who have a tough time making even small decisions. Until I found Al Anon, I tended to let others decide how I should live, where I should go, and what I should do. The paradox is that, though I took little responsibility for my own life, I saw myself as an expert on everyone else’s life and felt accountable for all that happened.
The order in which the first three Steps are written helps me to overcome these attitude problems. First, I accept my inability to control the disease of alcoholism and admit that my life is unmanageable. Next, I come to believe that a Power greater than myself can help. After taking these two Steps, it becomes possible, desirable, and even logical, to make the enormous decision to trust my life to a Higher Power’s care.
Today’s Reminder:
At the start of each day I can make the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. This way I begin my day with a strong assertion that I choose to accept the reality of my life. I am moving in a healthy direction, growing ever more able to live a good life and to love those I meet along the way.
“Decision is a risk rooted in the courage of being free.” –Paul Tillich
In Step Three we “Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.” This is a big decision for those of us who have a tough time making even small decisions. Until I found Al Anon, I tended to let others decide how I should live, where I should go, and what I should do. The paradox is that, though I took little responsibility for my own life, I saw myself as an expert on everyone else’s life and felt accountable for all that happened.
The order in which the first three Steps are written helps me to overcome these attitude problems. First, I accept my inability to control the disease of alcoholism and admit that my life is unmanageable. Next, I come to believe that a Power greater than myself can help. After taking these two Steps, it becomes possible, desirable, and even logical, to make the enormous decision to trust my life to a Higher Power’s care.
Today’s Reminder:
At the start of each day I can make the decision to turn my will and my life over to the care of God. This way I begin my day with a strong assertion that I choose to accept the reality of my life. I am moving in a healthy direction, growing ever more able to live a good life and to love those I meet along the way.
“Decision is a risk rooted in the courage of being free.” –Paul Tillich
Member
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: western canada
Posts: 1,441
The answer is three. The frog merely made the decision to jump – he hasn’t jumped yet!
Exactly!!
I've seen too many times how a person's perspective can get so skewed that any and all decisions THEY make based on their perspective and self will are doomed.
Aligning my will with my HP opens up a whole new vista of perspective... don't know why.. or how... just know it does..
Of course.. I cannot give my will up perfectly... for I am human and therefore chronicly imperfect... but... when I am stumbling around... and in emotional and mental chaos... then I can say with certainty that I have lost my HP and must go looking for him once again.
When I do.. and again become teachable... then the world snaps back into focus for me.
My life is shyte without my HP.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
One of the problems I had with this step is that I thought my will was my HPs will. Funny how my will knew how to sound like my HP. But,as I listened to the voice of my will I started noticing inconsistancies and realizing that my will was not about the good of all involed. My will was about what I wanted to happen and the order in which I thought what I wanted to happen should be.....Ahemmmmm
I ate some humble pie it was not fun but, out of that I was able to make a decision to turn my will over to the care of...not perfectly of course not without making mistakes but,just deciding to helped me so much....
I ate some humble pie it was not fun but, out of that I was able to make a decision to turn my will over to the care of...not perfectly of course not without making mistakes but,just deciding to helped me so much....
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
This is the step that I've been stuck on...coincidentally, Mike is also stuck here, so maybe we have more in common that I thought, LOL.
I've had a hard time turning things over to my HP, because I have difficulty in believing that He has a plan for me, one that I don't know anything about, can't read the itinerary for, and doesn't include what I WANT. Well, I guess sometimes it includes what I want, but sometimes what I want isn't what I'm supposed to have. And sometimes, I never saw what I needed until it popped up in front of my face. It's difficult for me to remember that what I can't handle alone can be turned over, that what is too big for my hands will fit just perfectly in His.
I've had a hard time turning things over to my HP, because I have difficulty in believing that He has a plan for me, one that I don't know anything about, can't read the itinerary for, and doesn't include what I WANT. Well, I guess sometimes it includes what I want, but sometimes what I want isn't what I'm supposed to have. And sometimes, I never saw what I needed until it popped up in front of my face. It's difficult for me to remember that what I can't handle alone can be turned over, that what is too big for my hands will fit just perfectly in His.
