The closing of my book on dealing with an addict (long)
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Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
The closing of my book on dealing with an addict (long)
So today as I still talk to my ex, I find more and more as I talk to her all the things more experienced people dealing with the A's are saying come true more and more. I understand what this feeling is like since I've myself been in a program very similar to AA during my weakest point in my life, the ICoC International Church of Christ. Someone came in one time when I was a member and said we are very similar to AA, at the time I took it as an insult, but now I realize that person has experience in AA obviously.
The ICoC is branded as a cult from all fronts, and literally, almost, maybe every major University has banned them from their campuses, including USF, Berkeley, you go on and list any well known schools or give them a call to see if this is true. The cults will say they are not cults, but the ones outside will say they are not stupid. I've experienced both sides, I'm out of the cult. Just google their initials and you can find plenty of info on them.
Anyhow, when I was in that group, I'd take what my "sponsor" (which is called "discipler" in ICOC) advice blindly, willing and prepared to leave anyone that stands in my path to seeking God. Including my family which I've seen people in AA anad ICOC both do. What made me act insane like that after looking back 5 years ago?
A few reasons, which my ex seems to be at maturity wise:
1. Low Self Esteem (thus too easily influenced)
2. I was lonely, I just got to SF with no friends.
3. Lack of identity, I felt like I was finding my identity, I've done nothing in the real world yet and I felt very insecure of who I was.
4. Just broke up with a GF at the time, was extra sad and lonely by this.
5. Lack of confidence, if you dont know yourself, you wont have confidence generally speaking
6. Guilt and self pity, I used to always look down on myself no matter how well I was doing in anything.
Everything is very similar in AA as ICOC. Its the same program except one gives you God and one gives you sobriety. The whole meetings every single day, events, helping others, becoming discplers / sponsors, leading groups, reading the "book" outloud, I cannot emphasize how its all the same. Cutting off love ones around you, all so common. Entire marriages fell apart, all for the name of God or Sobriety in this case. ICOC says if your not with the church, your not a true Christian. AA says if your not with AA, your not truly sober but a dry drunk. yada yada yad, you can go on with all the similar bullshits and if your aware enough, you'll see how they lead you to try to be dependant on the group for life. Its a codependancy program to make you dependant based on fear and guilt on the program, both ICOC and AA use the very same tested and proven techniques to keep people.
So I know how I was when I was in ICOC. I was so ready to leave my family. I think my mind mustve been insane. The same way I see a lot of people describe their A's mentality, being its program is the same as ICOC, I know there is nothing I can do to help them see what kind of group they are really joining. They are ready to do anything to impress the group, make friends and become someone special due to their lack of self esteem, they will do anything for this feeling of being important sadly to say. They want sobriety which is the only good part but AA says its there way or no way.
There are other groups out there that purly have interest in helping you become sober, but their goal is not for you to stay to be a TRUE SOBER, but for you to become strong enough, you maybe able to live independantly and function without dependancy.
So my point is, there isnt any hope to get them back in the mindstate their in. Even worst, I just learned that their mental development really stopped when they were fully an addict and abusing. So my ex started when she was 16, and now she is 26, her actions do seem careless like a 16 year old and she wont know who she really is for a long time. I wouldnt want to date a 16 year old because they are too unstable in really knowing what they want from a partner or for themselves.
But even better, after a little time of seeing their changed and "true self", you realize more and more what your dealing with when you've had some distance to really just think and see things a little more clearly without the drama.
I've realized I'm chasing after someone who I really find quite disgusting... post recovery, if this is their true self, as Cynay said, "yuck". My feelings have quickly changed from sadness and heart broken to disgust. It makes me throw up when I think that this is the real person.
I feel lucky this time, I will take the advise of the hundred I mustve asked from to run away and protect myself.
This advice was given to me when I saw her crashing on E, and asked MANY people what I should do. It was maybe the second or third time I visited her. This possible turning point was missed, as I decided to stay and I didnt know about how serious addicts really are with problems to drugs and inner issues. The advice from many was not to walk, but run. I didnt take it at the time, I thought, ahhh... she'll get over it, people try things all the time. I've learned a great deal of self awareness from this mistake, but I've been burned the whole time too from an addicts unusually high abuse.
