JennyK

My husband DID get the job and will be starting to work on Monday. I have sort of been holding this in my mind as a "date of change". He KNOWS he wants to be sober, yet he is unable to NOT go out with his best friend in the afternoons. He never drinks at night and never drinks without his friend.

So, I think I might have been holding out until he starts working and then see where to go from there.

We did have the "talk". I basically said "I can not control if you drink. I can't stick to a bondary about not being around the children if you have been drinking, although I wish with all of my heart I could. I realize that you think we have "issues" that need to be addressed and I am happy to discuss it with you when you are sober. I REFUSE to be treated in an abusive way. I am better than that. I have not yet figured out what I am going to do if you do it again and know that at that point my message will be very clear. Our relationship is NOT taking that path."

He said "I hear you"

Then we went on as if nothing had happened.

I still need to figure out what I will do if he pulls that again. I think that my first step is to not confront him when he is drunk, that totally sets him off.

God, I hope that this job will curtail his afternoon drunkfests. He will no longer have idle hours.

I so want my family to survive this.

Jenny

splendra

(((JennyK))))

So you put your thoughts out there and he said he heard ya...Maybe now it is time to let go of the out come and trust the process of your own recovery...Prayer going out for you and your family...

JennyK

Letting go...letting go... I CAN do it. Really, I can.

Thank you.

Jenny

queenofthehwy

Jenny,
He probably did hear you and did understand but doesn't want to face it right now.
I agree with Splenda you put it out there now just be still, and see what happens. I know you can do it.

wraybear

great news about the job! hip hip hooray!

regarding the other, if he gets verbally abusive again, you could consider calling the police. You can call the courthouse and find out what will happen if he is verbally abusive and you call the police, that way you will know exactly what to expect.

I NEVER wanted to call the police and I didn't for a very very long time. But with the progressiveness of this disease, I needed to get him out of my house on a couple occasions, and calling the police did the trick.

I still can't believe I ever had to go there, but I did. And it wasn't the end of the earth. Yes, it was an inconvience for me because I had to go to court, but, I do believe it made a statement that i WILL NOT TOLERATE the symptoms of his drinking.

Anyway, so glad to hear about the job! Take care.

BlueMoon

NOT confronting a drunk is usually a good idea.
If you need to confront him, do it when he's stone-cold sober so he remembers it.

As I work on my recovery, I realize that sometimes I just don't have to have my reaction to "The Next Time" planned in advance. The knowledge, the spirituality, the steps, all of it - when the "Next Time" came, somehow I did the right (HEALTHY) thing.

Sometimes that meant I changed the locks.
Sometimes it meant I called the police.

The last time, it meant I said (VERY calmly) - "You need to leave now."

No one was more shocked than I to hear that I'd said that. I hadn't realized that's what was in me.

I'm NOT saying "leave him!"!!!! Not by any means!
It's just the best example I have of how sometimes you don't know what you'll do - but then when the next situation happens, you all of a sudden DO know. (ya know?)

aw man - I'm rambling bad I think -


Take care!
Blue

minnie

Jenny, what you say about the block makes perfect sense to me. I think all of us that feel "stuck" have something similar, although we may not know what it is. For me, it was a timescale pertaining to what I could deal with, rather than what HE was doing. But I didn't know that at the time. My block was also released once I knew that I really had given it my best shot. Until I knew I had run out of chances, I had this urge to keep going. The turmoil that I went through was indescribable, however, the clarity that came when I knew it was over was amazing.

Be gentle on yourself.

Love

Minnie
xxx

Magichappens

Jenny,
You may want to take this time to focus on your recovery. I don't ever know what I will do in any given situation that may or may not happen in the future. Focussing on my recovery gives me guidance and strength to do what I need to when the chips are down. Hugs and support, Magic