FaithChaser

It has been a while since I've been here. I've been trying to focus on the good in my life rather than to try to figure things out. I think I just needed a break from the reality of what is. So I went back to ignoring things, it is so much more cozy for me to do that. Actually things do seem better when I do that, but in the long run I think it it self-sabotage. I am unsure of that at this point.

As things do seem better, while I am ignoring, and just doing my own thing working on me, the drinking has not ceased at all. I realize things are about ready to hit the fan soon, and maybe this is the calm before the storm I'm enjoying. The bottom line is can I be happy in this state for the rest of my life?

I asked the AH if he was willing to do some serious changing to save this marriage the other night. His answer was yes absolutely I will. Am I willing to believe that? UGH I exhausted with this rollar-coaster and want off but I know the only way off is to jump and I know I'm gonna at best skin my knees doing that. Yep, I'm tired so tired I have no fight left in me. I can hardly post or speak about this anymore. Anyone else here with me?

Big weakend hugs,
~Faithchaser

cwohio

faithchaser - yep - i am certainly tired, tired, tired! since i am working on myself mine also says that "you'll feel better when you get your head straightened out with all your issues" - like all my issues are from my alcoholic upbringing and he doesn't contribute anything to that mix! (right). i'm in the "holding pattern" right now myself.

biggggg hugs to you! chris

JessicaNAJ

I'm with you Faith. Enjoy the calm while you can.

It was good to hear from you.

(((((())))))

zoe

I've been there many times and then I get back up. We all need to take time off, It is very exhausting liveing with another person let alone an A. Lately I have been thinking it shouldn't be this hard to live with the person you love.

escape artist

GOD YES! I am right there with you! especially after the expert here told me to give him a date to move out and stick to it. I crumbled, had a panic attack, lost my serenity, cried my heart out, went to bed early and have yet to say that to him. what the hell is wrong with me? i would rather forgive him AGAIN and remain in our fantasy prison. i think he also would choose to ignore that he said he would move out. i have asked him if he has looked for any place, he says "can we really afford to do this?" and i think he took a day off from doing anything (drugs,booze). He even didn't drink any coca-cola!-but that could be that he really overdid it saturday nite and is still hurting from it.
well, i went online to try and buy all those books everybody talks about and i know i need them, but for some reason my book orders for these always get messed up and i don't get the books! Now is that my higher power or the devil? Ha! i am really going to try again in another day to see if I can buy them. so i can learn to become stronger and DEAL with my situation. cause right now i am just a blowhard.

queenofthehwy

Faith,
I think I could have written that word for word!!!
I had my last counseling appt and he told me I needed to make a decision unless I was happy to keep doing this thing we call a marriage. NO I am not happy. But I am going to completely shut up about him. It's all about me, in 6 months I will hopefully be able to make a choice.

Julie1016

IUGH I exhausted with this rollar-coaster and want off but I know the only way off is to jump and I know I'm gonna at best skin my knees doing that. Yep, I'm tired so tired I have no fight left in me. I can hardly post or speak about this anymore. Anyone else here with me?

Big weakend hugs,
~Faithchaser[/QUOTE]

OMG do I ever feel that way. Only for me it's my mom. I have dealt with her as an alcoholic my entire life. And now at the age of 35, I feel like i honestly just can't take it anymore. I am SOO tired of trying to believe that she can get sober and STAY sober. I honestly never fully believed it could happen, until within the past year when she was sober for nearly a year and a half(her longest run before that was 6 months). I have had SOOO much bad crap happen in my life due to her. Thank God ALL of it when I was young and unable to make decisions for myself(nor care for myself for that matter). Now I am married to a great man and we have 3 wonderful kids(2 boys and a girl.in that order). I for once in my life feel the NEED to transfer ALL my energies on them. As worring about my mom is doing me or my family any good at all. I just thank God my children have never seen their grandma the way I had to many, many times growing up. But yes, I too and just very very tired from it all.