In limbo
 

About two weeks ago, I told my AB of 4 years that I was leaving him and was (obviously) taking our seven month old daughter with me. I have been fighting his alcoholism for too long, and just don't have the desire to deal with it any longer. I refuse to put my daughter through what I have been through. I don't have to tell any of you the kind of hell I live in each day. It was decided that I would leave in the begining of June. The wait being I had to sort out details like finances and registering for school, and finding a place to go. It turns out that I will be able to spend a couple of months with my parents until I can get on my feet.
In the meantime, we are still living together and for the most part are acting like business as usual. Today he had a doctors appointment about a blood test he had taken three weeks ago.( A little background here...My A was also addicted to Perc's and his Dr. has been trying to wean him off by prescribing some type of morphine. Makes no sense to me, but that's what was happening. Anyways, he was on this weaning off " program " for about two months up till now)The day my AB took the blood test he had taken perc's that morning. So he knew the Dr was going to give him ****. He let me come into the office with him today( a miracle) so I could hear what was happening. It turned out that the doctor told him he was through. That he needed to get real help. The Dr said he wasn't going to help him with his pills anymore because my AB's blood test came back with not only the Perc's in his system, but almost at the legal limit for alcohol. This blood test had been taken at 10 in the morning. My AB had been drinking until the wee hours of that same morning. And yet, he was still almost at the legal limit of intoxication when he came to the appt. The doctor said it was enough. We spent about 45 minutes in the office with the Dr saying my AB had to go into rehab. His liver enzymes were through the roof as well. Anyways, long story short, when we got home my AB told me he would do it. I couldn't believe it, and I still really can't. But he made the call to the rehab center and they were busy and said they would call him back. So now what do I do? I feel that if I stay that I will just end up disappointed again and am just putting off the inevitable. But in the other hand, do I not owe it to him and to myself to see him through this if he does decide to make an effort? I know no one can tell me what to do, but hearing some opinions would really help me out.

The thing I have learned in my recovery is to put yourself first. Figure out what that means for you (and your baby!) in this situation. Going to rehab is no guarantee of sobriety or that your relationship will work. If you put some distance between you and your AB AND he gets sober, what would prevent him from looking you up and working to get you back?

Listen to your heart.
Don't try to figure out *The Best* thing to do. (That ALWAYS messes me up!)

Where do *YOU* need to be with your baby girl Just For Right Now?

Leaving now doesn't necessarily mean the relationship is over.

Staying now doesn't necessarily mean the relationship will work.

I know this has got to be a scary + painful place to be in your life. Hold that sweet little girl in your arms and put taking care of her + her Mommy FIRST. The tricky part is that only *you* know what that means.

Take care of YOU!
(lots of hugs!)

Blue

Good advice! let him get his life together on his own and in his own way. once he is on the right track and he can prove himself, then let him back into you and your daughters life...Remember this too shall pass. God be with you(He always is)

canada1,

What purpose will staying serve? You have made your decision and it sounds like you have both made peace with it. It sounds like you are finished. Maybe not finished with him forever but finished with the dance of addiction. He is your daughters father. He is going to be in your life probably for the rest of it. I think you can safely continue your plan and see what happens. No decision is carved in stone. Turn him over and see what life brings.

Have you attended Al Anon? You can turn him over without physically leaving.

((hugs))
JT

Hey Canada1,personally for me i use that ole rule of thumb.Which is when in doubt...don't...Works for me.Especailly when making decisions,im emotional about.I wait until im more clear.Have you thought about recovery in the al-anon,program?I can't say enough great things about this program.In this program i was helped to see MY part in all the messes.Alcoholism,is a family disease.
all the best of the best...

Thanks for the input, all. You basically just affirmed what I was thinking. I just wanted to make sure that I was being selfish and turning my back on him. I still love the person, I just can't handle the alcoholism anymore. I guess I will just try and support him from a distance now. Thanks!