Leaving is harder than I thought
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Crazyland
Posts: 22
Leaving is harder than I thought
This has been some ordeal. Ever since finding out he has a 14-year-old things have gone down hill. After the initial shock, I figured we could deal with this. Apparently, I was wrong because my AH withdrew deeper into his addiction with alcohol. He refused to sleep with me or talk to me for that matter. It's been months since we've had a decent conversation. He told me that he was not changing. Then he served me with divorce papers which I must admit I was ready to sign. Although there was a bit of sadness.
For those who've read my past posts, this has definitely been crazy. But the most craziest of all is that I am so sad because I am leaving our apartment tomorrow. I should be thrilled! Especially since, in a rage, my AH took some of my sentimental items, called me a ***** and threatened to "stab me in my sleep." How could I not be ready to go?
For those who've read my past posts, this has definitely been crazy. But the most craziest of all is that I am so sad because I am leaving our apartment tomorrow. I should be thrilled! Especially since, in a rage, my AH took some of my sentimental items, called me a ***** and threatened to "stab me in my sleep." How could I not be ready to go?
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
Dreams, sorry you are going through this. I hope you can find some peace tonight and tomorrow during this time - I also pray for your safety. That was a serious threat. Can you spend the night somewhere else?
Please take care of yourself, and keep us posted on your move. Find some support to help you through this!
Please take care of yourself, and keep us posted on your move. Find some support to help you through this!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Great Britain
Posts: 138
Dreamsdeferred,sorry you are having to go through this. Know it is very hard.
A friend sent me this poem. Hope it will help a little. It has me.
The Four Candles
The Four Candles burned slowly. Their ambiance was so soft you could
hear them speak.
The first candle said, "I am Peace, but these days, nobody wants to
keep me lit." Then Peace's flame slowly diminishes and goes out completely.
The second candle says, "I am Faith, but these days, I am no longer
indispensable." Then Faith's flame slowly diminishes and goes out
completely.
Sadly, the third candle spoke, "I am Love and I haven't the strength
to stay lit any longer. People put me aside and don't understand my
importance. They even forget to love those who are nearest to them."
And waiting no longer, Love goes out completely.
Suddenly . . . A child enters the room and sees the three candles no
longer burning. The child begins to cry, "Why are you not burning?
You are supposed to stay lit until the end."
Then the Fourth Candle spoke gently to the little boy, "Don't be
afraid, for I Am Hope, and while I still burn, we can re-light the other
candles."
With Shining eyes the child took the Candle of Hope and lit the other
three candles.
Never let the Flame of Hope go out of your life. With Hope, no matter
how bad things look and are, Peace, Faith and Love can Shine brightly
in our lives.
Don't let these candles go out in your life! If you can't see the light
at the end of the tunnel, march down there and turn it on yourself.
Author Unknown
A friend sent me this poem. Hope it will help a little. It has me.
The Four Candles
The Four Candles burned slowly. Their ambiance was so soft you could
hear them speak.
The first candle said, "I am Peace, but these days, nobody wants to
keep me lit." Then Peace's flame slowly diminishes and goes out completely.
The second candle says, "I am Faith, but these days, I am no longer
indispensable." Then Faith's flame slowly diminishes and goes out
completely.
Sadly, the third candle spoke, "I am Love and I haven't the strength
to stay lit any longer. People put me aside and don't understand my
importance. They even forget to love those who are nearest to them."
And waiting no longer, Love goes out completely.
Suddenly . . . A child enters the room and sees the three candles no
longer burning. The child begins to cry, "Why are you not burning?
You are supposed to stay lit until the end."
Then the Fourth Candle spoke gently to the little boy, "Don't be
afraid, for I Am Hope, and while I still burn, we can re-light the other
candles."
With Shining eyes the child took the Candle of Hope and lit the other
three candles.
Never let the Flame of Hope go out of your life. With Hope, no matter
how bad things look and are, Peace, Faith and Love can Shine brightly
in our lives.
Don't let these candles go out in your life! If you can't see the light
at the end of the tunnel, march down there and turn it on yourself.
Author Unknown
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: America the Beautiful
Posts: 11
Dear Dreams,
I know exactly what you are going through. I am in the same boat as you. How can they say and act the way they do??? Alcohol can do wicked things to a person and eat at their brains until they are no longer the person they once were. It's so sad loosing somebody like that because you remember the way they were. Oh, if we only knew then what we know now.
I'm sorry for you pain, I'm sorry for all of our pain.
I love the poem you posted, Bluester. I've printed it out and will read it every day.
Keep the light of Hope.
Put your left hand on your right shoulder, your right hand and your left soulder and squeeze tight. That's a long distance hug from me to you.
Take care of you.
I know exactly what you are going through. I am in the same boat as you. How can they say and act the way they do??? Alcohol can do wicked things to a person and eat at their brains until they are no longer the person they once were. It's so sad loosing somebody like that because you remember the way they were. Oh, if we only knew then what we know now.
I'm sorry for you pain, I'm sorry for all of our pain.
I love the poem you posted, Bluester. I've printed it out and will read it every day.
Keep the light of Hope.
Put your left hand on your right shoulder, your right hand and your left soulder and squeeze tight. That's a long distance hug from me to you.
Take care of you.
Ugh!
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Enchanted Elmoland
Posts: 180
Dreams,
Well, we definately have been sharing this rollarcoaster ride! I think part of the pain of leaving has to do with expectations on our part. I look back and remember all the dreams I had for my marriage, all the ideas of what we could be and what the possiblities were. In leaving I have to let go of all of that, and that is painful, and who wants pain! Well, sometimes it does seem easier to just stay put and pretend those are still possiblities. The reality is that with everything I've done nothing has had a true impact. The reality is that he's not lifted a finger and from what his actions say, he wants out (in my case). Anyway, it is painful that is for sure, and I've been doing quite a bit of therapy to get over it. One thing I have to be able to do is to look to new dreams, and new ideas of who I am. I will never give up hope, and I do believe miracles can happen. If that is the miracle of being able to start over, fine. If that is the miracle of my AH actually doing something, fine. Regardless of what happens, I'm not in control and have given that up. HP will let me know what to do. Love that poem blue!
Oh and I LOVE the hunky avatars, I better go find one of my own lol!
Humongous Hugs!
~Faithchaser
Well, we definately have been sharing this rollarcoaster ride! I think part of the pain of leaving has to do with expectations on our part. I look back and remember all the dreams I had for my marriage, all the ideas of what we could be and what the possiblities were. In leaving I have to let go of all of that, and that is painful, and who wants pain! Well, sometimes it does seem easier to just stay put and pretend those are still possiblities. The reality is that with everything I've done nothing has had a true impact. The reality is that he's not lifted a finger and from what his actions say, he wants out (in my case). Anyway, it is painful that is for sure, and I've been doing quite a bit of therapy to get over it. One thing I have to be able to do is to look to new dreams, and new ideas of who I am. I will never give up hope, and I do believe miracles can happen. If that is the miracle of being able to start over, fine. If that is the miracle of my AH actually doing something, fine. Regardless of what happens, I'm not in control and have given that up. HP will let me know what to do. Love that poem blue!
Oh and I LOVE the hunky avatars, I better go find one of my own lol!
Humongous Hugs!
~Faithchaser
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