codependency
Paused
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: schweinfurt germany
Posts: 3
codependency
Ok, So Ive read the books and took the tests and now I see that I am codependent on a moderate to severe level. I looked at the five steps and Im confused about a couple issues. #4,#8......im not sure what a moral inventory is and im not too sure whoIve been hurting other than myself. But for now I am happy that I have an alanon group to talk to and this message board. Now my next goal is to find god again.
melody
melody
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
Hi Melody,
There will be plenty of "oldtimers" that can help you out with the steps. I discovered I was codependent earlier this summer and I've been working on steps 1-3 ever since. I fear I will be on these steps for a while, b/c to be honest, I'm scared to do steps 4-6, especially step 4! Up until recently, I never thought I had done anything wrong, I thought I was completely justified in everything I did and said. But the more self-awareness I encounter, the more I realize how blind I've been. I truly considered myself the "victim", I believed I was being wronged and didn't deserve it. I had no idea I was a controlling nut, I thought I was being responsible. I pretty much put myself up there with sainthood! BUT, my eyes were opened and now I'm on my journey to a happier, less codependent life.
As you work the steps, you'll become more aware of certain thought patterns and actions and then you'll be able to work on changing them. Don't worry about trying to tackle the steps all at once. It's a lifelong process, just take it one day at a time.
There will be plenty of "oldtimers" that can help you out with the steps. I discovered I was codependent earlier this summer and I've been working on steps 1-3 ever since. I fear I will be on these steps for a while, b/c to be honest, I'm scared to do steps 4-6, especially step 4! Up until recently, I never thought I had done anything wrong, I thought I was completely justified in everything I did and said. But the more self-awareness I encounter, the more I realize how blind I've been. I truly considered myself the "victim", I believed I was being wronged and didn't deserve it. I had no idea I was a controlling nut, I thought I was being responsible. I pretty much put myself up there with sainthood! BUT, my eyes were opened and now I'm on my journey to a happier, less codependent life.
As you work the steps, you'll become more aware of certain thought patterns and actions and then you'll be able to work on changing them. Don't worry about trying to tackle the steps all at once. It's a lifelong process, just take it one day at a time.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Mel,
Well put Journeygal..the steps ARE alife long process and nothing to be raced through. There is no diploma at the end. I am now working the steps fo the 3rd time and each time I have been in a differant place emotonally and spiritually.
My first experience was the most dramatic...accepting my powerlessness, becoming willing to turn over my life, and finally doing it. The key is "accepting" that things are the way they are and we cannot in any way shape or form change another person...sound easy? Not by a long shot.
You should be gently led to a 4th step by your progression in the program. As you begin to accept what IS and begin to make some changes and see the results of those changes often we begin to see some of those defects of characture...old behaviors that we have shed because they are no longer working for us.
Do you have a sponsor? A good sponsor will lead you through the steps and know when you are ready for a 4th.
Also, don't think it is not a big deal because you "only hurt yourself"...I have had to made amends to myself as well as others.
Hugs,
JT
Well put Journeygal..the steps ARE alife long process and nothing to be raced through. There is no diploma at the end. I am now working the steps fo the 3rd time and each time I have been in a differant place emotonally and spiritually.
My first experience was the most dramatic...accepting my powerlessness, becoming willing to turn over my life, and finally doing it. The key is "accepting" that things are the way they are and we cannot in any way shape or form change another person...sound easy? Not by a long shot.
You should be gently led to a 4th step by your progression in the program. As you begin to accept what IS and begin to make some changes and see the results of those changes often we begin to see some of those defects of characture...old behaviors that we have shed because they are no longer working for us.
Do you have a sponsor? A good sponsor will lead you through the steps and know when you are ready for a 4th.
Also, don't think it is not a big deal because you "only hurt yourself"...I have had to made amends to myself as well as others.
Hugs,
JT
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Melody
If you're trying to find God, you are probably only at step 2 and that is just fine for now. Take your time and don't move on until you are totally satisfied with where you are.
I found God by going to several different churches, Catholic, Pentacostal and Baptist were my choices, and I chose the specific churches because I heard that they had a very positive spiritual message. I also spent some time alone, sitting in the Catholic church when no service was happening, and prayed and tried to feel the presence of God. And it worked. As I sat quietly and opened my heart, I knew that God was there and that He was with me always. I can't describe the wonderful feeling that was.
Our moral inventory is about listing our good points and our bad...it should be balanced. For me, some of my character defects were impatience, resentments by the score, anger and fear. As I listed each one, I listed where they came from and what I wanted to do with them before I "gave them away" in my 6th, and 7th step. Don't dwell on that too long if it sounds confusing...you will know when you get there. And this is why having a sponsor work through the steps with you is a good idea.
There is a wonderful thread called "12-Step outline' at the top of the Al-Anon board. There is more information there about working these steps too, and it is worth a read.
I didn't mean to write a book here, but as you can tell, these steps mean the world to me. They saved my life and are part of my day to day living now.
Good luck on your journey and feel free to ask questions here any time you want.
If you're trying to find God, you are probably only at step 2 and that is just fine for now. Take your time and don't move on until you are totally satisfied with where you are.
I found God by going to several different churches, Catholic, Pentacostal and Baptist were my choices, and I chose the specific churches because I heard that they had a very positive spiritual message. I also spent some time alone, sitting in the Catholic church when no service was happening, and prayed and tried to feel the presence of God. And it worked. As I sat quietly and opened my heart, I knew that God was there and that He was with me always. I can't describe the wonderful feeling that was.
Our moral inventory is about listing our good points and our bad...it should be balanced. For me, some of my character defects were impatience, resentments by the score, anger and fear. As I listed each one, I listed where they came from and what I wanted to do with them before I "gave them away" in my 6th, and 7th step. Don't dwell on that too long if it sounds confusing...you will know when you get there. And this is why having a sponsor work through the steps with you is a good idea.
There is a wonderful thread called "12-Step outline' at the top of the Al-Anon board. There is more information there about working these steps too, and it is worth a read.
I didn't mean to write a book here, but as you can tell, these steps mean the world to me. They saved my life and are part of my day to day living now.
Good luck on your journey and feel free to ask questions here any time you want.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
