clyde

I posted a while back that my AH quit drinking cuz I told him he could not be part of our family if he did not. Then I asked why ya'll thougt he had not come home yet. It's been 2 months. You guys offered me the positive thinking I could not find myself. I took comfort that he was probably just afraid. Well I found out on Friday that the selfish #@$ just does not want to come home because he wants more "him time". I am going insane her and he had hte nerve to tell me to "just get a good night's sleep, It works for him" He told me the therapist told him he should have more alone time. I talked to the therapist today and he laughed when I told him that. He said that was my H's avoidance pattern. I have been waiting all this time ot find the better man with out hte bottle only to find out the only difference is that he now does not pass out on my living room floor. The therapist started talking about working on something but I could not hear him because all I could hear was my own anger and hurt. And now I do not know if I can work on anything because I do not know if I have the sanity to put anymore into this relationship. I am so tired and stressed and no amount of sleep and relaxation helps because I just know it will all start again.

SuziQ

I understand exactly how you feel because I have felt the same emotions of heartbreak and indescribable pain as I have supported, understood, tried, and just got plain furious.

My advice is to roll with the pain which you have to go through in order to come out the other side. Understand that no matter how many times you forgive he will always hurt you and try your best to forge a little life on your own.

If he is struly serious about becoming a better, sober person then he has to prove it to you and then maybe, just maybe, he can slowly re-enter your life. But ask yourself, is this man really worth it? Forget the dirnk, just for a moment, but is he otherwise kind and gentle, funny and hardworking, reliable and gorgeous? Is he worth all this heart ache?

JT

The thing is...and here is the irony...he is the one out there living his life. Yours has been put on pause while you agonize over him.

The best revenge is to live well...
Hugs,
JT

minnie

Oh, JT, you have no idea how much I needed to hear that today.

Clyde - just because he's stopped drinking doesn't mean that there is a "better" man there waiting to come out and that certainly won't happen if serious efforts aren't being put into recovery. I have no idea whether or not your husband is taking his recovery seriously and to be honest, it's your healing that is most important here. Waiting for someone else to get healthy is such a waste. Why not put that otherwise dead time into you?

Love

Minnie
xxx

Magichappens

((clyde))
I quit trying to make my relationship work. Either it was or it wasn't going to. That wasn't an easy decision. I had to realize that it might not. What I did know was that I was unhappy, and that I didn't like the way MY life was going. Putting the focus on me and learning how I could be happy and whole began a new life for me. As of today, my relationship is better, and my husband is in recovery. That doesn't mean it will always be that way. But today, I can accept the good, and handle anything that comes along. I am whole and healed whether others in my life are ok or not. I am free to make the decisions that are best for me based on what others do, not what they say.

There was a part of me that didn't want to get better, because the person I love wasn't getting better. It seemed that recovery for me meant that we would be moving in different directions. But my being miserable wasn't going to change whether he got better or not. When I came to that realization, I gave myself permission to live and be happy. Those around me had to make their own choices about that.

It's not easy to let go. It's not easy to live and let live. But no matter how much we want others to get better, it's their choice. The only one we can decide for is us. Hugs, Magic