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Courage to Change 2/28
Turning over my will and my life to the care of a Higher Power (the Third Step) is an ongoing process. At first I surrendered only the big problems. I felt I had no choice—I was clearly powerless, and my best efforts had let me down. There was nowhere left to turn except to a Power greater than myself who could accomplish what I could not.
As my recovery progressed, I came to trust this Higher Power. Today I am pursuing a deeper relationship by improving my conscious contact with my Higher Power. When I face a decision, whether it involves dealing with an alcoholic, accepting a job offer, or making plans for the evening, I ask for guidance. When I pick up the phone to speak with an Al-Anon friend, I ask that I might serve as a channel for my Higher Power. I can’t always know my Higher Power’s will, but I can seek greater spiritual awareness every day by becoming willing to receive guidance.
Today’s Reminder
Faith takes practice. I will include my Higher Power in more of my actions and decisions today.
“Step Three suggests I teach myself, from this moment on, to be receptive, to open myself to help from my Higher Power.”
Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions
Turning over my will and my life to the care of a Higher Power (the Third Step) is an ongoing process. At first I surrendered only the big problems. I felt I had no choice—I was clearly powerless, and my best efforts had let me down. There was nowhere left to turn except to a Power greater than myself who could accomplish what I could not.
As my recovery progressed, I came to trust this Higher Power. Today I am pursuing a deeper relationship by improving my conscious contact with my Higher Power. When I face a decision, whether it involves dealing with an alcoholic, accepting a job offer, or making plans for the evening, I ask for guidance. When I pick up the phone to speak with an Al-Anon friend, I ask that I might serve as a channel for my Higher Power. I can’t always know my Higher Power’s will, but I can seek greater spiritual awareness every day by becoming willing to receive guidance.
Today’s Reminder
Faith takes practice. I will include my Higher Power in more of my actions and decisions today.
“Step Three suggests I teach myself, from this moment on, to be receptive, to open myself to help from my Higher Power.”
Al-Anon’s Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
This step sounded a lot harder to me than it was. My sponsor told me that all I had to do was continue to work the rest of the steps. That was all my higher power wanted from me at the time.
I see a lot of people sitting on this step, trying to figure out who God is, and what He wants. But if we go ahead and work 4 through 12, somewhere in the middle of the work, we begin to have the spiritual awakening. We start to understand what God's will is for us. We start getting the promises of the program.
I was also told that sitting on step 3 might mean that I hadn't worked the previous 2 yet. Surrender + Belief = Decision. Hugs, Magic
I see a lot of people sitting on this step, trying to figure out who God is, and what He wants. But if we go ahead and work 4 through 12, somewhere in the middle of the work, we begin to have the spiritual awakening. We start to understand what God's will is for us. We start getting the promises of the program.
I was also told that sitting on step 3 might mean that I hadn't worked the previous 2 yet. Surrender + Belief = Decision. Hugs, Magic
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Thanks Magic! I was just going to post this about spiritual awakenings....
Courage to Change January 26
I’d read the Twelfth Step many times before I saw it. But there it was: “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps. . .“ What a promise! If I worked these Steps, I’d have a spiritual awakening! There was hope, even for me!
Now that’s not why I first came to Al-Anon. Like many, I came to find out how to make someone stop drinking. It was much later when I realized that my life was missing a sense of direction only a Higher Power could provide.
Those wonderful Twelfth Step words gave me the encouragement I needed to begin at the beginning. Slowly, sometimes painfully, I worked my way through the Steps. In time, something amazing happened. I was filled with a sense of my God and His love for me. I felt whole. I knew I’d never be the same again.
Today’s Reminder
The Steps offer me a road map for living that leads to a spiritual awakening and beyond. I can’t skip ahead to the end of the journey—which can at times be a hard one—but I can put one foot in front of the other and follow the directions I’ve been given, knowing that others who have gone before me have received more along the way than they had ever dreamed.
