Question for some of you that live with A....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Windsor, Canada
Posts: 3
You are perfectly right. I'm married to non drinking A (was drinking 14 years of our marriage) and I was going to leave him but at that point he stopped drinking. I felt I needed to give the marriage another shot. Three years later and I'm wondering why I didn't leave anyway. With me it was financial (so I went back to school) I know now I can leave when I want to without being desperate for money. I still love him but I can't go much further like I am. I've also stayed for our two girls. One is University bound in one year and the other has 3 years to go. I've actively started to think of staying for the girls (though money wouldn't be desperate - I'd never have enough to put my girls through University). I want a better life for my daughters. Not sure if this is what you're looking for - it is easier to leave someone when there aren't children involved. Maybe I'm still making excuses?? Not sure anymore.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: houston, tx
Posts: 323
Really I do not think anyone here should even feel the need to explain why they stay or leave. They should feel free to vent here with out being judged. Each person has their own unique situation. Unless the relationship is physiclly abrusive, their isn't a right or wrong answer.
But as another says- being married is a lot more complicated. Property, kids and insurance. Just my opinion. dax
But as another says- being married is a lot more complicated. Property, kids and insurance. Just my opinion. dax
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Great Britain
Posts: 138
Reasons for staying..differ..from person to person. For me...reasons are; lack of money and getting older. Lack of self-esteem and knowing what a person of my age can do in the outside world alone.
too much on my plate!!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: not kissing frogs anymore
Posts: 646
Bluestar some of your reasons remind me of why I stayed, mostly because of the money. Oh well, doesn't matter anymore... I need to move on for myself and my sanity.
Thanks for all the opinions.
Thanks for all the opinions.
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Savana,
Please know in your heart that I am not judging you or anyone else on this board. Each of us have our own journeys to walk and I don't believe it's up to anyone of us to "tell" anyone else what they should or shouldn't do.
I am a member of Al-Anon and God willing I will continue to be. I grew up with alcoholic parents, I too suffer from the affects of the family disease of alcoholism. I didn't marry a man who drank. But life goes on for all of us and the day came when I was so grateful that my H.P. got me to Al-Anon before he started drinking. He isn't drinking now in the present. But there was a 10 year period that he did drink on a daily basis.
I truly believe each of us has a set of lessons to learn before we leave this path we're on. I also believe that the horns on his head just fit the holes in my head. I know he loves me to the best of his ability. IT WAS me that married this man believing we would live happily ever after. I grew up with tools for surviving in an alcoholic family that worked for me then. In marrage I needed new tools, so I adpoted the rules of my in-laws of "just don't feel, don't let it bother you, lets pretend this isn't hell and it aint hot." Those rules didn't work for me either. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and when to a family doctor who sent me on to counsiling. From there I sarted Al-Anon and have been going ever since.
I go to Al-Anon meetings because I feel better going to a meeting. I work the Steps and have a sponsor. I believe without the Al-Anon program had I left I would have just gone out an married another person whose drinking would drive me crazy. I am surrounded by drinkers today.
Do I love them? Yes I do. They are my family. Do I try to change them NO because I can't. They don't belong to me. I do not own them and I don't take hostages today.
Do I want them to change YES but it isn't mine to decide that. I have to keep the focus on me and my life.
I believe my purpose today is to be of service to my H.P. and to learn to love others excatly as they are not as I would have them be to keep me comfortable. I am learning NOT to accept unacceptable behavior from anyone.
As JT says I am married one day at a time to wonderful, loving, and kind man who is doing what we all are doing, The Best We Know How One Day At A Time.
I wish you the best of happiness and love that life has to offer you on your journey.
Love and prayers from one who cares.
Please know in your heart that I am not judging you or anyone else on this board. Each of us have our own journeys to walk and I don't believe it's up to anyone of us to "tell" anyone else what they should or shouldn't do.
I am a member of Al-Anon and God willing I will continue to be. I grew up with alcoholic parents, I too suffer from the affects of the family disease of alcoholism. I didn't marry a man who drank. But life goes on for all of us and the day came when I was so grateful that my H.P. got me to Al-Anon before he started drinking. He isn't drinking now in the present. But there was a 10 year period that he did drink on a daily basis.
I truly believe each of us has a set of lessons to learn before we leave this path we're on. I also believe that the horns on his head just fit the holes in my head. I know he loves me to the best of his ability. IT WAS me that married this man believing we would live happily ever after. I grew up with tools for surviving in an alcoholic family that worked for me then. In marrage I needed new tools, so I adpoted the rules of my in-laws of "just don't feel, don't let it bother you, lets pretend this isn't hell and it aint hot." Those rules didn't work for me either. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired and when to a family doctor who sent me on to counsiling. From there I sarted Al-Anon and have been going ever since.
I go to Al-Anon meetings because I feel better going to a meeting. I work the Steps and have a sponsor. I believe without the Al-Anon program had I left I would have just gone out an married another person whose drinking would drive me crazy. I am surrounded by drinkers today.
Do I love them? Yes I do. They are my family. Do I try to change them NO because I can't. They don't belong to me. I do not own them and I don't take hostages today.
Do I want them to change YES but it isn't mine to decide that. I have to keep the focus on me and my life.
I believe my purpose today is to be of service to my H.P. and to learn to love others excatly as they are not as I would have them be to keep me comfortable. I am learning NOT to accept unacceptable behavior from anyone.
As JT says I am married one day at a time to wonderful, loving, and kind man who is doing what we all are doing, The Best We Know How One Day At A Time.
I wish you the best of happiness and love that life has to offer you on your journey.
Love and prayers from one who cares.
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