The advice people are still giving me with an even greater intensity is the same, this time, I dont planning on sticking around and I'll trust others experiences I found from all kinds of sources from documentations to web to real live meetings of what tends to happen with an ex like mine post soberiety. I havent heard of a good story for my case, which sounds like possibly one of the most common.
This is the ending to my story, I'm left with disgust as I talked to my ex, I see way too much insanity. For the first time, I did not want her to call me anymore. When I saw her, I did not see the beautiful person physically or emotionally anymore. I saw the result of the sin of deep selfishness changing the very face to be darker.
EDIT: My father gave me the most insightful wisdom, he said when he heard of this news, he did not think it was bad news but great news. He said he has always worried for me since he knew she was an A, but he didnt want to influence my will to be with her. He had a very critical point, he said this disease is genetics, so imagine having kids with her, you would suffer a life time of hardship since the genes will pass on. He also said look at her family background, they come from divorces. This itself is a type of "disease", a habit passed from generation onwards.
He said I should not feel guilt because it is an opportunity that she left you, I did not leave a person just because they were sick, he said if I did, my heart would be filled with guilt and a bad feeling, but she left me. Take advantage of this opportunity to change your life, with my status of good looks and what I have to offer anyone with me from health, good family background to financial strengths, there will be a line of girls waiting for you. He suggested I go to LA to meet some (which I plan to do) or come with him to China and he could literally have a line of girls waiting for me to choose from as they are looking for a man just like myself. He meant that sincerely and he said he feels there truly is a god watching over me!
I know this was meant to be this way by destiny for me to learn or see whatever it is destiny is training me for, and all of us, to find our very purpose on this Earth. So this is the closing of my story I believe, the closing of my book for my experience with an addict. I look forward to what life may bring my way and am optimistic to a brighter much more beautiful and free future.
Thank you for this forum and the many kind people I've met, I'd have to say its probably one of the most useful resources on the web. I'll still be around and focusing on starting a new life, but I thought I'd share my ending with an A. What an experience!!!
Cheers all
The ICoC is branded as a cult from all fronts, and literally, almost, maybe every major University has banned them from their campuses, including USF, Berkeley, you go on and list any well known schools or give them a call to see if this is true. The cults will say they are not cults, but the ones outside will say they are not stupid. I've experienced both sides, I'm out of the cult. Just google their initials and you can find plenty of info on them.
Anyhow, when I was in that group, I'd take what my "sponsor" (which is called "discipler" in ICOC) advice blindly, willing and prepared to leave anyone that stands in my path to seeking God. Including my family which I've seen people in AA anad ICOC both do. What made me act insane like that after looking back 5 years ago?
A few reasons, which my ex seems to be at maturity wise:
1. Low Self Esteem (thus too easily influenced)
2. I was lonely, I just got to SF with no friends.
3. Lack of identity, I felt like I was finding my identity, I've done nothing in the real world yet and I felt very insecure of who I was.
4. Just broke up with a GF at the time, was extra sad and lonely by this.
5. Lack of confidence, if you dont know yourself, you wont have confidence generally speaking
6. Guilt and self pity, I used to always look down on myself no matter how well I was doing in anything.
Everything is very similar in AA as ICOC. Its the same program except one gives you God and one gives you sobriety. The whole meetings every single day, events, helping others, becoming discplers / sponsors, leading groups, reading the "book" outloud, I cannot emphasize how its all the same. Cutting off love ones around you, all so common. Entire marriages fell apart, all for the name of God or Sobriety in this case. ICOC says if your not with the church, your not a true Christian. AA says if your not with AA, your not truly sober but a dry drunk. yada yada yad, you can go on with all the similar bullshits and if your aware enough, you'll see how they lead you to try to be dependant on the group for life. Its a codependancy program to make you dependant based on fear and guilt on the program, both ICOC and AA use the very same tested and proven techniques to keep people.