“The first time I ever heard the Twelve Steps read at a meeting, I became very still. I felt I was not breathing. . . I was just listening with my whole being.. . I knew deep within me that! was home.”
As We Understood…
Courage to Change January 26
I’d read the Twelfth Step many times before I saw it. But there it was: “Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps. . .“ What a promise! If I worked these Steps, I’d have a spiritual awakening! There was hope, even for me!
Now that’s not why I first came to Al-Anon. Like many, I came to find out how to make someone stop drinking. It was much later when I realized that my life was missing a sense of direction only a Higher Power could provide.
Those wonderful Twelfth Step words gave me the encouragement I needed to begin at the beginning. Slowly, sometimes painfully, I worked my way through the Steps. In time, something amazing happened. I was filled with a sense of my God and His love for me. I felt whole. I knew I’d never be the same again.
Today’s Reminder
The Steps offer me a road map for living that leads to a spiritual awakening and beyond. I can’t skip ahead to the end of the journey—which can at times be a hard one—but I can put one foot in front of the other and follow the directions I’ve been given, knowing that others who have gone before me have received more along the way than they had ever dreamed.
“The first time I ever heard the Twelve Steps read at a meeting, I became very still. I felt I was not breathing. . . I was just listening with my whole being.. . I knew deep within me that! was home.”
As We Understood…
Guest
Posts: n/a
I too am so stuck on this one. I start every morning with a little prayer asking that HIS will be done..not mine. I seem to be going along fine and wham! I'll say something or do something that I know is MY will. I just know it in my heart. When this happens I'm right back to step one. Perhaps I should just be moving along as Magic suggests. Thank you so much for this.
hugs,
shammy
hugs,
shammy
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Third Step Prayer.
This is taken from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous... but I know many in the Al Anon program who say this prayer every morning.
"God, I offer myself to Thee --
to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve
me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear
witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and
Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
This is taken from the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous... but I know many in the Al Anon program who say this prayer every morning.
"God, I offer myself to Thee --
to build with me and to do with me as Thou wilt. Relieve
me of the bondage of self, that I may better do Thy will.
Take away my difficulties, that victory over them may bear
witness to those I would help of Thy Power, Thy Love, and
Thy Way of life. May I do Thy will always!"
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
I am stuck here too. Or maybe as Magic said, I haven't fully accepted 1 or 2. I KNOW my life is unmanageable. I have faith that God is in charge and that he is capable of restoring my sanity. But, I get stuck. I have prayed, I have begged, I have asked - and I still find myself struggling with A's behavior. "if he doesn't do A, B, C... I will kick him out. "if he does do A, B, C, I will kick him out." Now, I am thinking "i will divorce him" instead of "i will kick him out"... it just goes round and round and round. Have a very hard time getting past this, especially right now.
I really need help getting away from A's behavior and focusing on my behavior and my relationship with God. Very difficult for me for some reason.
I really need help getting away from A's behavior and focusing on my behavior and my relationship with God. Very difficult for me for some reason.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
I just helped Mike type out his Step 3 answers. Now it has me thinking...why does someone else's work make my head hurt? This step really has me upside down. I think Magic has touched on something for me...maybe before I really try to work this step, I need to revisit one and two. The worst that can happen is that I'm no less stuck, right? There is nothing to lose by going over one and two again, so thanks Magic.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In the mountain air
Posts: 1,345
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
I feel that turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance has helped me in my recovery a great deal. No matter what is going on in my life, I don’t have to feel alone – even by myself, my HP is there with me.
How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?
I know because He is the God of MY Understanding. It is what I believe He is, no matter what that may be – if it is a tree that I find helps me, then a tree it is (NO my HP is NOT a tree! LOL)
Am I willing to try to turn my problems over? What could help me to be willing?
I am absolutely willing to turn my problems over to my HP. What helped me to do so was finding myself completely overwhelmed emotionally, and feeling as though I had nowhere to turn with it.
