Codie Class
 

Well, I think it will be good! We talked about all the signs of being a codie, and the healthy alternitive way of thinking. What I found astounding was that my AH is VEERRRYYYY much everything on the list of the codie behavior! (of course, I could be too, and not notice it as much) Kinda makes me think there is little hope for us being in a healthy relationship unless he is working the program too. I don't know. But aside from me introducing myself as CWOhio, It was great! :tongue1: Our homework for this week is to wright down everything/people that has made us angry all our life. The more I think about it, the more things I remember.
What are some of the things/people in your life who have made you mad, and why? :redmad: :angryfire

i too think the workshop will be beneficial. i think it will give me more motivation to focus on me and my behaviors.

I won't go through the whole list of people on my inventory, but my mom and my husband were the big ones. Working through the anger to find that most of it was based in fear helped. Working through the fear and finding love, acceptance, and healing was the beginning of my journey to wholeness. Hugs, Magic

magic - yes, i feel that much of my anger is based on fear - it's the "codie" way of dealing. i pray that cup & i find the healing that you have found!

I would have to start with my mom.....I don't think she was EVER really there for me as a child. I know she had to work two job to hold the family together, and I am very greatful for that, but that only lasted a year or two, what about the other years? My step-mom was there for me more than she was.

It's my mother for me as well.

But, I had a HUGE liberating moment but from that point on my heart was a thousand times lighter.

My mother was small...5' or so. And looked much older than she really was. Was always angry, always bitter, could hold a grudge for years and years and years, even over the slightest thing. And, in her rages, she'd hurl dishes, small funiture...you get the idea.

When my sister and I grew up and left home my dad became the focus of her rages, when he died, the neighbors. The cops took turns, they'd get me or my sis..."Please come do something with your mother". And we'd drive over...she'd rant at us and it would be over.

One night, I was in my late 30's...cops were at my door with their "come do something with your mother" request.

LIGHTBULB went off like a 1040's photo flash! I said, "guys, you have guns! If you can't do anything with her, what do you want from me?
Arrest her, shoot her, do whatever it is you're allowed to do to keep the peace but I can't help."

I felt like 4000 lbs had been lifted from my shoulders! Cops argued...'she's too old to arrest' (she was in early 60's but looked 85), 'but you always come when we ask'...ect ect...I held my ground. I honestly do not know what they did after that but they NEVER asked me again and my mother never "got me" again. It was like a switch that had been stuck in the on position was suddenly and permanently off.

She died a few years later. Those were peaceful years for me. I walked away whenever a rant started, even when she was hospitalized and dying.
I tended to her needs however I could but had granted myself permission to never be her personal recepticle of hate. That simple "no" to the cops changed my world and was the biggest and best education I ever recieved...for the first time in my entire life I realized: ONLY I CONTROLED ME! Being in control took away the anger.

Sorry this reply is so long, but it was a significant moment in my life!

My mom

My mom too..we haven't had a relationship in 8 years..But I'm on my 9th step in AlAnon so I'll have to make an amends to her..I am taking gradual steps at trying to put her back in my life..I sent her a birthday card last week.

Of course, she has not called me 1x in 8 years..I've seen her twice - my brother's funeral (oh the viciousness things she said to me) and my sister's wedding 4 years ago..no contact from her at any time..

I now realize that her father was a really mean nasty abusive alcoholic (heard rumors he held a knive to her throat) and her mom died when she was in her early 20s.

I'm trying to have compassion for her because she is a very sick person as well..My uncle (her brother) is also an alcoholic..Because I haven't seen her in 8 years, I don't know if she drinks but I wonder if she is an alcoholic as well..She didn't drink much when I was growing up but her behavior was so hurtful and atrocious..

anyway I was very angry at her for years but not now..I am very worried about trying to have a relationship with her because I think she might still have the capacity to hurt me..but maybe I'll have enough recovery to deal with her..

Wow! So many people here are angry with their mothers! My mom is my best friend!!! My father was the alcoholic though. My oldest sister has a lot of agner for her though because she feels that my mom turned tail and ran away from the abuse my father dished out instead of standing up and defending us. Which may be true, but no one is perfect, and she needs to deal with that and move on. Just my opinion.

My Dad - for not being emotionally available to me, for not making me feel loved and valuable.
My Mother - for being mentally ill, embarassing me as a child, and commiting suicide
My Step-Mom - for making me feel like a victim with no way out
My Half-Sister - for being the "special" one.

Actually I think I have worked through all these feelings and I am grateful for that.