So I know how I was when I was in ICOC. I was so ready to leave my family. I think my mind mustve been insane. The same way I see a lot of people describe their A's mentality, being its program is the same as ICOC, I know there is nothing I can do to help them see what kind of group they are really joining. They are ready to do anything to impress the group, make friends and become someone special due to their lack of self esteem, they will do anything for this feeling of being important sadly to say. They want sobriety which is the only good part but AA says its there way or no way.
There are other groups out there that purly have interest in helping you become sober, but their goal is not for you to stay to be a TRUE SOBER, but for you to become strong enough, you maybe able to live independantly and function without dependancy.
So my point is, there isnt any hope to get them back in the mindstate their in. Even worst, I just learned that their mental development really stopped when they were fully an addict and abusing. So my ex started when she was 16, and now she is 26, her actions do seem careless like a 16 year old and she wont know who she really is for a long time. I wouldnt want to date a 16 year old because they are too unstable in really knowing what they want from a partner or for themselves.
But even better, after a little time of seeing their changed and "true self", you realize more and more what your dealing with when you've had some distance to really just think and see things a little more clearly without the drama.
I've realized I'm chasing after someone who I really find quite disgusting... post recovery, if this is their true self, as Cynay said, "yuck". My feelings have quickly changed from sadness and heart broken to disgust. It makes me throw up when I think that this is the real person.
I feel lucky this time, I will take the advise of the hundred I mustve asked from to run away and protect myself.
This advice was given to me when I saw her crashing on E, and asked MANY people what I should do. It was maybe the second or third time I visited her. This possible turning point was missed, as I decided to stay and I didnt know about how serious addicts really are with problems to drugs and inner issues. The advice from many was not to walk, but run. I didnt take it at the time, I thought, ahhh... she'll get over it, people try things all the time. I've learned a great deal of self awareness from this mistake, but I've been burned the whole time too from an addicts unusually high abuse.
The advice people are still giving me with an even greater intensity is the same, this time, I dont planning on sticking around and I'll trust others experiences I found from all kinds of sources from documentations to web to real live meetings of what tends to happen with an ex like mine post soberiety. I havent heard of a good story for my case, which sounds like possibly one of the most common.
This is the ending to my story, I'm left with disgust as I talked to my ex, I see way too much insanity. For the first time, I did not want her to call me anymore. When I saw her, I did not see the beautiful person physically or emotionally anymore. I saw the result of the sin of deep selfishness changing the very face to be darker.
EDIT: My father gave me the most insightful wisdom, he said when he heard of this news, he did not think it was bad news but great news. He said he has always worried for me since he knew she was an A, but he didnt want to influence my will to be with her. He had a very critical point, he said this disease is genetics, so imagine having kids with her, you would suffer a life time of hardship since the genes will pass on. He also said look at her family background, they come from divorces. This itself is a type of "disease", a habit passed from generation onwards.
He said I should not feel guilt because it is an opportunity that she left you, I did not leave a person just because they were sick, he said if I did, my heart would be filled with guilt and a bad feeling, but she left me. Take advantage of this opportunity to change your life, with my status of good looks and what I have to offer anyone with me from health, good family background to financial strengths, there will be a line of girls waiting for you. He suggested I go to LA to meet some (which I plan to do) or come with him to China and he could literally have a line of girls waiting for me to choose from as they are looking for a man just like myself. He meant that sincerely and he said he feels there truly is a god watching over me!
I know this was meant to be this way by destiny for me to learn or see whatever it is destiny is training me for, and all of us, to find our very purpose on this Earth. So this is the closing of my story I believe, the closing of my book for my experience with an addict. I look forward to what life may bring my way and am optimistic to a brighter much more beautiful and free future.
Thank you for this forum and the many kind people I've met, I'd have to say its probably one of the most useful resources on the web. I'll still be around and focusing on starting a new life, but I thought I'd share my ending with an A. What an experience!!!
Cheers all
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: over yonder
Posts: 1,548
Please take time to read the AA big book some day. Shd be able to check it out from the lib.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. One is not required to believe in God. One gentleman said, "Judge Anderson is my higher power" A lot of those. Court ordered.
Our book is suggestions only.
Course we are all human, so we all understand differently. Do differently.