How can I stop thinking, trying and considering, and actually make a decision?
When I have a decision to make I find myself going over all of my options. I spend some time considering the alternatives, making a list of what each option I have can benefit or harm, and then I usually know what the decision should be. If that fails, I come here, and talk it out with those who understand, and ask for their opinions.
Have I had a problem making decisions in my life? Give examples.
I’ve always had problems with making decisions. For a very long time, I didn’t make decisions, I let someone else make the decisions, and it was just one more thing in my life that I held resentments over. For example, when going on a vacation, I never decided what dates we would go, or even offered input. I rearranged whatever I had going on to suit someone else’s decision, and later felt like I was unimportant.
If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?
What holds me back is that I allow others to make the decisions. I know I am capable of doing this, but don’t take the initiative, or speak up when the decision is not a good one for me.
Do I trust my Higher Power to take care of me?
I absolutely trust my HP.
How might Step Three help me keep my hands off situations created by others?
Step three helps me to keep my hands off situations created by others because I can now understand that my HP is there to guide me, and others have the same choice – to trust in an HP to guide them…knowing this helps me to say, I can’t do this/fix this/control this, but so-and-so’s HP will be there to take care of what has to happen.
What consequences have I had by obsessing on problems and other people?
I’ve made myself physically ill by worrying and obsessing on others, I’ve brought myself countless hours of panic, hurt and tears that were unnecessary, I’ve made myself feel like a fool by trying to control someone else…I could go on, but I won’t.
When I “Let Go and Let God” take care of my life, am I willing to follow the guidance I receive?
Yes, I am. I’ve come to realize that what is going to happen, is going to happen regardless of my efforts to control it. If I ‘let go and let God’ I am more clearly able to see what I have to do, and what I have to let alone.
How can I turn a situation over and let go of the results?
I can turn a situation over with prayer. I can let go of the results by keeping faith in my HP that the results are the way it is supposed to be.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
I can stop myself by keeping my faith in my HP, by prayer, and by remembering that the HP of my understanding is loving and forgiving, and will not turn away from me when I need Him most.
What can I do when my loved ones make decisions I don’t like?
I can discuss it with my loved one, attempt to find a compromise that keeps us all happy, and if that doesn’t work, I have to let it go.
How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine?
Again, I have to let go.
What can I do to try to see others as God sees them?
I can keep an open mind, and an open heart.
How can I express God’s will in my actions and words towards others, including the alcoholic?
I can do this by practicing compassion, faith, and forgiveness.
How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
I feel that turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance has helped me in my recovery a great deal. No matter what is going on in my life, I don’t have to feel alone – even by myself, my HP is there with me.
How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?
I know because He is the God of MY Understanding. It is what I believe He is, no matter what that may be – if it is a tree that I find helps me, then a tree it is (NO my HP is NOT a tree! LOL)
Am I willing to try to turn my problems over? What could help me to be willing?
I am absolutely willing to turn my problems over to my HP. What helped me to do so was finding myself completely overwhelmed emotionally, and feeling as though I had nowhere to turn with it.
How can I stop thinking, trying and considering, and actually make a decision?
When I have a decision to make I find myself going over all of my options. I spend some time considering the alternatives, making a list of what each option I have can benefit or harm, and then I usually know what the decision should be. If that fails, I come here, and talk it out with those who understand, and ask for their opinions.
Have I had a problem making decisions in my life? Give examples.
I’ve always had problems with making decisions. For a very long time, I didn’t make decisions, I let someone else make the decisions, and it was just one more thing in my life that I held resentments over. For example, when going on a vacation, I never decided what dates we would go, or even offered input. I rearranged whatever I had going on to suit someone else’s decision, and later felt like I was unimportant.
If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?
What holds me back is that I allow others to make the decisions. I know I am capable of doing this, but don’t take the initiative, or speak up when the decision is not a good one for me.
Do I trust my Higher Power to take care of me?
I absolutely trust my HP.
How might Step Three help me keep my hands off situations created by others?
