Dynamics of Co-Dependents
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Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Great Britain
Posts: 138
Dynamics of Co-Dependents
1. Out of touch with their own experience: Co-dependents are in a "mood altered" state, leading to neglect of their needs. Co-dependents will often say things such as "I used to do that at one time", etc.
2. Their feelings are discounted: Co-dependents do not know they have the right to feel. They show anger a great deal which protects them from exhibiting other feelings.
3. A great deal of emotional pain.
4. Learned not to ask for help: Co-dependents have overwhelming feelings of being on their own and you should never ask for help because then you really are on your own.
5. Not able to get needs met: Not only are co-dependents not able to get their needs met, they often can't even identify their needs.
6. They mistake feelings: They mistake feelings such as control for security, intensity for intimacy, and obsession for fear.
7. Tolerance: Co-dependents have an extremely high tolerance for inappropriate behavior.
8. Anger: Co-dependents often suffer continual feelings of anger that they feel compelled to suppress.
9. Health: Co-dependents do not recognize, or ignore, the injury to their own physical and mental health. They believe the alcoholic or addicts has the problem.
10. Adjustment and change: Co-dependents adjust constantly to external circumstances but never make any real changes.
11. Co-dependents are compulsive about pretending: They hide the truth, they react constantly to the alcoholic or addict, and usually put up a front that everything is OK.
12. Defensiveness: Co-dependents get very defensive about their feelings.
13. Co-dependencies are infectious: Others that are vulnerable will easily get pulled.
14. Realization: In recovery, a co-dependent will come to understand their own role in the cycle of addiction.
Often, co-dependents have experienced in their own ways the painful trauma of the emptiness of their childhood and relationships throughout their lives. They attempted to use others, their mates, friends and even their children as their sole source of identity, value and well being and, as a way of trying to restore within themselves the emotional losses from their childhood. Their histories may include other powerful addictions which they have used to cope with their co-dependencies. The bottom line here is that those other addictions may possibly be symptoms of a co-dependent personality.
Part of the recovery process is when we can see and acknowledge our behavior.
Boy do I have alot of work to be done on myself.
For me asking for help has been impossible. Thought I do it all on my own. Sort it out without help.
This is where the baby steps start!! One task at a time.
2. Their feelings are discounted: Co-dependents do not know they have the right to feel. They show anger a great deal which protects them from exhibiting other feelings.
3. A great deal of emotional pain.
4. Learned not to ask for help: Co-dependents have overwhelming feelings of being on their own and you should never ask for help because then you really are on your own.
5. Not able to get needs met: Not only are co-dependents not able to get their needs met, they often can't even identify their needs.
6. They mistake feelings: They mistake feelings such as control for security, intensity for intimacy, and obsession for fear.
7. Tolerance: Co-dependents have an extremely high tolerance for inappropriate behavior.
8. Anger: Co-dependents often suffer continual feelings of anger that they feel compelled to suppress.
9. Health: Co-dependents do not recognize, or ignore, the injury to their own physical and mental health. They believe the alcoholic or addicts has the problem.
10. Adjustment and change: Co-dependents adjust constantly to external circumstances but never make any real changes.
11. Co-dependents are compulsive about pretending: They hide the truth, they react constantly to the alcoholic or addict, and usually put up a front that everything is OK.
12. Defensiveness: Co-dependents get very defensive about their feelings.
13. Co-dependencies are infectious: Others that are vulnerable will easily get pulled.
14. Realization: In recovery, a co-dependent will come to understand their own role in the cycle of addiction.
Often, co-dependents have experienced in their own ways the painful trauma of the emptiness of their childhood and relationships throughout their lives. They attempted to use others, their mates, friends and even their children as their sole source of identity, value and well being and, as a way of trying to restore within themselves the emotional losses from their childhood. Their histories may include other powerful addictions which they have used to cope with their co-dependencies. The bottom line here is that those other addictions may possibly be symptoms of a co-dependent personality.
Part of the recovery process is when we can see and acknowledge our behavior.
Boy do I have alot of work to be done on myself.
For me asking for help has been impossible. Thought I do it all on my own. Sort it out without help.
This is where the baby steps start!! One task at a time.
To Life!
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Rhode Island
Posts: 9,293
Bluester;
Thanks for sharing this.
I hope you don't mind; I'd like to copy this and paste it on the naranon board.
I've been dealing with addiction for many years now. I still find new things to help me learn to live my own life and get out of their addiction. To identify my own feelings. To stand on my own two feet.
Thanks again!
Shalom!
Thanks for sharing this.
I hope you don't mind; I'd like to copy this and paste it on the naranon board.
I've been dealing with addiction for many years now. I still find new things to help me learn to live my own life and get out of their addiction. To identify my own feelings. To stand on my own two feet.
Thanks again!
Shalom!
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Boy, did this one hit home for me this weekend. I used to shake my head and say, "nope, that's not me". Now, I'm nodding my head and saying, damn, that's co-dependency too???? I am still amazed at the stuff I learn and co-dependency has been on my mind a lot with my 2 recovering guys.
An awesome post. Thanks ever so much.
An awesome post. Thanks ever so much.
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