Fear, Anger and resentment
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: Toronto
Posts: 1
Fear, Anger and resentment
My husband had been sober for about a year and a half. In December he got the opportunity to make big money by going on a job assignment to a different city for December and January.
We have 2 small children, one with a developmental disability. He had been doing so good. No drinking but always a very controlling person and not very affectionate since getting sober.
He is the type who knows everything and everyone else is always wrong. I don't think he ever really took responsibility for what forced him into rehab.
At any rate I called him while he was on this assignment, he called me back after I left him a message that myself and the kids were horribly sick. But, he called me back drunk. I ended up with walking pneumonia as did our son. My intention for calling him was to have him come home. Ofcourse that couldnt happen and I didn't hear from him at all the next day. I'm sure he was hung over.
I recieved a few more drunken calls over his stay there. I did not react. Maybe I should have.
This weekend a friend of his who reciently started renting our basement used our carpet cleaner and wanted to pay us for the use. My husband told me he told this guy to just go buy him a 6 pack(beer). I was furious. All I could do was stare at him and say you told him what???? I was beyond angry. After all he put us all thru. The pain and torment, the fear, and not to mention the lawyer fees to get him out of the mess he got himself into!
Where in his brain could he possibly think that would be alright?? I put up with so much from him. I stay because somehow I continue to love him but right now I'm having a difficult time figuring out why.
And so now ofcourse he is treating me like I did something wrong for being angry with him. What kind of sick mind thinks that way?? We have children to think about. I will not allow them to grow up with a abusive alcohilic for a father. I am just so very ANGRY!! I would love to beat him up although I am not the type I feel so frustrated and restentful right now I feel like it!
I actually at this moment hate this man. And I feel bad for saying that but it is how I am feeling now.
I"m sorry for the venting but I have no family and like I said I don't get out much with 2 small kids so not much for friends either.
We have 2 small children, one with a developmental disability. He had been doing so good. No drinking but always a very controlling person and not very affectionate since getting sober.
He is the type who knows everything and everyone else is always wrong. I don't think he ever really took responsibility for what forced him into rehab.
At any rate I called him while he was on this assignment, he called me back after I left him a message that myself and the kids were horribly sick. But, he called me back drunk. I ended up with walking pneumonia as did our son. My intention for calling him was to have him come home. Ofcourse that couldnt happen and I didn't hear from him at all the next day. I'm sure he was hung over.
I recieved a few more drunken calls over his stay there. I did not react. Maybe I should have.
This weekend a friend of his who reciently started renting our basement used our carpet cleaner and wanted to pay us for the use. My husband told me he told this guy to just go buy him a 6 pack(beer). I was furious. All I could do was stare at him and say you told him what???? I was beyond angry. After all he put us all thru. The pain and torment, the fear, and not to mention the lawyer fees to get him out of the mess he got himself into!
Where in his brain could he possibly think that would be alright?? I put up with so much from him. I stay because somehow I continue to love him but right now I'm having a difficult time figuring out why.
And so now ofcourse he is treating me like I did something wrong for being angry with him. What kind of sick mind thinks that way?? We have children to think about. I will not allow them to grow up with a abusive alcohilic for a father. I am just so very ANGRY!! I would love to beat him up although I am not the type I feel so frustrated and restentful right now I feel like it!
I actually at this moment hate this man. And I feel bad for saying that but it is how I am feeling now.
I"m sorry for the venting but I have no family and like I said I don't get out much with 2 small kids so not much for friends either.
the girl can't help it
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: splendraville
Posts: 5,599
(((Lorrine))))
Welcome to Sober Recovery. We are glad you are here. I am sure others will be along soon to welcome you too.
Keep posting and do some reading too. You are not alone. We do care!!!
Welcome to Sober Recovery. We are glad you are here. I am sure others will be along soon to welcome you too.
Keep posting and do some reading too. You are not alone. We do care!!!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Chicago, IL
Posts: 67
Welcome to SR, Lorrine - vent away! Everything you are feeling, positive or negative, has been felt by most people here. You are in the right place to learn how to cope, and how to heal yourself. Of course I will also suggest Al-anon, becuase there is just something about the live contact, and the unwaivering focus of adressing YOUR mental well-being, not your AHs.
Keep reading and posting.
My exABF was/is the same type - is trying to quit on his own, with no real self-reflection or analysis, no program, no plan. I'd like to know how someone who has been drunk the better part of their adulthood has all the answers, LOL!
Good luck to you...
Keep reading and posting.
My exABF was/is the same type - is trying to quit on his own, with no real self-reflection or analysis, no program, no plan. I'd like to know how someone who has been drunk the better part of their adulthood has all the answers, LOL!
Good luck to you...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Hey Lorrine,
You have every right to be angry.
Feel free to vent all you want, that's what we're here for.
I think you're going to stay angry if you keep expecting things from him that he is unable to give you.
His drinking is going to come first as long as he's active.
It's not because he doesn't love you and the kids.
He just doesn't know how to put anything else first right now.
That's why they call it addiction.
Stick around, there are lots of people here who understand.
And guess what?
You do have family, it's us.
Make yourself at home.
You have every right to be angry.
Feel free to vent all you want, that's what we're here for.
I think you're going to stay angry if you keep expecting things from him that he is unable to give you.
His drinking is going to come first as long as he's active.
It's not because he doesn't love you and the kids.
He just doesn't know how to put anything else first right now.
That's why they call it addiction.
Stick around, there are lots of people here who understand.
And guess what?
You do have family, it's us.
Make yourself at home.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: to warm for snow
Posts: 8
you are doing the right thing by coming here to find help/support for yourself. i've been through/going through a lot of the same things you are going through. same plot/different characters.
but, i have changed a lot and grown a lot in the last few years while my AH has pretty much stayed stagnant. it's amazing, but i don't think i've ever heard him take the blame for something. always someone else's fault.
but, i have changed a lot and grown a lot in the last few years while my AH has pretty much stayed stagnant. it's amazing, but i don't think i've ever heard him take the blame for something. always someone else's fault.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
