Foot in mouth disease- help needed

Old 04-20-2005, 04:40 AM
  # 1 (permalink)  
sdp
Member
Thread Starter
 
sdp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
Foot in mouth disease- help needed

Maybe you all can help me out of a dilemna I made for myself.

I rent a house from my husband's sister. In the back, attached to a garage, is a little apartment. The previous tenant, a long time friend of my H's family, recently moved out. I don't know what SIL's plans are for it. However, I do know I want someone there that I know and trust. Not my decision tho.

Last night a work, a cowoker was looking pretty haggard. She is a nice girl, if a little flaky. She has a daughter with her boyfriend. She has also had a lot of problems with boyfriend- he recently took off on her , etc. They had to move out of their apartment a while back and are living with a friend of his and friend's mother.

Anyway, co worker says her boyfriend was yelling at her all night. being a real jerk, etc etc. She needs to get out of there, etc etc. So I open my big mouth and say the apartment behind us is empty. She starts crying, wants to move in etc. All I say is I have to call SIL to even see how much she wants for it.

I do like this girl, but she is very emotionally needy. On the one hand, if I could be sure it was just her and her daughter, it would be ok for her to live there, although she would probably drive me crazy. On the other, her boyfriend would probably weasel his way in with her.

I did not call SIL last night. What I was thinking of doing is this- calling SIL house today and leaving a message about this. Then telling co worker tonight that I have not talked to SIL(which would be TRUE) .. Then letting sIL decide what she wants to do. It is her house anyway.

Must be the codie in me- I want to be nice, but no good deed goes unpunished.

Sigh. Anyone have an idea how I can rectify things without hurting this poor girls feelings, and not pissing SIL,and my hub, off?
sdp is offline  
Old 04-20-2005, 04:54 AM
  # 2 (permalink)  
the girl can't help it
 
splendra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
I like your plan. You could maybe even give your Sil the heads up on this girl and tell her you think her b/f may be a problem.

There is a good chance your Sil already has someone in mind for the apt. Surely the apt behind your house is not the only one in town for rent.

Why don't we say some prayers for your co-worker too that might help more than anything else we could do.
splendra is offline  
Old 04-20-2005, 09:19 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
sdp
Member
Thread Starter
 
sdp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
Thank you for your response Splendra!!!

Bullet dodged!!

I did call SIL today and left a rambling message. She ended up coming into my work, and told me that 1) she is planning to renovate that back place and 2) she DOES have someone in mind (the prior tenant's mother who has had her eye on it for years)
So, I was able to truthfully tell coworker it was not free. I did fell like I kicked a puppy though- she was pretty sad as she had already been making plans!! Also, she was asking me about SIL where she worked, etc. I mentioned X trucking company. CW then asked if I could see if SIL(who she has never met) Could find her a job there!!! AARRGGHH!!

I do feel better though. Need to learn to keep the mouth shut.
sdp is offline  
Old 04-21-2005, 04:55 AM
  # 4 (permalink)  
the girl can't help it
 
splendra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((spd)))

I am sure I suffer from the same condition at times. We live and learn! I am glad you got off the hook though.
splendra is offline  
Old 04-21-2005, 05:08 AM
  # 5 (permalink)  
Member
 
cwohio's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
sdp - that codie thing can kick into gear so fast we don't even know it when it happens til it's too late.

glad things worked out!

