emily33

I feel like my parents didnt need me when I was home, I didnt feel important, I brought that into my relationships.

I need to find something to do for myself, that is going to keep me busy, but I need to find something for me.

I thoroughly enjoy going to my son's baseball games and practices, I always bring my dog with me and we have fun (that is four days a week right now). But I also feel a sense of loss, because no one else goes, I cant share my pride that I have for my son, with someone else.

Why do I have the need to want to share my good thoughts, and proud moments of myself and my kids with someone? Do I need to share my accomplishments or my kids accomplishments with someone else to feel whole??

I know that I feel good about sharing, but usually get little or no response, it almost like who cares from my H and my family, and it is so quickly blown off, why do I need other poeple to recognize these things, and expect a little more than that's nice?

I will even say out loud, arent you proud of me, or arent you proud of him??? I want someone to say good job, I am proud of you, I need that, I never get that. I have to say it myself to my H, and he half heartedly says Yeaaaaaaaaa

I need more than that.

I think this has something to do with caring about too much about what other people think, and depending on there approval, whether good or bad accomplishments, I have to learn to be satisfied with my feelings of pride or accomplishments, and not thrive on what other people think.

How do I be satisified myself with things that I am proud of, without feeling disappointed because I am not getting recognition I feel I deserve?

Am I making sense???

stilltrying

Emily...you make total sense to me. I feel the same way. I think it goes back to my low self-worth and my codie ways. I am deparately trying to be confident it WHO I AM and recognizing WHAT I NEED FOR MYSELF instead of my self-worth lieing in everybody else's feelings for me. The book CO-DEPENDENT NO MORE has really been helping me to recognize this in myself...if you haven't read it I would strongly suggest it. I also stop several times during my day and think about all of my accomplishments and realize that I AM A GOOD person whether or not I hear that from AH or anyone else. I, too, spend alot of time at my daughters functions and would love to share that pride with someone else....but then I think that sharing it with myself and my daughters is WONDERFUL!! and I'm trying to become fulfilled by just that. Prayers to you for your peace!

cwohio

emily - it also makes sense to me. i get much validation and kudos at work so i think that helps me in some respect. i do get it from my ah (believe it or not) but somehow it doesn't mean as much (because i think i still have resentment issues i need to deal with). we all need strokes but i think we codies need more because of who we are at this moment and the more we heal and "find" ourselves the less external strokes we will require to make us feel good.

i definitely think you need to find something that is strictly for YOU. I have been thinkning the exact same thing - i just need to figure out what "it" is!

hugs - chris