If you have no written contact, no voice contact, don't see this person even at a distance it will take less time to get over this. Cold Turkey will bring peace sooner.
You are young and will love again very soon.
Wasn't the Luthern church and a lot of others called cults in the beginning , because they broke away, and were diff. I hate the word cult. If you think about it lady's aid, or VFW or lots of things could be called a cult. but why call names, and cult is not bad, people just think it is bad. It is said to sound evil and wrong. AA is not evil, or it wld not be around for 60 years. I would suspect all support groups have started because of AA.
In your church group were the leaders recoverying A's???
Only another A or Addict can understand. They have "Been there, done that"
Best to you always . You will be fine. clancy46
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. One is not required to believe in God. One gentleman said, "Judge Anderson is my higher power" A lot of those. Court ordered.
Our book is suggestions only.
Course we are all human, so we all understand differently. Do differently.
If you have no written contact, no voice contact, don't see this person even at a distance it will take less time to get over this. Cold Turkey will bring peace sooner.
You are young and will love again very soon.
Wasn't the Luthern church and a lot of others called cults in the beginning , because they broke away, and were diff. I hate the word cult. If you think about it lady's aid, or VFW or lots of things could be called a cult. but why call names, and cult is not bad, people just think it is bad. It is said to sound evil and wrong. AA is not evil, or it wld not be around for 60 years. I would suspect all support groups have started because of AA.
In your church group were the leaders recoverying A's???
Only another A or Addict can understand. They have "Been there, done that"
Best to you always . You will be fine. clancy46
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
Glad you seem to be okay, maybe not happy, but okay with your new found freedom. I hope you can be happy with yourself regardless of whether you have a pretty girl from China or anywhere for that matter. As codies, it seems we depend on others for our happiness, therefore, we are always dissappointed. It's in our nature.
I do want to comment on your thoughts about AA. My AH, who has been sober off and on for the past 8 years, or I for that matter, has not had the kinds of experiences you refer to. We have had many good experiences. I know I mentioned this in one of your other posts. I know there are some people that have had bad experiences, but I truly believe for those that have had a bad, there are 10 or 20 that have had a good experience. Many of the people on this particular site are dealing with active addicts who haven't admitted they have a problem so they haven't any experience with AA. I would like to suggest that maybe you attend an open AA meeting sometime, so you can see for yourself. My AH goes to several different meetings (well, not in the past 5 months as he is on a downward spiral), but prior to this, there are about 4 different places he has been going for several years, and all of them are filled with "good" people. I am sorry you had a bad experience. Please don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch!
take care of yourself! Cheers!
I do want to comment on your thoughts about AA. My AH, who has been sober off and on for the past 8 years, or I for that matter, has not had the kinds of experiences you refer to. We have had many good experiences. I know I mentioned this in one of your other posts. I know there are some people that have had bad experiences, but I truly believe for those that have had a bad, there are 10 or 20 that have had a good experience. Many of the people on this particular site are dealing with active addicts who haven't admitted they have a problem so they haven't any experience with AA. I would like to suggest that maybe you attend an open AA meeting sometime, so you can see for yourself. My AH goes to several different meetings (well, not in the past 5 months as he is on a downward spiral), but prior to this, there are about 4 different places he has been going for several years, and all of them are filled with "good" people. I am sorry you had a bad experience. Please don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch!
take care of yourself! Cheers!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
Originally Posted by wraybear
Glad you seem to be okay, maybe not happy, but okay with your new found freedom. I hope you can be happy with yourself regardless of whether you have a pretty girl from China or anywhere for that matter. As codies, it seems we depend on others for our happiness, therefore, we are always dissappointed. It's in our nature.
I do want to comment on your thoughts about AA. My AH, who has been sober off and on for the past 8 years, or I for that matter, has not had the kinds of experiences you refer to. We have had many good experiences. I know I mentioned this in one of your other posts. I know there are some people that have had bad experiences, but I truly believe for those that have had a bad, there are 10 or 20 that have had a good experience. Many of the people on this particular site are dealing with active addicts who haven't admitted they have a problem so they haven't any experience with AA. I would like to suggest that maybe you attend an open AA meeting sometime, so you can see for yourself. My AH goes to several different meetings (well, not in the past 5 months as he is on a downward spiral), but prior to this, there are about 4 different places he has been going for several years, and all of them are filled with "good" people. I am sorry you had a bad experience. Please don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch!
take care of yourself! Cheers!