maybe keep a roll of duct tape around for emergencies? lol
cwohio is offline  
Old 04-21-2005, 06:21 AM
  # 6 (permalink)  
sdp
Member
Thread Starter
 
sdp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
That's probably a good idea!
The thing was- it was kind of a casual mention, and she just latched onto it, like it was really going to happen and she could NOT wait. Last night, when I first saw her she was so happy!!! She was there!! Even though I warned her it was SIL's decision, not mine. And if I could be SURE it would just be her and her baby, I wouldn't mind it. But the BF.. He would weasel his way in and I don;t trust him. I think he does drugs(I know he at least smokes pot) and does not work, plays mind games with her,etc.(when she was crying the other night, she said he kept her up , yelling at her as she would not give him $20,calling THEIR daughter "her" daughter,) In fact, he reminds me of many of the SOs mentioned on these boards, and I don't want him so close to my home and my children.
sdp is offline  
Old 04-21-2005, 06:36 AM
  # 7 (permalink)  
the girl can't help it
 
splendra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
Maybe you could tell her about this website? It sounds like she might need some support...I know you want to keep your foot out of your mouth though... I mean who but, an addict would be up trying to get $20.00 ??????
splendra is offline  
Old 04-21-2005, 07:17 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
sdp
Member
Thread Starter
 
sdp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
I don't think she has a computer, so that would be useless.

I was going to suggest Nar anon, which is why I asked if he did drugs, but all she would say was pot. This was a while ago too.
sdp is offline  
Old 04-21-2005, 07:35 AM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
JessicaNAJ's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
Just to warn you --- I have done this same thing a few times and I've always got burned. and Eventually I became the one who was dealing with their problem.

(let my step-sister move in with her kids - big mistake, so when my brother moved out from next door, I helped her moving in over there....bigger mistake / let my AH's nephew move in with us - he stole AH's truck and totalled it / oh yes, there's more instances too - huge CoDe here)

It seems if I try to help someone out, I allow their problem to become mine. I would give her the number and tell her to call. Don't do the work for her.
JessicaNAJ is offline  
Old 04-21-2005, 07:49 AM
  # 10 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 193
Glad your problem solved itself..

I too ran into a similar problem..I opened my big mouth & allowed a long time friend to move into our basement 2 summers ago to "get on his feet".. it was only supposed to be for 3 months & he was supposed to get a full time job in addition to his pt job & save for his own place/car etc..... he ended up with no job, drinking all day & getting in between me & H (like I didn't have enough problems with H being an A!!) It ended very poorly after 8 months. We were friends for 20 years but now we don't even know if he's alive...

I vowed to never allow myself to make someone elses problem my own... I have enough on my plate already... It's one boundary I've seemed to be able to keep... I no longer volunteer my help to those in need - & boy do we Codies seem to attract those in need!!!!
drgnfly30 is offline  
Old 04-21-2005, 11:21 AM
  # 11 (permalink)  
sdp
Member
Thread Starter
 
sdp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
Oh, baby, did I learn that before!! I once put myself in the middle of something. At the time, I thought I was being "nice", but it put me in a bad spot. I have gotten better on that, even though it makes me feel evil and mean!!!!

And actually, it's not really my "fault"- I just happened to mention something , and too much was attached to it. A normal person would have said "oh, can you find something out and let me know" , while she was already making plans to move in the next day!!!!

What I "would" have done was tell her to speak to SIL and let SIL make her own decision. At the time, I didn't even know what plans she had for it,(maybe she really needed to find someone asap) plus, if CW would have problems making the rent, I did not want it to backfire on me.
sdp is offline  
Old 04-21-2005, 02:29 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
May it be
 
chrisea's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: A new day. Today I just see bright colors, in the small world of my dreams.
Posts: 384
maybe this would be an opener to suggest that she think about renting a place that she found on her own. Surely if she was making plans for the place you mentioned, then she might be ready to think about her own plans... or talking to different agencies, that might be able to help her. Does she have access to a computer at a library? This might help also
chrisea is offline  
Old 04-21-2005, 07:14 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
sdp
Member
Thread Starter
 
sdp's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
She wants to

I know she does WANT to find a place of her own, but $ is an issue. BIG issue.
Regarding computer-- I would probably be the one recruited to help her learn how to work it, what to do, when to go, etc etc etc..

She's nice, but, well , the elevator SO does not reach the top floor.
sdp is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:36 AM.