Help....
Member
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Litterbox City
Posts: 5,691
jess - you are human and have been carrying a lot of respnosbility on your shoulders for a while. you're not psychotic - you've been on overload. that's why it's so important for "jess time".
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: uk
Posts: 3,054
((((Jess)))) One of the lovilest things about doing behavioural programmes was how much nicer, easier, more peaceful life is for the parents when things become reward based.
The problem with trying to 'stop' behaviour is that it's so frustrating - aversives (punishments) lose power over time - by the 10th time you do the same thing the kid just doesn't care as much as the first. The temptation then is to keep raising the sanction.
Rewarding good behaviour is different you climb into the driving seat for CERTAIN, when you see something good, polite, effort, restraint you can be CERTAIN that you can reward it and rewarded behaviour WILL increase.
It still needs firm boundries the day you refuse a reward because a line has been crossed you get an almighty tantrum 'IT'S NOT FAIR blub.... blub... wail...etc' but you can be CERTAIN that you won't give in and that gets quickly learned.
You daughter is learning 1000 new rules a day and learning thse rules are different with different people, she's learning language, new boundaries and bits of increased independence. The loving little girl hasn't disappeared she's just swamped trying 1000 different things every minute without really knowing which will work. It's easier to teach what works than TEACH what doesn't - it's easier to let them learn for themselves what doesn't work.
She's sort of a grown baby - a bit like a dry drunk. She's hasn't yet learned how to or which behaviours to change.
The problem with trying to 'stop' behaviour is that it's so frustrating - aversives (punishments) lose power over time - by the 10th time you do the same thing the kid just doesn't care as much as the first. The temptation then is to keep raising the sanction.
Rewarding good behaviour is different you climb into the driving seat for CERTAIN, when you see something good, polite, effort, restraint you can be CERTAIN that you can reward it and rewarded behaviour WILL increase.
It still needs firm boundries the day you refuse a reward because a line has been crossed you get an almighty tantrum 'IT'S NOT FAIR blub.... blub... wail...etc' but you can be CERTAIN that you won't give in and that gets quickly learned.
You daughter is learning 1000 new rules a day and learning thse rules are different with different people, she's learning language, new boundaries and bits of increased independence. The loving little girl hasn't disappeared she's just swamped trying 1000 different things every minute without really knowing which will work. It's easier to teach what works than TEACH what doesn't - it's easier to let them learn for themselves what doesn't work.
She's sort of a grown baby - a bit like a dry drunk. She's hasn't yet learned how to or which behaviours to change.
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