and when will I go out?
 

I am trying to muster up enough steam to go out. My A did not wait 24 hours and he had a babe in arms. That as you all know really made me furious. I am trying to "want " to go out and spend an evening with friends but honestly I have no desire. NONE.....what is this...I can't believe I am acting this way. Old age..........? Everyone asks me who are you dating....Ugh ...dating! I don't think I can ever trust another male....mind you I did not catch him cheating on me...that was not the original issue....but now he is already considering himself "free" amazing.
Vent vent....My atty says I vent to much to him...nice guy huh?
Love Kitty

********{Kitty}}}}}

This is called taking time to get yourself together and getting through all the changes you have had.

What's the rush? You can take your time and enjoy the peace of being alone for a while....there's nothing wrong with that.

Healing is good. Peace is good. The rest will come when the time is right.

Something we have learned in our recovery is that it is okay to be good to ourselves, and to be alone. We don't need someone else to hand us the key to happiness - that key is ours. And we earned it.

Kitty,

Just do your venting here. We're all ears. You don't have to go out right now. You are using a lot of your energy just coping with all this stuff.

If you're depressed you might want to try to do something a little fun, but give yourself some time. I like to stay close to home when I'm not feeling well. It is secure for me here.

You have too much energy to stay down for long. I just know you'll be out kicking your heels before too long.

Hugs,
MG

I know where your coming from kitty. Although I am only 30, whenever I would try to go out with friends, around 10pm I would be ready to go home and go to bed! :o

It is hard to get back out in the game of things, but there is no rush! It seems like if you go in a hurry it always backfires. Enjoy this time for you............!!!

Take care!

Kitty,

You ARE talking about going out with friends, right? Not LOOKING!!

I think I could understand...as much as I like going the with the girls, more times than not I would rather stay home. The girls I work with are pretty social and the ages are all over the map...sometimes I go but most times I don't.

Maybe it IS age...I don't clean my whole house in a day anymore either.

Don't sweat it Kitty...something tells me that when you are ready to cut loose I will be able to hear it out hear in the suburbs!!

Hugs,
JT

JT.........
I am in th burbs : )
Love Kitty

Speaking of The Burbs. That is one of my favorite movies. If you want to cheer up go rent it.

Hugs,
MG

Kitty,

Just some insight on one of my experiences. I went out "just to get out" several years ago trying to untangle my feelings for my ex-boyfriend. I did not feel ready, but did it anyway just to get out. The bottom line was, I was not emotionally ready, and I wound up in a worse relationship than the one I left!

This time, I am taking my time. I do not want to jump into anything unless I feel emotionally healed. For me, that would be a big mistake.

Of course, easier said than done. When you've been married for a while, sex gets to be important. I don't know how to advise you on that topic. I can only say, I would use discretion until you feel ready to be in a relationship.

Cheers,

Linda G

Kitty
You bring to mind a favorite song of mine that Saffire and the Uppity Blueswomen do called 'Better Than No Man at All'. Anyway, sometimes I wish my exa had another woman, then I would feel justified a little more at throwing him out. May be then I could get a little child support also. Selfish me. Just enjoy this time with yourself, as it sounds as if you are. Quiet times are when the HP has his best conversations with you.

Thanks for all the advice.....I think I just want to go out to punish the A. But I still can't even go that far! I must be mellowing... :)
Love Kitty

When we do something we don't want to do, like
when we nurture our anger,
we only hurt ourselves. It doesn't touch the person who wronged us. Generally when we try to punish other people in this we way only punish ourselves. And, in a sense, that means we're taking their punishment for them. Again.

You stay right home where you feel comfy until the spirit moves you.

hugs!

I agree smoke, I just had a brief phone call, never pleasant,...he is out everynight because he says there is nothing at the home where he is living , our OLD house. Hmmmmm and like what IS here? The same thing, only a different place. I just don't seem to have the need to run around as he does.
: )
Love Kitty

Kitty,
I went thru a time in my life after my ex and I separated that I could not BEAR to be in my apt alone. As soon as I came home from work I was out the door to go to the mall, a movie, anywhere but HOME ALONE. After some time in Al Anon, I realized I was keeping myself busy so as not to slow down, relax and look at the pain in my life. That may be what your ex is doing now... but sooner or later things tend to catch up with you.

Take time to get yourself happy, healthy and whole. Not only will you feel better than ever, it may just be the best revenge as well!

HUGS from me
O59

Hi Kitty,

My Ex did the same thing. Went out night after night with many different women. He was only trying to fill the void of loneliness.
He still thinks I'm the key to his happiness if only he would seek the help he needs to understand and realize that his happiness lies within himself. Nobody else!!!

I get lonely too! When we first separated I went out alot so I won't think of him and my pain. Now I'm in a place in my life where for the first time I really enjoy being alone - the solitude. I love being with my children but the times I do get by myself I love.

Hang in there! When it's time for YOU to go out - you'll know and it'll be for the right reasons instead of the wrong. I'm thinking of you.

Love,
Galnva