Step three helps me to keep my hands off situations created by others because I can now understand that my HP is there to guide me, and others have the same choice – to trust in an HP to guide them…knowing this helps me to say, I can’t do this/fix this/control this, but so-and-so’s HP will be there to take care of what has to happen.
What consequences have I had by obsessing on problems and other people?
I’ve made myself physically ill by worrying and obsessing on others, I’ve brought myself countless hours of panic, hurt and tears that were unnecessary, I’ve made myself feel like a fool by trying to control someone else…I could go on, but I won’t.
When I “Let Go and Let God” take care of my life, am I willing to follow the guidance I receive?
Yes, I am. I’ve come to realize that what is going to happen, is going to happen regardless of my efforts to control it. If I ‘let go and let God’ I am more clearly able to see what I have to do, and what I have to let alone.
How can I turn a situation over and let go of the results?
I can turn a situation over with prayer. I can let go of the results by keeping faith in my HP that the results are the way it is supposed to be.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
I can stop myself by keeping my faith in my HP, by prayer, and by remembering that the HP of my understanding is loving and forgiving, and will not turn away from me when I need Him most.
What can I do when my loved ones make decisions I don’t like?
I can discuss it with my loved one, attempt to find a compromise that keeps us all happy, and if that doesn’t work, I have to let it go.
How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine?
Again, I have to let go.
What can I do to try to see others as God sees them?
I can keep an open mind, and an open heart.
How can I express God’s will in my actions and words towards others, including the alcoholic?
I can do this by practicing compassion, faith, and forgiveness.
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Courage to Change ODAT in Al-Anon II 8/27
At my first Al-Anon meeting, I was disappointed when I was given the Twelve Steps instead of a “do’s and don’t’s” list for changing the alcoholic. Nevertheless, I was desperate enough to give the Steps a try, anyway.
At my second Al-Anon meeting I thought I had those first three Steps down pretty well—I knew I was powerless, I believed in God, and I was willing to dump my problems onto anyone who would take them. As I continued to attend meetings I began to see that I wasn’t really admitting my powerlessness or I wouldn’t keep trying to control everyone and everything around me. OK, so I skipped the part about letting go and letting God.
Today I am so glad to have a patient God, so that when I finally say, “Not my will but Your will,” God steps in and sorts things out in ways I never would have imagined. The first three Steps aren’t as easy as I once thought, but in Al-Anon I’ve learned to aim for progress, not perfection.
Today’s Reminder
When I was dealing with alcoholism without the help of Al-Anon, I developed coping skills. These are no longer enough. Al-Anon is teaching me a new and better set of skills. I will try to be patient with myself. I’m doing fine.
“As long as you live, keep learning how to live.”
Seneca
At my first Al-Anon meeting, I was disappointed when I was given the Twelve Steps instead of a “do’s and don’t’s” list for changing the alcoholic. Nevertheless, I was desperate enough to give the Steps a try, anyway.
At my second Al-Anon meeting I thought I had those first three Steps down pretty well—I knew I was powerless, I believed in God, and I was willing to dump my problems onto anyone who would take them. As I continued to attend meetings I began to see that I wasn’t really admitting my powerlessness or I wouldn’t keep trying to control everyone and everything around me. OK, so I skipped the part about letting go and letting God.
Today I am so glad to have a patient God, so that when I finally say, “Not my will but Your will,” God steps in and sorts things out in ways I never would have imagined. The first three Steps aren’t as easy as I once thought, but in Al-Anon I’ve learned to aim for progress, not perfection.
Today’s Reminder
When I was dealing with alcoholism without the help of Al-Anon, I developed coping skills. These are no longer enough. Al-Anon is teaching me a new and better set of skills. I will try to be patient with myself. I’m doing fine.
“As long as you live, keep learning how to live.”
Seneca
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
In the book Alcoholics Anonymous, the first 57 pages are dedicated to the first 2 steps. They are mental propositions that are, obviously, very hard to swallow. "Who cares to admit complete defeat?" "deep down in every man, woman, and child is the fundamental idea of God. It may be obscured by calamity, by pomp, by worship of other things, but in some form or other it is there."
