Beautiful

I need out of this relationship, how long is long enough? My AH travels and has been going to AA (apparently the beginning again class) once a week since last summer. In the last 3 months, he has only gone either once or twice a month when he's home and I know that he doesn't go when he's away on business.

Is that *truly* working the program? He has no sponsor and no counselor.

Thoughts?

ggnewme

Hi Beautiful - I have a similar question. My ABF is doing pretty well not drinking, but he only goes to AA mtgs. 1x a week. Other than that, his sponsor told him to go to 90 mtgs in 90 days, and ABF is flat out ignoring that....?! Anyway, it makes me nervous. I've researched relapse therapy techniques and sent them to him, trying to get him to be more introspective about the whole thing, but I know I'm supposed to be being hands-off anyway, so.... he says it all comes down to Will Power anyway; my belief is that he has the desire to stay sober, but he could be making this a lot easier on himself with the proper support and self-analysis.

JessicaNAJ

I'm married to a man who has been in and out of meetings his entire life. He said he don't need them. But then again, he's not getting better either.

Personally, I think it has to do with their ego. The "I can do anything I want" attitude. Just my opinion (sounds a little negative, don't it.)

queenofthehwy

I feel the same way, but I will know when it's been long enough if I let my HP guide me. I wanted someone to tell me, I wanted someone to say okay let's see you've been with him for 13 years, that's plenty of time LEAVE!!! But only my HP knows that answer, I am just letting him have it and do what he will.

I feel for you, I know how frusterating this is.

Mindi

ahcb

GHi all

If there is one thing that I believe is helpful to ALL alcoholics who are serious about quitting it is the 90 meetings in 90 days. It is a bit of an overload perhaps. However, with that schedule It keeps them around folks who are n the same boat. My Aw has been going to a minumum of 3 mtgs a week ever since she quit.(about 15 0r 16 months)
She also did the 90 in 90 that her counselor wanted done. She says it allowed her to focus on other things rather than just trying not to drink. I would encourage anyone who is attempting to quit to go and do 90 in 90. After that, evaluate. Good luck

nocellphone

Someone told me that the scariest phrase an alcoholic can utter is "I've been thinking...", hence the importance of sponsorship and other sober supports.

History suggests that sobriety run on self-will is usually destined for failure.

minnie

Beautiful

I don't think any of us can judge how many meetings a recovering alcoholic needs for their recovery - it is a personal thing. However, we can see by their actions whether their course of action is working or not. If anyone (A or Codie) is truely in recovery, you will know. It will be obvious.

How long is long enough? Only you can decide. Nothing changes if nothing changes.

Love

Minnie
xxx

harleygirl92156

Your Boyfriend Says "all It Takes Is Will Power"....that It Does. But Will Power Alone Without The Help Of Meetings And A Sponsor Will Get You One Thing In My Opinion.............a "dry Drunk".......be Careful.

Daffodil

Here's a one liner:

Alcoholics go to meeting and don't drink.
Al-Anons go to meeting and don't think.

Heaven help me and those around me when I begin to take someone else's inventory.
After all I am the sober one. Right? I also am the insane one, whose life had become unmanageable because I was trying to live 5 other peoples lives for them.

I know today my H.P. only gave me one life to live and there are no dress-rehearsals. So I'd best keep the focus on me. I NEED a meeting more than ever when I start thinking "Let's see he's only gone to 1 meeting......" The dance will only change when I learn the steps for me. If someone in my life sees me having a good time then maybe, just maybe they'll want to join me. Their H.P. has given them free choice and no one appointed me in charge of anyone but myself.

Thank God for A.A. I turned all my A's over to my H.P. and Bill W. friends a long time ago. If anyone can get though to an A it's going to be another A.
That's why I love Bill's friends so very much and that's why I say over and over, Members of Alcoholics Anonymous are my candles, may the light of their recovery forever shine.

Hope you have a sunbeam smile on you today.