emily33

I have read so many posts, and wrote almost the same exact words that I read at times. When I first joined SR, I thought I was alone, after reading I realized I wasnt alone.

I thought my situation was different, I thought that my relationship would last, and we somehow through everything that has happened we would make it through.

My H's promises of stop drinking, would make everything better. I blamed everything on drinking and so did he. We both had something to blame, so neither one of us would have to look at ourselves.

But something very valuable did come of his decision to not drink for six months. I was ready to give it my all to make our relationship work. we started marriage counseling, we started going to church, we were baptized, I found SR, and started Alanon.

When I started all those things, I was doing this for him, I couldnt fix him so maybe they could, and I would go along and watch the transition happen, and say see I told you, it was you.

But by involving myself in all those different things for HIM, I started getting very interested, and I was retaining alot for myself.

I started looking at my insecurities, problems and things I could change about me, to make me healthier and happier. I realized that my H is not now or ever going to fill my needs in any way, I have to fill them myself. I am in charge of my happiness.

I dont know at what point, but I started to see how much I focused on my h. I now know how much I focused on him that it was my obession, and that was one way I didnt have to look so close at myself and focus on me getting healthier.

What recovery has helped me do, is recognize MOST of the time where my focus is at. I stop and think alot more before I speak to figure out what my intentions are. I see how I get myself worked up and upset, by projecting what might happen, I now know I spent way too much time worrying about him when I should have been worrying about me.

Thank you for letting me share,

Emily

JessicaNAJ

It is such a wonderful feeling when we start noticing the change in us, isn't it??

Way to go....keep growing!!

luv ya Gracey!!

gelfling

Dearest Gracey,

I know what you're feeling and thinking. AT one time, I felt that no one was going through the same hell as I. I was so ashamed of my life, my husband and everything. Until he went into recovery. They showed spouses a film and it was an exact duplicate of my life. I couldnt' believe it. The actors were different but the story was the same.

I've often wished that the internet was available 20 years ago to get the support I've gotten from the people here. The education is something no college can give us.

Reading the posts of other people has made me look at myself and ask if I'm going through the same thing, having the same thougths and feelings. I do, and it still amazes me after 18 years. So much of the gunk has lodged itself in my mind and heart. When I read the posts, I hurt too. But this is good. Because it lets me know my shortcomings and what I need to focus on to get better.

Like you said, focusing on us is most important. We're working on being more mindful. Not allowing our thoughts to get the best of us. It's hard, but when it works, it's like an ice cream cone with sprinkles. A treat.

((((((Gracey))))))))))

queenofthehwy

It really is crazy to look at all the time we have spent trying to fix the A's in our lives, never once thinking hey maybe I need some fixin to. Things really start to become clearer when we look inward and realize we have all these insecurities and that even if we could fix our A's we still wouldn't be happy. I can't believe how much I expected other people to make me happy. I would always say I just want someone to make me happy, now I know that someone has to be ME.

I'm so glad we are all here giving each other support, I am so thankful for those that have came before me and have been such an inspiration to me!

Thanks everyone!!!

Love,
Mindi