sassygal

Is it someone who is trying to get sober on their own? I think that is what my AH is doing. The more we have been talking, the more it sounds as though he is getting help from somewhere without my knowing it - maybe AA, maybe his alcoholic uncle, no telling. I need a full explanation of a dry drunk and all of its pros and cons. Thanks.

loristreily

I believe that a dry drunk is an alcoholic that no longer drinks, for the time being, but feels sorry for himself and feels deprived. Whereas a recovering alcoholic who is sober, is changing his way of thinking, and is working his steps to recovery, which ultimately changes the person to be accepting and even happy about his sobriety...?

CodeMaster

http://www.webhealthcentre.com/general/da_dry.asp
http://alcoholism.about.com/cs/info/a/aa081397.htm

Useful links...

wraybear

the above said it best. I agree... it is someone who is sober, but isn't happy. Maybe still blames others for their problems, because they can't drink and probably isn't working on any kind of self-help program (AA, counseling, church support) to learn how to deal with life without drinking, so they get grumpy. They used to just grab a bottle so they didn't have to deal with life. Now they have to deal with life without a bottle. If they have been medicating themselves for a long long time, then it is possible they have never learned any coping skills at all. It is like having a child around.

FriendofBill

Specifically, it is someone who is chemically abstinant, may have or never have worked a spiritual recovery program but no longers does.

They are ""White Nucklers", not drinking by sheer will. As a result of the absence of a spiritual program, they behave identical to the active addict/alcoholic:

Peristent anger
Chronic resentment
Blame others
Live in Fear
Irresponsible
Indifferent
Combative
Judgemental
Arrogant
and, last but not least.........

totally SELF-CENTERED!

Sadly, this A in my life is a dry-drunk. He loves to hang on to "BUt I havnt touch a drop of alcohol in 5 years!..He left AA almost 2 years ago. Life is totally unmanageable for him, but he's blind to it.

Beautiful

To add to FoB:

It's a disease of attitudes. The "drunk" part can be substituted with whatever that person uses to fuel the above listed attitudes. A "dry" drunk still subscribes to the attitudes but doesn't use a chemical to attain it.

I think that's the hardest type to live with because it took me 7 years to *understand* that was the problem and not the plethora of other "reasons" that he said it was. After all, he didn't drink.

sassygal

Thanks for all the responses. I now know my AH is a dry drunk. He knows he has a problem with drinking, thinks he can stop drinking on his own (because he did in the past, but began again), has all the anger and rage (and that is what he is trying to deal with now), and now stating we need to separate so he can deal with some his problems and wanting me to deal with my own. A lot of what he is saying lately sounds like he is getting help from somewhere (maybe his alcoholic uncle who has been sober for several years with the help of AA), but it is still so scary for me to let go and take control of my own life. I have been going to Alanon, reading and posting which seem to be helping, but this has been the hardest thing for me to deal with in all of my life and I am 44 years-old. Codemaster, thanks for listing those 2 sites, they really hold a lot of information.

Sophia57

You just described my husband word for word. It really shook me. Yet he has been going to AA for 13 years and does not see he has a problem - that makes life very difficult on a daily basis.
I wish I had a magic wand to wave to convince him he needs help other than AA to deal with his issues, but he flatly denies it. He works the program perfectly and has no problems - it's other people who are the problem.
It's exhausting. All I can do is go to Alanon myself and work on my defects that enable him.
((Sassygal)) - wish you all the best. I know how hard it is to live with anger and rage. You don't deserve it.
Sophia

CodeMaster

My ex went through 24/7 of REHAB, CDRP, AA for 4 months, it suprised me when she never heard of dry drunks syndrome, what exactly do they teach these people in there... Only thing I thought it would be useful to know is because it'd help them be more aware of their potentially even more harmful nature POST sobriety and they are not "fixed" in just 3 months after 10 years of alcohol and pill abuse.

Being humble is important, else you just go around causing disaster to everything you touch.

Carrie A2

So what do you do when they are a dry drunk? How do we help them? Can we help them? Will they remain this way forever? Wife of one maybe?

FriendofBill

How to help an alcoholic, dry or active?

The answer is ALWAYS the same. Get help for Y-O-U!

That, and only that, is the way to help them.

For me, its Al-anon. Thats where I met God,,,he is my protection from alcoholism.

doorknob

Just curious, do you see 12 Step programs as the only way to deal with these issues? I've seen secular programs help people get sober and grow in sobriety as well.

Doorknob

CodeMaster

AA good for stop drinking, thats it.
Rest of lifes problems isnt AA's problem, AA keeps them alive, the rest of the growing is from maturity from time and hopefully help from friends and hopefull a therapist.

AA just focuses on keeping them off the bottle, rest is up to the individual to learn on their own, life after the bottle still needs help.

doorknob

I do LifeRing Secular Recovery online and AA in my community. Most AA's I know say that AA is more about learning how to live than about not drinking. Not drinking is just the beginning. I do agree that a therapist can be benificial as well. Many A's have pre-existing mental health problems that need to be dealt with once the alcohol abuse has ceased.

Dooknob

CodeMaster

I think I read recently in one of AA's books that its purpose is dedicated to only stop drinking... I could be wrong, anyone know?

Therapist couldnt hurt anyways.

doorknob

The primary purpose is to help each other recover from alcohol, meaning that they don't want to get into discussions about other drugs, overeating, sex addiction, mental health issues, etc., although from my own experience these things do find their way into discussions at many meetings. Personally, I find that anything affecting my sobriety and quality of live is relevant. In alot of places support groups for those other issues don't exist, as alternative sobriety support groups (like the one I mentioned) often don't exist either, although things are changing. LifeRing is huge in the SF Bay Area. Hope you folks don't mind my hanging out here a bit. Was looking for ways to help the gf, and maybe I can be helpful as well, being from the other side.

Doorknob

minnie

Welcome downstairs, doorknob!

I have tremendous faith in AA, however, I can see that other methods of recovery would work just as well. I believe alcoholism to be primarily an emotional sickness, so anything that heals the emotional wounds, be it therapy, LifeRing, church etc, can serve the same purpose.

I am not an A, but I too had emotional problems that led me to be involved with an alcoholic. I have many tools in my tool box including al-anon, counselling, reading and of course, SR.

I am not bothered HOW people get healthy, only if they are willing to be on that path.

Good luck everyone.

Minnie
xxx