Grace

I left my alcoholic and I'm on my own.
I know this should be feeling good, but it doesn't.
I started a new job, and I am overwhelmed and exhausted.
When I come home, I just want to go to sleep.
They threw me into this job with no real supervision or training.
I feel inadequate and unqualified.
I am depressed and all I want to do is sleep.
I am working as a therapist in a nursing home, and I care for the patients, but they are sick and they are dying.
I feel like I am dying inside. I have lost a lot of weight, but I have no appetite, and I am very depressed.
I asked them for more help at work, but they give me very little, and I hear them talking behind my back.

HELP!!! I don't know what to do.

Grace

FriendofBill

Sweetie, there is no way that you *Should*feel when you end a relationship. When I left my A, I felt just like you. PRetty stinkin bad!

I too had the same symptoms you had,depression, loss of weight, sleepyness. These ARE signs of depression, and in my case it was situational depression. That means its brought on by a stressful, sad situation ie: break up.

Grace, you dont have to suffer thru this...medication (For me, Paxil) is there for you, its makes ALL the difference in the word. Go to your primary care doctor, explain the situation, they will get you started.

The second solution, which has ALWAYS worked in mylife, is my recovery program, AL ANon. Those good people loved me back to life.

You have been afected by the disease, please go or continue to go to meetings.

It WILL get better, friend, this too shall pass

JT

You have a double whammy going against you. First the break up and then the situation at work.

Depression is a very real thing. I have exprerienced it twice in my adult life. The first time was due to the stress of my family life and I fought my way out in Al Anon. The second was due to a death and I resorted to antidepressants while I worked through it. I am now off of them after about 2 years...

It is good that you recognize a problem. If you see it you can address it.

((Hugs))
JT

quietsins

the fact you realize you feel overwhelmed is half the battle. between a therapist and antidepressants, i gathered enough time in my own head to get past all the bumps to where i could give both of them up. but it took time.

congrats on the new job
quietsins

Cap3

My Dear Grace,you have alot going on in your life.Alot of life,altering changes.Your health.Your operations.New place to live.Being seperated from your partner.New job.New folks to work with.Well of course your feeling depressed.Your life has been up in the air for some time now.Exciting,and some not exciting,new changes.With change there is a host of emotions.Some really exciting,and some just confused,getting depressed,like when are things going to settle?.Balance for me is the key.One Day At A Time,is good for me to to remember,because thats all i can go at,sometimes.Grace although i don't give out advice,i will now,,lol.Please see your Doctor,about the no appetite.Hope that you are eating anyways.Its important.For myself,continuing my relationship with God,who heals all thats within,i today don't suffer depression.
Thanks for sharring where your'e at today.Keep on keeping on.God Bless,you.

fingerscrossed

I too just had a break up with my Abf and it hurts like hell. But if he was right here, right now would I feel better? No...the trust had been totally destroyed, he made me lose my self respect and question myself, and he blamed me totally--all the while cheating on me. What kind of relationship is that? It was all me in the end--oh yeah, in the beginning life was grand, I was the love of his life, blah blah--but when the hard times came and they came because of his alcoholism, he bailed out so fast, leaving me stunned and in shock. How could I have married someone like that? What would my life have been? Those thoughts help when I am up late at night feeling so alone....

Be good to yourself, and think that you deserve sooooo much better.

wraybear

Grace, glad to see you sharing this. I have worked the same job for 17 years, and I can tell you, if you are feeling that overwhelmed or untrained, talk to your supervisor. I would much rather have a new employee come to me and talk so we can work out a game plan, than to have them fail. Tell her/him that you need more training. Maybe you can suggest you work with another person for a week or two. So, don't blame yourself, it is their job to train you and if they are too short staffed or lazy or whatever, it is not your fault. Almost every job, no matter what field, requires training and if they are unwilling to do that, it is their problem, not your fault! And, at some point you can do some soul searching to determine if this is the right job for you. Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. If you decide it isn't, then find another and quit! In my opinion, someone who realizes it isn't a good fit, is a strong person!

And, yes... depression. I took Paxil for about 16 months and it REALLY helped. I think i remember you saying on a previous post when you were dealing with your cancer that you don't like drugs... but Paxil can't hurt you if you take it as directed and it is only TEMPORARY. You don't have to take it for the rest of your life... just a year or two.

Grace, you have had a lot to deal with lately. You must remember that your X was pretty darn mean to you and that has affected your outlook. You spent a lot of time with him, it may take a lot of time to heal emotionally too. Have you read Osier's "steps" that she started posting? It may be a good time to read them, ponder them, even get out a piece of paper and answer some of the questions.

Grace, this is YOUR time... your time to heal! Give yourself the time it takes.
I wish you the best! I too am a cancer survivor and from the time of your first post, i have felt a bond with you. Take care! and peace to you.

DesertEyes

Hey there Grace,

You just described my life :-) That's _exactly_ what I feel.

Here's what I'm doing. I'm going to lots of meetings of Al-Anon, where I've met new friends and learned all kinds of imporant things about me. When I'm too physically ill to drive, these friends come pick me up and take me to meetings.

I went to a doctor (well, I wound up with more than one, but that's not the point) and they tried various meds until they found a combination that straightened out the chemicals in my head so at least I could function and go to work.

Whenever I can, I get on the phone and call somebody on the program who's having troubles in their own life. It helps me get out of my own problems.

I take extra good care of _me_. Since I am a codie, I am an expert at taking care of people who are in pain, so I'm using those skill to take care of _me_. When I'm tired I take the phone off the hook and I _sleep_. If I'm too sick to go to work I call them up and take the day off. I intentionally give myself extra time to do _anything_, from buying groceries to paying bills, just so I'm not rushed.

I read all the goofy Al-Anon books and their steps and traditions and stuff and I try to make sense of it all.

So far it's working. I'm feeling a million times better than I was just a few months ago when my whole life fell apart. I still have a long way to go. The biggest difference is that today I _know_ that today is going to be just fine, regardless of what happens in my world. Today I _know_ that I will survive and overcome whatever life throws at me. And tomorrow? Not my problem, that's the HP's problem.

You just hang in there today. Just today. Do the things all us depressed codies do and you will feel better. A little bit today, a little more tomorrow, and before you know it, you will have survived and overcome and be feeling a whole lot better

Mike :-)

Kahlia

Grace-I am sorry that you are going through such a difficult time. I think you should get to a Dr. and talk to him about your depresion....there are some wonder meds out there that may help you through this rough spot. It is hard to have so many things going on at once. I would also talk with your supervisor if you are feeling overwhelmed with your job......it is a start. about your ex....if HE were standing right in front of you, would you feel any better?????........I doubt it....as far as the patients dying, I know this is hard as I am a nurse but that is a part of life....dying. YOU never get used to it. NEVER....no matter how old, what happened, disease etc. I hope you get on track and do not let the depression go........Kahlia

equus

This is really good advice. Depression can come from situations, it can also be a chemical inbalance making you feel overwhelmed - either way it's very real and you should address it. Almost two years ago now I started to get depressed, ignored it, carried on, felt more of a failure, got more depressed and eventually burned out. THEN I got help and within a couple of months the old me was back, a little wiser though and with some healthy life changes under my belt!!