Random symptoms...
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Random symptoms...
Every time D drinks, especially two days in a row, he gets ill for days after. He's not drinking a vast amount, 3 - 5 pints at the most but the result is the same.
Normally he is aware it has something to do with drinking, especially on the first day, he's less aware that some of the other stuff might also be because he's drank. The thing is he gets really random symptoms, it can be that he struggles to stay awake for the next couple of days, or that he's hyperactive but very distressed (trying to work through everything at once and getting frustrated with himself).
Sometimes he's just plain odd, and that one scares me the most because his thinking can be all over the place (not just around drink), he can be paranoid that he'll be targetted, at work, in the street, anywhere. When that happens at the same time he's very hyper it's horrible to live with because every one of the things he's obsessed he has to do end up about not being targetted. I do get on with my own stuff through it but I can't help being aware that I'm not sure how in control he is, I do ask him not to drink at least until it's him doing the thinking. He isn't even aware it's happening never mind seeing it as a consequence of booze. After a week or two with no booze it just DOESN'T happen - he might get depressed but not bonkers.
He drank both nights of the weekend - I expected the usual 2-4 days after with him either physically or mentally not ok. But this time his entire neck has seized up, he says it's not to bad with painkillers, that he's just pulled a muscle. However one shoulder is hunched higher than the other, he can't turn his head at all and the only thing that really seemed to help was him relaxing briefly in the evening. I've left him to it with not much in the way of sympathy - he says it's not that bad, fair enough. I'd far rather him look like a android but able to think half straight!!
What I want to ask is if I'm going nuts thinking this has anything to do with drinking? I can't explain how it would unless anxiety and stress brought it on - but as soon as I saw him my first thought was 'Okay this time he's got it in the neck!!'.
Normally he is aware it has something to do with drinking, especially on the first day, he's less aware that some of the other stuff might also be because he's drank. The thing is he gets really random symptoms, it can be that he struggles to stay awake for the next couple of days, or that he's hyperactive but very distressed (trying to work through everything at once and getting frustrated with himself).
Sometimes he's just plain odd, and that one scares me the most because his thinking can be all over the place (not just around drink), he can be paranoid that he'll be targetted, at work, in the street, anywhere. When that happens at the same time he's very hyper it's horrible to live with because every one of the things he's obsessed he has to do end up about not being targetted. I do get on with my own stuff through it but I can't help being aware that I'm not sure how in control he is, I do ask him not to drink at least until it's him doing the thinking. He isn't even aware it's happening never mind seeing it as a consequence of booze. After a week or two with no booze it just DOESN'T happen - he might get depressed but not bonkers.
He drank both nights of the weekend - I expected the usual 2-4 days after with him either physically or mentally not ok. But this time his entire neck has seized up, he says it's not to bad with painkillers, that he's just pulled a muscle. However one shoulder is hunched higher than the other, he can't turn his head at all and the only thing that really seemed to help was him relaxing briefly in the evening. I've left him to it with not much in the way of sympathy - he says it's not that bad, fair enough. I'd far rather him look like a android but able to think half straight!!
What I want to ask is if I'm going nuts thinking this has anything to do with drinking? I can't explain how it would unless anxiety and stress brought it on - but as soon as I saw him my first thought was 'Okay this time he's got it in the neck!!'.
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Originally Posted by equus
The thing is he gets really random symptoms, it can be that he struggles to stay awake for the next couple of days, or that he's hyperactive but very distressed (trying to work through everything at once and getting frustrated with himself).
Sometimes he's just plain odd, and that one scares me the most because his thinking can be all over the place (not just around drink), he can be paranoid that he'll be targetted, at work, in the street, anywhere. When that happens at the same time he's very hyper it's horrible to live with because every one of the things he's obsessed he has to do end up about not being targetted.
Sometimes he's just plain odd, and that one scares me the most because his thinking can be all over the place (not just around drink), he can be paranoid that he'll be targetted, at work, in the street, anywhere. When that happens at the same time he's very hyper it's horrible to live with because every one of the things he's obsessed he has to do end up about not being targetted.
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I’m not that sure about the neck thing either, but it comes in the context that he ALWAYS gets ill and mostly it’s pretty random. Also he does tend to get muscle pain if he’s really anxious. Sometimes I know that a ‘pulled muscle’ in his back will be fine again once we’re home. I go swimming tonight with a mate who’s an experienced nurse – I’m going to ask her.
Of all the things that usually happen this effects me the least – I’m just dying of curiosity.
Of all the things that usually happen this effects me the least – I’m just dying of curiosity.
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Hi equus
My AH had an episode where he went paranoid delusional on dope and alcohol. I found after that (maybe because I recognised the signs) if he started to drink hard liquor or was drinking way too much the paranoia would start to creep back in again, also the sleeping thing and trouble concentrating.
I also found anytime I started to talk of spending time apart from him something happened to his health - neck/back pain, stomach bugs, general illness. I do think it's related to the booze but also maybe a psychological ploy for sympathy and to take the focus away from their actions which they know are wrong.
