loving myself
 

i was wondering what others do to love themselves. everyone says when things are bad to be gentle with ourselves. for me it means watching what i am eating and making sure to walk. i finish and feel tired. but also loving of myself in that during that time i neither said anything, did anything, or thought anything that would hurt another. i also receive the benefit of losing a couple pounds and toning up.

what do you do to love yourself?

quietsins

Oh I have a long list but here is a sample...same as you I eat right and exercise, I keep my mind active, always learning, I surround myself with a group of people who are on my side and I try to spend as much time outdoors as possible because for some reason it fills me up.

JT

I try to tell myself whatever I would tell a good friend. Sometimes that's to stop thinking about something till I've had a good nights sleep, or to cut myself some slack - I don't have to get everything right, or to give myself a treat, get some fresh air, HAVE FUN!!

Sometimes loving myself includes reminding myself of the good things too, just as I would remind a friend.

If I'm having a 'kicking myself' fit I try to remember that's NOT how I would treat a friend or what I'd say to them.

Staying involved with my recovery was the first commitment I ever kept to myself. No matter what anyone else says or does, I go to my meetings, read my literature, and try to practice what I'm learning. That commitment has made such a change in my life. It has allowed me to really learn to love myself. Hugs, Magic

Besides echoing what's already been shared, I also keep a close watch on the language I use toward myself, taking care to be kind and gentle in my dealings with myself. Instead of the old "I can't believe I just ________. I'm so stupid!", I might replace this with "Oh, I made a mistake. I guess I'm human after all!"

For me, the essence of "Let It Begin With Me" is that I first treat myself the way I'd like to treat/be treated by others. Only when I'm first treating myself in a compassionate, loving manner can I truly treat others in the same way.

I do things for me that I've always wanted to do. Now mind you since AH moved out, I really have a hard time making ends meet financially. But you know - sometimes it's nice to just go out and splurge on myself.
In the year that Ah has moved out, I have been promoted at work which meant I had to have some new clothes. Okay, so I bought cheap but they were still new. A luxury that I hadn't had in a long long time.
I've had my eyebrows waxed. LOL. And I don't have bad eyebrows. I just had never had it done so I went and did it.
I've also taken my kids to a bunch of festivals and fairs that are around here. This was something we all missed out on because AH never wanted to go and therefore, the kids and I didn't go either. (This was before I found this site, alanon, etc)
I've learned to accept what people offer me. And I don't just mean financial things. I've learned that friendship and someone loving me really is a wonderful thing. From the small things they do for me to simply being there for me. So I've rid myself of those that aren't really my friends and have learned to love and appreciate the true friends that I really do have.
A friend of mine and I go to a concert or two every summer. This is just our day and it's fun to see the old groups out there that were big in our teenage years. It's nice to return to our youth once or twice a year. ;)
I also listen to a song on my way to work every morning. It's a song that reminds me of the night that I hit my bottom. It gives me strength as it reminds me of how far I"ve come.
Okay, so I obviously don't do something daily for myself. This is something I need to work. But one more thing I have to share because it gave me the best feeling of everything I've ever done for myself.
I wanted my navel peirced about 10 years ago before it was so common. Ah had a fit. It wasn't a nice conversation and it ended with my asking him if he'd divorce me if I had it done and him saying he probably would. Well, one week exactly after AH moved out, I went and had my navel peirced. Ironically I was supposed to have it done the day AH did move out, but my son got sick. We had a huge fight and he moved out so I had it done the following week. This was something I had wanted for years!!!!! This was something I hadn't done because HE didn't want me to have it done and I allowed him to control me. This was the first thing that I did FOR ME! And it was a huge huge thing for me!

Sometimes I think it's still hard for us to focus on ourselves. We're used to taking care of everyone else. But truly, we all need to love ourselves and I wanted to say thank you for posting this as it's a great reminder for me.

What do I do to love myself? It really depends, sometimes I try and wonder why other are not attracted to me and what I need to change, then I realize that I DO NOT need to CHANGE ANYTHING!!!!!!! I am o.k. the way I am and if they do not like it too bad. I am a wonderful, sincere, caring, honest person and I would love to have a friend like me. Others think I am too harsh, but you never have to guess where I stand. When I try to please others, this is where my codependent stuff starts. So I guess I just go back to being me, this is what I do to love myself. I AM MEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! :bananadan :bananadan :bananadan

That's a good question....

My focus is primarily on my kids, my responsibilities and what I can do to make things better for them and me, ie..calming my tempered anxiety and handling my 3 year olds tantrums and stuborness more calmly and constructively.

I guess occassionally I go to the store and buy myself something, but usually I shop for the house and the kids. I did get my hair done (finally) a couple weeks ago. Does that count?

I love myself by always knowing who I am and taking responsibility for my stuff and only mine.I do care how people see me but not to the point that I doubt my true soul.
Zoe