somebody tell me I am ok by myself...

Old 09-16-2002, 02:16 PM
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somebody tell me I am ok by myself...

Ok, I need some reigns to pull me back here.....

I am feeling that down and out feeling of being alone, I am getting caught up in the I feel guilties and the what ifs.

I think I want someone to love so bad, or I want someone to love me the way I deserve to be loved.

I thought I was through getting the crazies....
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Old 09-16-2002, 02:42 PM
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It is what it is!!!
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Bonbon -

What you are feeling is totaly normal. You (we) all need to love ourselves first before we can even begin to have anyone else love us.

You have been on a major rollercoaster ride for a while now and last weekend your car went off the track. You have to feel what you are feeling. You know how you deserve to be treated and you should not settle for anything less. The feelings of lonliness are normal.

I wish I had some wise words to make you feel better but I don't. All I can say (((bon bon))) is here is a hug for you. You have to walk through this.

A great person posted to me the other day this saying and I want to pass it on to you -

Courage is fear that has said it's prayers!!
Pray for courage to walk through the pain that you feel. Pray for serenity!
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Old 09-16-2002, 03:24 PM
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Hi Bonbon!

A number of years ago, I was having one of those late nite conversations in the parking lot with a male friend (too young for me) after work. You know the kind. He was unhappy and telling me all about his blues over not having had a girlfriend for, I think, about a year. At the time, I had not dated anyone for around five years and told him so, just to give him some perspective. "But" he said "you belong to all of us. You belong to the universe. No one person deserves you." Well, I cannot tell you how flattering that was, if a little misguided. But, you could think of it that way. Right now, you belong to the universe, and someone is out there earning enough character points to deserve you. He's refining himself, and HP will make sure you paths cross when he is ready. Come to think of it, I could use this idea myself. Thanks, Bonbon!

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Old 09-16-2002, 07:31 PM
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Hi Bon..............
We are in about the same I will go get the frying pan and give you a whack so you can think of all of those"crazeeeeeeeee" things that put you where you are today. Just remmeber those bad times, the times when you would have given anything to be where you are right now. I know this hard....I feel it too, but when he gets on my case like to day on the phone...I KNOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW I am doing the right thing. Stay strong!!!
Love Kitty
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Old 09-16-2002, 07:45 PM
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Being on our own is like learning how to swim. The water is really scarey at first. Pretty soon you'll be jumping off the high dive. It's going to take time. You had your other friend before who is no longer in the picture. He was support for you. You are just now trying to do this totally solo.

You're going to be fine. Don't let your fear tell you otherwise. I can tell you have what it takes.

Old 09-16-2002, 08:01 PM
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I had a friend tell me onces that the only reason I missed my A and was lonely is because I wasn't doing anything fun for myself. Part of that may have been true, not making enough time for just me. But it really got me thinking. And I was down for a while, and lonely too. And THAT's OK! Its really hard when you love someone and have that euphoric memory kicking where you forget the bad stuff that happened. What I'm trying to rattle on about is just enjoy the now, but keep a level head. From your other posts you really sound like you are doing great, making good solid decisions for yourself.

And smoke - I may have jumped that younger guy. Probabaly hearing such a wonderful comment however it was intended would have made me putty in his hands after a 5 yr dry spell!!!
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Old 09-17-2002, 04:08 AM
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I needed to give you a hug!! That done, can I tell you that you are a special wonderful person and the right guy will come along for you. Its natural to feel lonely and just want to be loved but you do deverse to be loved by the right person, one you is going to treat you right and show you respect!!

You hang in there!! Remember we all love you here.

Many hugs.
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Old 09-17-2002, 05:10 AM
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This is not what you want to hear but I would LOVE to be by myself. Of course I am older...but the thought of not having anyone getting toothpaste on my mirror, sandwhich crumbs on my floor or drinking out of the milk container sounds like a dream to me. Eating what and when I want...talking to my girlfriends on the phone without a lurker...oh and did I mention the bathroom??

I was alone between marrages and I was out looking...felt alone...but now I look back on that time and wonder why I was in such a rush. It was some of the most fun I have had in my life!

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Old 09-17-2002, 09:53 AM
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Right now, you belong to the universe, and someone is out there earning enough character points to deserve you. He's refining himself, and HP will make sure you paths cross when he is ready. (Quote from Smoke gets in my eyes)

I think Smoke has it exactly right. This concept makes the waiting easier. Not easy, just easier. But will you rrecognize him when he crosses yur path? Or will you miss an oportunity because your hanging on to things that are not good for you. If he's refining himself and making himself deserving of you, shouldn't you do the same for him?

Last edited by Ninerfan; 09-17-2002 at 09:55 AM.
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Old 09-17-2002, 10:40 AM
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Smoke and JT have it right. Don't get so lonely that you settle for someone who is not worthy of a great person like you. Do things that interest you and you will meet someone who shares your likes and dislikes. For now I hug my kids and dog (okay I know it's not the same as some big studly guy) and know I am going to meet mister right when I am ready. Right now I am going through the clod stage (only seem to attract idiots) and I am not going to settle again. Just know we are here!
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Old 09-17-2002, 07:05 PM
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Hi Bonbon

Patience is a virtue that I missed out on...but I learned that with patience and time, life gets bettter. Having a bad relationship just won't fill the gap.

Take your time and in the meantime do wonderful things for yourself. Renew acquaintances with old friends who you haven't seen for a while, make some new friends, learn to love life all by yourself.

My marriage is fine, my husband is working 3000 miles away, and as much as I miss him, I have learned to do things that I like to do. I am not lonely, even when I am alone. I read a lot, work in my garden, go to dinner or a movie with friends, and volunteer a little here and there.

Life is what you make of it, and life is for living. No one person holds the key to your happiness. You hold that key and all you have to do is put it in the lock and open the door to possibilities.

Open the door,'re worth the admission fee.
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Old 09-17-2002, 07:48 PM
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((((((((((((( Bonbon )))))))))))))
It sounds like you needed a hug!!!!!!!!!!!!! I get really lonely too. Loneliness makes us think all kinds of crazy thoughts like the what if's and we tend to think of all the great times and the bad times seem so distant.

The A's really know how, what, and when to say just the right thing to make ourselves start doubting ourselves again and ignore our gut instincts and feelings.

Hang in there!!! We are all here for you. You can still call me anytime. Do you still have my number? I've missed all of you so much. Very little time to get on the Internet. My thoughts and prayers are always with you and everyone on this forum.

Take Care,
Love Ya,
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Old 09-17-2002, 07:54 PM
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I have gone thru those times when I felt really alone, and then I have been able to have times where I cherished my solitude. When I get lonely I reach out to other friends in recovery, and spend more time reading some of the Al Anon literature. Its not much but every little bit helps....

I agree with the others that your HP is preparing someone special for you right now! And that person will come along when you are happy, healthy and whole enough to deal with the relationship. It has worked that way for me, and it happened when I least expected it!

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Old 09-18-2002, 07:12 AM
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I feel alot better.. you all make such perfect sense. Work has been keeping me really busy so I haven't had much time to think about the crazies I had the first part of the week.

I know I have come along way, I know HP has something good in store for me.

You all mean so much!

Love you!
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