sassygal

I am recently separated after 18 years of marriage and feeling so alone. I have been going to Alanon meetings, praying, reading lots of books (Courage to Change, Codependent No More, etc., etc.) and trying to find happiness for myself. It is really hard because it is like I have no direction. I seem to be doing things to make others happy. Last night, I wanted to show my AH that I was going to get on with my life and do things for myself (not that I really wanted to do anything), but I went to play Bingo (just something to occupy time), then went to Barnes & Noble (because they stay open to 11:00) and read. I actually began reading a book about how to mend a broken relationship. It basically stated that separations were not always for the worst - that sometimes they can be for the best. The more I read, the more I seemed to understand that no matter how much I want my AH to come back, I really needed to give him time so that he could work out his own problems and I could become more dependent on my own. He is still struggling with trying to stay sober, trying to have a healthier relationship with our 15 year-old daughter, learning how to take care of himself - but I am starting to see how I need to learn how to take care of myself too. I am going to keep trying and take it one day at a time. Please keep the prayers coming and thanks for letting me share

ggnewme

Good for you! i'm so glad you 1) took yourself on a date and 2) had some fun 3) found some more literature to help you be at peace with your situation. Very positive night for you!

I'm separated too from ABF, who is in his early stages of recovery, and it's taken me weeks to make peace with the decision to leave him to it.

Yesterday I ordered "Getting Them Sober" volume 4, which appears to be about separation from your A. I've heard lots of recommendations for the original, so I'm excited to recieve it and hopefully recieve additional assurance.

loristreily

God is always with you during these times, seek him out and always remember "This too shall pass" Please ladies remember you cannot make anyone else be happy, The only person you can work on is yourself, make yourself happy, and that happiness will spill over onto others. This time is the time for him to work on himself and for you to realize that he is not your source of happiness. You are. I have you in my prayers. keep praising yourselves.

splendra

(((((sassygal))))

It sounds like you are on the way to helping yourself. Keep up the good work!!!

KATIE77

I am having a tough time too at the moment, I had a lovely email off a friend this morning which said - "turn and move forward with your face to the sun". After reading it a few times I thought it was a lovely notion. Good luck.

cwohio

sassy - you are doing the right things for yourself even tho it doesn't feel like it yet. keep it up!!! prayers to you and your daughter!

hugs - chris