I do want to comment on your thoughts about AA. My AH, who has been sober off and on for the past 8 years, or I for that matter, has not had the kinds of experiences you refer to. We have had many good experiences. I know I mentioned this in one of your other posts. I know there are some people that have had bad experiences, but I truly believe for those that have had a bad, there are 10 or 20 that have had a good experience. Many of the people on this particular site are dealing with active addicts who haven't admitted they have a problem so they haven't any experience with AA. I would like to suggest that maybe you attend an open AA meeting sometime, so you can see for yourself. My AH goes to several different meetings (well, not in the past 5 months as he is on a downward spiral), but prior to this, there are about 4 different places he has been going for several years, and all of them are filled with "good" people. I am sorry you had a bad experience. Please don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch!
take care of yourself! Cheers!
Well of course due to such recent bad event to report (about a week since the seperation along with months of taking care of everything outside for her alone), I have not found much happiness yet. But being free and relieved is a great start, as my hearts pain I felt every morning to long to be back with her is fading or maybe gone? Last night I went out with some new found friends, and I havent had that much fun all year. I found really pretty girls at the club we visited eyeing me and I was reminded of who I really am. Tonight, I'm going out with an old friend in hopes to build up my network of friends again which I did neglect for too long. It is a start, but I feel optimistic to building it back up and seeking happiness within myself first, then finding other loving people.
Thanks for replying... I do appreciate it.
Well, there are others who have reported and agree, take Cynay for example, in her 6 months of researching and stories, she stated she found very very few good stories. I went to AlAnon and 100% of them were very very bad, to point I was getting angry hearing it. I have to strongly disagree with the happy stories you speak of, I'd actually say for one good story, its 20-40 bad ones. Just look around this forum, its all over the place, or craigslist recovery disc forum, read the story http://alcolism.about.com has to report as somewhat typical, they even note they regret not being able to report a happy ending, and do searching on the web or go to alanon. I remember a site that is dedicated to helping addicts talk of a dream story, then say everything is accurate except the ending. The majority view of happy ending as being likly is few.
I've only been researching for a few weeks, where others have much longer periods of research. I dont doubt there are good stories, but you can almost classify each "type" of recovery in sets of stories. In my case, anytime I've heard my story, it always went crashing if you stick around. Your story probably doesnt classify in my story group, if you know what I mean.
And I'm happy it worked out well for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
Originally Posted by Clancy46
Please take time to read the AA big book some day. Shd be able to check it out from the lib.
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. One is not required to believe in God. One gentleman said, "Judge Anderson is my higher power" A lot of those. Court ordered.
Our book is suggestions only.
Course we are all human, so we all understand differently. Do differently.
If you have no written contact, no voice contact, don't see this person even at a distance it will take less time to get over this. Cold Turkey will bring peace sooner.
You are young and will love again very soon.
Wasn't the Luthern church and a lot of others called cults in the beginning , because they broke away, and were diff. I hate the word cult. If you think about it lady's aid, or VFW or lots of things could be called a cult. but why call names, and cult is not bad, people just think it is bad. It is said to sound evil and wrong. AA is not evil, or it wld not be around for 60 years. I would suspect all support groups have started because of AA.
In your church group were the leaders recoverying A's???
Only another A or Addict can understand. They have "Been there, done that"
Best to you always . You will be fine. clancy46
The only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking. One is not required to believe in God. One gentleman said, "Judge Anderson is my higher power" A lot of those. Court ordered.
Our book is suggestions only.
Course we are all human, so we all understand differently. Do differently.
If you have no written contact, no voice contact, don't see this person even at a distance it will take less time to get over this. Cold Turkey will bring peace sooner.
You are young and will love again very soon.
