rara

I just posted a long story about my AH's drinking in front of my niece and nephew.

Well, since then he is now "going back on Phase 1" of the South Beach Diet. Code+translation=I am not going to drink any alcohol for two weeks. This has happened before (recently, after another disatrous incident) and I enjoyed his being sober. Then it's back to Dr. Jekyyl and Mr. Hyde. Presumably, he wants to lose more weight, which is true and he does need to. But he will never say, "after that incident, maybe it would be good to think about getting sober"---it's Phase 1, here we come! He said well, I just need to control my drinking!!

My AH is a bad communicator anyway, and the alcohol just makes it much worse. So I am always trying to decode these messages. I feel like I have had to learn a foreign language (which I never will, of course). My role has been to say little and just go along with the codes. I did just say, "well you seem much happier and feel better when you don't drink". This is all I can manage so the new attempt won't backfire. Crazy.

Does anyone else experience the codes and foreign languages?

BlueMoon

oh yeah (weary smile)

I've gotten to the point where I refuse to play "decipher this" any more. One of my little brothers likes to play that - ah hell - my whole family does!

Somewhere along the line, I just got tired. I don't look for hidden meanings, I don't beg them to be "clearer". I take everything at face value. It's the only way *I* can stay 1/2 sane.

Blue

minnie

Ah, the hidden messages. Yes, been there. The one thing I learnt was that when an A is serious about recovery, you will hear it loud and clear. In your language.

So, no need to waste your time on this one.

Magichappens

Part of Al-Anon's primary purpose is to understand and encourage our alcoholic relatives. Sounds simple, but it is very complicated. Understanding that Mr Magic wanted things to be better, but was unable to find a replacement for the addiction was part of my learning to understand him. He continued to try and I continued to encourage him not to give up. Eventually he found a recovery that works in AA. It was not before many struggles and attempts that failed.

The other part of the primary purpose was to work the 12 steps ourself, and to help other families suffering from the effects of alcoholism. These two actions helped me to find my own recovery. I had to find something that worked for me, or I wouldn't have been able to last through the painful process.

Keep reaching out. You don't have to go through this alone. Hugs, Magic

cupowater

I heard it said somewhere, "The one thing you can depend on an A is that they are undependable!"