emily33

My H so proudly tells me yesterday that he has this alcoholic problem beat, it is now out of his system, it is out of his head he says, he says he knows that he cant drink everyday, that would be horrible, he asked me when I was going to believe him that he had it beat. When was my faith in him going to kick in. I didnt know what to say to him.

I did tell him that I was proud of him for his decision to not drink everyday. I ended up saying to him, this is not my issue this is yours, and there is nothing I can do about it. I told him that me being proud or not proud is not the issue, He should be proud of himself because this has everything to do with him and nothing to do with me.

going from not drinking for six months, to drinking once a month, to bi-weekly and sometimes weekly.

drgnfly30

(((emily33))) been there done that. Mine has quit for months at a time only to have it creep back into his daily life... I think you handled it well...In the past (not for awhile now!), when my H has proclaimed he's got this alcoholism thing under control & sought out the usual praise - I could only muster - you must be the only A on the face of the earth that can control his drinking!

Just call me the smart A** comeback queen... geesh I gotta work on that !!

ggnewme

And this is the basis of my problem with exABF, to whom I still don't even trust myslef enough to even talk to... I miss him tremedously, but I just don't know how to trust that he is "well" or in control, even really on his way. So sad - I want to believe in him SO much, but I really think he needs a lot of one on one counseling, and he is soooo resistant to any kind of growth or change, and I believe that effort towards growth and willingness to change is not only a good idea, but a mandatory way of life. For everyone who ever wants to even glimpse total mental health. Sure it's painful, but it is imparitive.

Anyhoo, I'm also trying to figure out what in my brain made me pick him in the first place. Good stuff.

Thanks, all ~

StandingStrong

Just another example as to why they call it a progressive disease.
The signs are right there in front of you.
He's playing the same old song and dance, convincing himself and others that he can handle it, and doing the whole thing.
I'm sorry to sound callous, but that's the way it seems to me.
You are on that rollercoaster ride still.

CodeMaster

Tell him you believe in him, how proud you are of him, and how you should celebrate. Believe in him.... I mean, if thats what it will take for them to actually be sober and loving, do it!!!! What a great offer!!!

In my case though,

I did that with my ex recently, she still walked over me like a doormat. Much good did that do. I finally decided you cant help or ration with an addict (in my case, not speaking for anyone else). Her minds back to 16 years old (when she started drinking) and the more I think about it, the more I can see the truth behind that theory.

Decided to follow what so many people tell me which is to protect myself, stop allowing myself to be a doormat and I only have myself to blame when I allow it each time.

minnie

Oh, don't you just love the rollercoaster?! Seems to me like he's trying to keep you on your toes.

If a drunken bozo stops drinking, you get left with a bozo. Unless, of course, the get some recovery under their belt.

Emily, you know better than to listen to and believe the quacking.

Keep the focus where it belongs. On YOU. And your little ones.

Love

Minnie
xxx

prodigal

If NOTHING changes .... nothing changes. Sounds moronically simple, but think about it. What has changed??? Jeesh, if I could have a dollar for everytime all the A's in my life have told me they could "control" their drinknig I'd be a millionaire ten times over!

It's not just about their lack of ability to control their drinking .... because if they tell you they've got that licked without working a program its called denial: D - E - N - I - A - L. It's also about their coping abilities and their basic mindset. A.A. gives people twelve simple steps that are, in reality, difficult to master. However, millions have found recovery based on those steps.

I applaud anyone who makes an honest effort to stop drinking when they realize they have a problem .... BUT it's MORE than a problem - it's an emotional addiction coupled with a physical craving, which equals a disease of the body and mind.

You have an excellent outlook on this situation and it sounds like you're detaching with love. I admire your ability to stop playing the merry-go-round game of alcoholism!!

CodeMaster

This is quoted off of webhealthcentre.com describing the dry drunk syndrome:
http://www.webhealthcentre.com/general/da_dry.asp

"Denials and Over Confidence: You deny that you have to make lifestyle changes. You deny that you have to change your attitude to life. You do not want to discuss your problem. You boast that you have kicked the habit. Quite recklessly, you even say that you can drink without getting addicted again. You do not realise that at this point, you are not ready for this test at all!"