Wasn't the Luthern church and a lot of others called cults in the beginning , because they broke away, and were diff. I hate the word cult. If you think about it lady's aid, or VFW or lots of things could be called a cult. but why call names, and cult is not bad, people just think it is bad. It is said to sound evil and wrong. AA is not evil, or it wld not be around for 60 years. I would suspect all support groups have started because of AA.
In your church group were the leaders recoverying A's???
Only another A or Addict can understand. They have "Been there, done that"
Best to you always . You will be fine. clancy46
Possibly for financial matters, but this is impossible and too deep to be debated, its those things nobody will ever really know.
ICOC has existed for over 20 years, so just because AA's been round for 60, doesnt really mean much to me. It is using a tried and tested method of deceit, your GOAL is for something good, but while we're at it, we're going to put some twists on it. As many reported, they feel there is a lot of brain washing or control of these members lives. Many reports who have seen people sucked in by AA reported the same feeling, its in their senses and their instincts is telling them something. Too many people reported this for it to be a fluke IMO, I've seen real cults mind influencing methods, I see AA using them.
It was the same in ICOC and AA. They are short of locking you in from leaving, they know that'd shut the organization down. So they hit their limits and they get a lot of people like myself complaining about it, but how can you prove to the courts this? AA or ICOC will say they are doing good, not bad, but unless they are officially investigated, you cant do anything legally.
But this is really irrelavant, the part I am discoverying is the people, once sucked in, arent coming back out until they can realize someday a "self".
Thank you for your kind words by the way, they mean a lot to me, even though I've realized my path and accepted it happily, it isnt easy.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
Originally Posted by wraybear
Glad you seem to be okay, maybe not happy, but okay with your new found freedom. I hope you can be happy with yourself regardless of whether you have a pretty girl from China or anywhere for that matter. As codies, it seems we depend on others for our happiness, therefore, we are always dissappointed. It's in our nature.
I do want to comment on your thoughts about AA. My AH, who has been sober off and on for the past 8 years, or I for that matter, has not had the kinds of experiences you refer to. We have had many good experiences. I know I mentioned this in one of your other posts. I know there are some people that have had bad experiences, but I truly believe for those that have had a bad, there are 10 or 20 that have had a good experience. Many of the people on this particular site are dealing with active addicts who haven't admitted they have a problem so they haven't any experience with AA. I would like to suggest that maybe you attend an open AA meeting sometime, so you can see for yourself. My AH goes to several different meetings (well, not in the past 5 months as he is on a downward spiral), but prior to this, there are about 4 different places he has been going for several years, and all of them are filled with "good" people. I am sorry you had a bad experience. Please don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch!
take care of yourself! Cheers!
I do want to comment on your thoughts about AA. My AH, who has been sober off and on for the past 8 years, or I for that matter, has not had the kinds of experiences you refer to. We have had many good experiences. I know I mentioned this in one of your other posts. I know there are some people that have had bad experiences, but I truly believe for those that have had a bad, there are 10 or 20 that have had a good experience. Many of the people on this particular site are dealing with active addicts who haven't admitted they have a problem so they haven't any experience with AA. I would like to suggest that maybe you attend an open AA meeting sometime, so you can see for yourself. My AH goes to several different meetings (well, not in the past 5 months as he is on a downward spiral), but prior to this, there are about 4 different places he has been going for several years, and all of them are filled with "good" people. I am sorry you had a bad experience. Please don't let one bad apple spoil the whole bunch!
take care of yourself! Cheers!
Your right, codies (lol, not used to calling myself that) do depend on others for happiness. They actually talk about this at alcoholism.about.com and it brought me to being more self aware of why I stayed with this girl and what issues I have to work out on my own. I hope to work on my own issues to be an even better person for life... I may visit a few more AA / Al-Anon to really get a full feel of whats going on and if I feel I may benefit from further meetings.
And thank you for your kindness...
