Aquiana

Hmmm... I'm having a hard time this week trying to figure out how I feel about Abf lately. He's still getting drunk, although far less often than he did at one point. He's still spending what I feel is far too much money but he's at least going to work and staying at work full days. At one point he went, but left early much of the time and hung out in various lounges. We had the talk on the weekend about the whole leaving for hockey thing and although I wasn't impressed about it coming up now while I'm 4 months pregnant he did decide that his family was more important in the end.

He seems to be trying a little harder to pay attention to me. I'll admit, I need to feel attractive and need him to tell me and show me he loves me sometimes. He's been more "loving" I guess is a good description. Sitting with me on the couch all night and he even grabbed my hand the other day while we were walking down the street! I know it sounds funny to be excited about that but from a guy who doesn't normally think that kind of "intimacy" is very important, it's was really cool he did. Kind of like getting flowers right out of the blue. Most of the time it's just sex with all the warmth of your average low budget porno. Last night when I came home from working, we spent hours just sitting at the table and talking as opposed to the usual him planted in front of the t.v. Also shocking was the fact that I've come home a couple of times in the last couple of weeks to find him drinking "beer". The alcohol free kind! I know that isn't the way to quit but I guess I do think he was trying to keep things peaceful.

So here's where I'm confused. He isn't perfect, he's still drinking and still spending more money than I think he should be but he's pulling his socks up in other areas. I never know what to do in that situation. Do you give him credit for what he IS doing? I'd like to because I really do appreciate his efforts, but at the same time I don't want it to sound like I'm condoning the rest of it. It seems like a catch 22. If I say I appreciate him making the improvement he has, he might think I'm saying it's okay the he occasionally goes out and gets hammered. On the other hand if I don't, he may feel like he's trying for nothing. What do you say? The guy I fell in love with in the first place is peeking out again. I don't want him to disappear.

By the way, even though January and Feb. were rough again, ( a few good binges!) he has improved since last year. It used to be getting almost constant, now at least they're getting fewer and farther apart. Again, does he deserve credit for that?
Thanks for listening.

KATIE77

Hi!
You are sounding more positive about things now. Just take it slowly and see what happens. I know with AB he went through this "amazing" time. Sadly in his case it didnt last long!! but hey, things are looking up for you and you seem a bit happier. Just take it the one day at a time and try and find peace within yourself. ((HUG))

Savana 54

I'm still pretty new here, but it seems things would go in good and bad spurts for me and my Abf.

Each day I never knew what was around the corner; I HATED living that way, that is why he is now my Ex!!

((Hugs)) stay strong!

harleygirl92156

My alcoholic husband could quit drinking, be loving, do ALL the right things for months. Then as soon as he had me sucked in, he would start binging again.
They can "be good" for a long time if they know in the end they will be able to keep all they have and start drinking again.
Be Careful!!!!!!!!

JessicaNAJ

I don't think it would hurt to tell him you appreciate what he's doing. You could put it like...."I thought that was really cool the way you grabbed my hand when we were walking." or "I really enjoyed spending time with you at the table just talking."

I don't think that is condoning him going out occassionally getting hammered.

btw - my husband rarely showed that kind of "intimacy" either. Our love live, right now is non-existent and before this, it was very cold. I can totally relate to what you are saying.

Aquiana

Thanks everyone!

It's like walking on eggshells sometimes with him. I know he thinks he's doing this more for me than himself. He still doesn't see a problem with going out and having a "few drinks". He hasn't recognised that he can't control the going overboard part of it. That's why I hate to seem like I don't see that.

The "fake beer" thing was really big in my eyes. To me it showed that at least for one day, I can't say that I think it will be a forever thing at this point," he thought outside his box. He wanted a beer, weighed the consequences and chose to get the closest thing to it. I know that at one point there wouldn't have been a second thought, he would have just got some. I don't think it means he's going to quit, but for one moment at least he chose not to drink when he knew he could have.

I try to do that to Day. I mean I'm friendlier when he's not drinking. I don't really want much to do with him when he is. That's the guy I don't want to be with. That is a good idea to Jessica, I will tell him I appreciate his trying to be a bit more "intimate". I know it's not really natural for him so it is something that again I know is more for me.

Oh and he did kind of want me to relocate with this whole hockey thing. I said one day maybe, but the one place is really far away from anyone we know. I tried to explain that with a new baby, it would be way to hard for me to be confortable that far away from everyone. This is my first child so I know I'll need a little help. I don't think it would be good for any of us at this point. He seemed to understand. Give me some time till it's a little older and it might be different. I never said it wouldn't happen.

Again thanx everyone for responding.