Reading and studying those 57 pages helped me to accept those first 2 mental propositions, and make that decision to move "Into Action" as the book describes. That is just my experience. Maybe it can help someone else. Hugs, Magic
Reading and studying those 57 pages helped me to accept those first 2 mental propositions, and make that decision to move "Into Action" as the book describes. That is just my experience. Maybe it can help someone else. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Sioux Falls SD
Posts: 10
Step 3: Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
I feel I have already done this.
How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?
I made the decision four years ago that God is my higher power
Am I willing to try to turn my problems over? What could help me to be willing?
Yes
How can I stop thinking, trying and considering, and actually make a decision?
I think this involves an intimate conversation with God possibly with the help of somebody who understands.
Have I had a problem making decisions in my life? Give examples.
Yes, after getting my A.S. in Human Services (specializing in Chemical Dependency counseling), I still haven’t decided whether to commute 45 minutes to go into a counseling program or go to a Social work program in my town. (I am open to input if anyone can help)
If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?
Fear of the wrong decision.
Do I trust my Higher Power to take care of me?
Yes but acknowledge my responsibility to follow His lead
How might Step Three help me keep my hands off situations created by others?
I can turn it over to God, who can help the situation.
What consequences have I had by obsessing on problems and other people?
I tend to neglect my own problems.
When I “Let Go and Let God” take care of my life, am I willing to follow the guidance I receive?
Yes, but it may take time to follow this guidance.
How can I turn a situation over and let go of the results?
Prayer.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
Prayer.
What can I do when my loved ones make decisions I don’t like?
Voice my concerns (with tact) but respect that they will make their own choices.
How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine?
I can lead by example.
What can I do to try to see others as God sees them?
Reflect on God and approach the situation as a follower of God.
How can I express God’s will in my actions and words towards others, including the alcoholic?<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
Think of who is benefited by my approach, me or the other person. Also remember that I am loved by God and cherish my importance. This will allow me to say “no, God did not make me to be a victim and I won’t tolerate it.”<o:p></o:p>
How do I feel about turning my life over to a Higher Power for guidance?
I feel I have already done this.
How do I know who or what my Higher Power is?
I made the decision four years ago that God is my higher power
Am I willing to try to turn my problems over? What could help me to be willing?
Yes
How can I stop thinking, trying and considering, and actually make a decision?
I think this involves an intimate conversation with God possibly with the help of somebody who understands.
Have I had a problem making decisions in my life? Give examples.
Yes, after getting my A.S. in Human Services (specializing in Chemical Dependency counseling), I still haven’t decided whether to commute 45 minutes to go into a counseling program or go to a Social work program in my town. (I am open to input if anyone can help)
If I am unable to make this decision, what holds me back?
Fear of the wrong decision.
Do I trust my Higher Power to take care of me?
Yes but acknowledge my responsibility to follow His lead
How might Step Three help me keep my hands off situations created by others?
I can turn it over to God, who can help the situation.
What consequences have I had by obsessing on problems and other people?
I tend to neglect my own problems.
When I “Let Go and Let God” take care of my life, am I willing to follow the guidance I receive?
Yes, but it may take time to follow this guidance.
How can I turn a situation over and let go of the results?
Prayer.
How can I stop myself from taking my will back?
Prayer.
What can I do when my loved ones make decisions I don’t like?
Voice my concerns (with tact) but respect that they will make their own choices.
How can I let my loved ones find their own life paths as I am finding mine?
I can lead by example.
What can I do to try to see others as God sees them?
Reflect on God and approach the situation as a follower of God.
How can I express God’s will in my actions and words towards others, including the alcoholic?<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p>
Think of who is benefited by my approach, me or the other person. Also remember that I am loved by God and cherish my importance. This will allow me to say “no, God did not make me to be a victim and I won’t tolerate it.”<o:p></o:p>
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