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: over the rainbow
Posts: 487
the first time i had a "spiritual awakening" i began my new life by getting "unbrainwashed" from all the crap i grew up with. It was quite freeing. and i learned many great natural truths-which later to my surprise, i found in many different spiritual and religious doctrine. so some of the brainwashing some of us go through is actually way better than the brainwashing we grew up with.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 491
Originally Posted by escape artist
the first time i had a "spiritual awakening" i began my new life by getting "unbrainwashed" from all the crap i grew up with. It was quite freeing. and i learned many great natural truths-which later to my surprise, i found in many different spiritual and religious doctrine. so some of the brainwashing some of us go through is actually way better than the brainwashing we grew up with.
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
Codemaster, thanks for your reply. you said you are happy it worked out well for me. Well, I am fairly happy these days and thankful for that too. But, I wouldn't say things have worked out well for AH. I had to kick him out of our home 5 months ago, he has had an infected hip for over 2 years, he is disabled, he has been drinking and abusing methadone for 5 months and has been taken to the hospital by ambulance 4 times in the past couple months due to drinking too much. So, your "happy it worked out well" kinda took me off guard a little as most of the time I suffer very much for family. My children have been fatherless for 5 months because of this damn disease. I have been husbandless for the good part of the past 3 1/2 years (since an almost tragic car accident) as he has been in la la land. But, I move onward and upward and by the grace of God, I have found happiness today.
My husband's story may not be a successful AA story right now, but he has had much success in the past because of AA. And actually, he is in jail right now, and has a bible and The Big Book (AA book) with him and those two books are all he reads!!! He became a binge drinker, but at least he was sober and "in recovery" most of the five years prior to the accident. I attribute the success he has had to his realationship with God, the AA program and the people he has met through the program. He became very involved and even taught meetings. I have been involved in an Alanon type group at my church for a couple years and there are many success stories there too. I know many of his AA friends and we have done things together as a group. He was involved in about 5 different groups, and every single one of the people, probably well over 50 people, have been kind, supportive, helpful. I hate to keep bringing this up, but I know about many success stories, so again, i hope you will not judge AA as a program because of a few people that met and had affairs in the program. i know people at my church, people at work, and even a couple friends that have had affairs, and none of them had anything to do with AA.
AA has been a life saver for my husband, and in a round about way, for our family. And, i have faith that one day, it will be my husband's way of life again, as without AA, I do believe my family as I know it and want it to be, will no longer exist.
i hope anyone who reads this is not offended. I know some have had problems with AA and some feel their spouses are too wrapped up in AA. I do believe communication is key. Discussing how many meetings a week, what times of day, and compromising can happen. I know how difficult in can be to communicate with an addict. But, once they have sobered up and have a few months under their belt, i believe it is in everyones best interest to discuss these issues. And, eventually maybe families can go to open AA meetings. Where the spouse and their A go together. AHHH YESSS, wedded bliss at last! HA HA HA
My husband's story may not be a successful AA story right now, but he has had much success in the past because of AA. And actually, he is in jail right now, and has a bible and The Big Book (AA book) with him and those two books are all he reads!!! He became a binge drinker, but at least he was sober and "in recovery" most of the five years prior to the accident. I attribute the success he has had to his realationship with God, the AA program and the people he has met through the program. He became very involved and even taught meetings. I have been involved in an Alanon type group at my church for a couple years and there are many success stories there too. I know many of his AA friends and we have done things together as a group. He was involved in about 5 different groups, and every single one of the people, probably well over 50 people, have been kind, supportive, helpful. I hate to keep bringing this up, but I know about many success stories, so again, i hope you will not judge AA as a program because of a few people that met and had affairs in the program. i know people at my church, people at work, and even a couple friends that have had affairs, and none of them had anything to do with AA.
AA has been a life saver for my husband, and in a round about way, for our family. And, i have faith that one day, it will be my husband's way of life again, as without AA, I do believe my family as I know it and want it to be, will no longer exist.
i hope anyone who reads this is not offended. I know some have had problems with AA and some feel their spouses are too wrapped up in AA. I do believe communication is key. Discussing how many meetings a week, what times of day, and compromising can happen. I know how difficult in can be to communicate with an addict. But, once they have sobered up and have a few months under their belt, i believe it is in everyones best interest to discuss these issues. And, eventually maybe families can go to open AA meetings. Where the spouse and their A go together. AHHH YESSS, wedded bliss at last! HA HA HA
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