THE GRIEF PROCESS - Getting Through it
Nature Girl
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Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
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THE GRIEF PROCESS - Getting Through it
This is from Melody Beattie's "Language of Letting Go" (Nov. 2 reading).
THE GRIEF PROCESS
To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses is how we surrender to the process of life and recovery. Some experts, like Patrick Carnes, call the Twelve Steps "a program for dealing with our losses, a program for dealing with our grief".
How do we grieve?
Awkwardly. Imperfectly. Usually with a great deal of resistance. Often with anger and attempts to negotiate. Ultimately, we surrender to the pain.
The grief process, says Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, is a five-stage process: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and finally, acceptance. That's how we grieve; that's how we accept; that's how we forgive; that's how we respond to the many changes life throws our way.
Although this five-step process looks tidy on paper, it is not tidy in life. We do not move through it in a compartmentalized manner. We usually flounder through, kicking and screaming, with much back-and-forth movement - until we reach that peaceful state called acceptance.
When we talk about "unfinished business" from our past, we are usually referring to losses which we have not completed grieving. We're talking about being stuck somewhere in the grief process.
Usually, for codependents, the place we become stuck is denial. Passing through denial is the first and most dangerous stage of grieving, but it is also the first step toward acceptance.
We can learn to understand the grief process and how it applies to our recovery. Even good changes in recovery can bring loss, and consequently, grief. We can learn to help ourselves and others by understanding and becoming familiar with this process.
We can learn to fully grieve our losses, feel our pain, accept, and forgive, so we can feel joy and love.
Today, God, help me open myself to the process of grieving my losses. Help me allow myself to flow through the grief process, accepting all the stages so I might achieve peace and acceptance in my life. Help me learn to be gentle with myself and others while we go through this very human process of healing.
THE GRIEF PROCESS
To let ourselves wholly grieve our losses is how we surrender to the process of life and recovery. Some experts, like Patrick Carnes, call the Twelve Steps "a program for dealing with our losses, a program for dealing with our grief".
How do we grieve?
Awkwardly. Imperfectly. Usually with a great deal of resistance. Often with anger and attempts to negotiate. Ultimately, we surrender to the pain.
The grief process, says Elisabeth Kubler-Ross, is a five-stage process: denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and finally, acceptance. That's how we grieve; that's how we accept; that's how we forgive; that's how we respond to the many changes life throws our way.
Although this five-step process looks tidy on paper, it is not tidy in life. We do not move through it in a compartmentalized manner. We usually flounder through, kicking and screaming, with much back-and-forth movement - until we reach that peaceful state called acceptance.
When we talk about "unfinished business" from our past, we are usually referring to losses which we have not completed grieving. We're talking about being stuck somewhere in the grief process.
Usually, for codependents, the place we become stuck is denial. Passing through denial is the first and most dangerous stage of grieving, but it is also the first step toward acceptance.
We can learn to understand the grief process and how it applies to our recovery. Even good changes in recovery can bring loss, and consequently, grief. We can learn to help ourselves and others by understanding and becoming familiar with this process.
We can learn to fully grieve our losses, feel our pain, accept, and forgive, so we can feel joy and love.
Today, God, help me open myself to the process of grieving my losses. Help me allow myself to flow through the grief process, accepting all the stages so I might achieve peace and acceptance in my life. Help me learn to be gentle with myself and others while we go through this very human process of healing.
Last edited by Ann; 09-02-2002 at 03:58 PM.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: North America
Posts: 362
Great post anns~ thats me for sure~flopping around here like a damn fish, resisting it.....
yep, I am trying to resist accepting it....
At least I can see that, and that is good right?
I hope so....
Great post for me right now......
yep, I am trying to resist accepting it....
At least I can see that, and that is good right?
I hope so....
Great post for me right now......
Nature Girl
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Bonbon
If you don't own a copy of "Language of Letting Go" try to get one. I love her writings and refer to mine every day.
I don't quite see you flopping around like a fish LOL, it's just not your style. But you are struggling, as we all do, when we are so emotionally tied to someone that our vision gets blurred.
I sense that you are not as confused as you think. I think you are just sad that it can't be different right now. But good things await you, Bonbon, just hold out those empty hands and they will come.
If you don't own a copy of "Language of Letting Go" try to get one. I love her writings and refer to mine every day.
I don't quite see you flopping around like a fish LOL, it's just not your style. But you are struggling, as we all do, when we are so emotionally tied to someone that our vision gets blurred.
I sense that you are not as confused as you think. I think you are just sad that it can't be different right now. But good things await you, Bonbon, just hold out those empty hands and they will come.
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Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Ann,
Great post! Very insightful.
And Bonbon...a fish? LOL No, hon...this is something you need to feel. You are a wonderful person and you are moving forward and showing great strength. This to shall pass!
Hugs!
JT
Great post! Very insightful.
And Bonbon...a fish? LOL No, hon...this is something you need to feel. You are a wonderful person and you are moving forward and showing great strength. This to shall pass!
Hugs!
JT
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