I think you are doing a good job and keep being detached. If it's serious enough he will go to the Doc. Take care of you for now.
Aud.
My AH had an episode where he went paranoid delusional on dope and alcohol. I found after that (maybe because I recognised the signs) if he started to drink hard liquor or was drinking way too much the paranoia would start to creep back in again, also the sleeping thing and trouble concentrating.
I also found anytime I started to talk of spending time apart from him something happened to his health - neck/back pain, stomach bugs, general illness. I do think it's related to the booze but also maybe a psychological ploy for sympathy and to take the focus away from their actions which they know are wrong.
I think you are doing a good job and keep being detached. If it's serious enough he will go to the Doc. Take care of you for now.
Aud.
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I'm 95% sure it's not a plea for sympathy because he tries to hide it - I watched him walking into the kitchen from outside (dark outside - cutains open), one shoulder was hunched right up and he was as stiff as a board, even the dogs hadn't noticed me coming home so there's no way he would have.
Okay - I'll cut to the chase. He has a history of mental health problems, anxiety, phobias, agoraphobia, severe depression, panic attacks - but has never been diagnosed as psychotic (I do NOT mean violent, psychotic as in losing touch with reality). Sometimes though it's like he's in a state inbetween, you can talk to him, he isn't seeing things but it's as though instead of unhinged everything is just loose.
An example would be when he was leaving his last job. His old bosses had said if he didn't find work he could stay even if they'd replaced him, they gave him a £500 bonus, they took us for a £100 a head meal and paid him 2 extra weeks holiday pay. MEANWHILE he is telling me constantly that they've stopped trusting him, that they're going to ask him to finish early, that they think he'll steal (he's as straighht as a di - he wouldn't steal to save his life), all sorts of stuff. Despite them taking him out to lunch 4 out of 5 days a week he still thought they'd started to see him as a problem. He was also saying they would be justified but his reasoning for that was bonkers!!
I'm not talking about the first effects of drink either, he's often more together on the night but then everything is haywire in the days after. It's as though over the few days after drinking he loses the ability to manage his own head, he's learned to deal with most things really well until he drinks. He does have symptoms inbetween (while not drinking), get him in a crowd or his absolute favourite (sarcasm) a supermarket and he loses it a little but not enough for anyone else to notice - I know he can't reason until he's away from the place but as long as I don't ask him to he's fine. Funnily enough he often gets pain when he's appearing to handle it well.
Years ago I knew nothing about mental health, he was drinking heavily (read drunk) but sometimes he'd try to give it a break, it never lasted more than a few days and when he did try, even without knowing his history (we were just friends), his behaviour was off the wall. He'd work 24, 48 hours through on other peoples stuff for no credit but it was like the most urgent, important deadline in the world. You'd think the sky would fall down if he didn't get the maths right.
I know over the years drinking has messed with his mental health in a big way. I also know he's far more together now than he ever has been. He puts huge effort into making sure he stays okay - even with the drinking I know if he wasn't fighting he'd be plastered every night. But the drinking is his achillies heel, like everything else he's dealt with he wants to learn how to control it - I don't think he ever will be able to.
In the days after a drink he goes into a different place where I honestly don't feel he's in charge. He still goes to work, but I sometimes wonder what he's like when he's there. I don't think he's aware of it but he might be because he's mostly too ashamed to talk about it anyway.
But this time none of that has happened - instead his neck seems to have locked up!! Of course I'm as curious as hell. Part of me wonders whether the effort of controlling himself has a physical effect. There are other reasons why after last weekend he'd have been even more keen to get himself together - he's getting serious about being okay, and I think is looking at the effects of booze more carefully himself.
I know anxiety is a fairly standard symptom of withdrawal + after effect of booze, wheich is why I wondered if anyone has witnessed physical stuff?
Okay - I'll cut to the chase. He has a history of mental health problems, anxiety, phobias, agoraphobia, severe depression, panic attacks - but has never been diagnosed as psychotic (I do NOT mean violent, psychotic as in losing touch with reality). Sometimes though it's like he's in a state inbetween, you can talk to him, he isn't seeing things but it's as though instead of unhinged everything is just loose.
An example would be when he was leaving his last job. His old bosses had said if he didn't find work he could stay even if they'd replaced him, they gave him a £500 bonus, they took us for a £100 a head meal and paid him 2 extra weeks holiday pay. MEANWHILE he is telling me constantly that they've stopped trusting him, that they're going to ask him to finish early, that they think he'll steal (he's as straighht as a di - he wouldn't steal to save his life), all sorts of stuff. Despite them taking him out to lunch 4 out of 5 days a week he still thought they'd started to see him as a problem. He was also saying they would be justified but his reasoning for that was bonkers!!
I'm not talking about the first effects of drink either, he's often more together on the night but then everything is haywire in the days after. It's as though over the few days after drinking he loses the ability to manage his own head, he's learned to deal with most things really well until he drinks. He does have symptoms inbetween (while not drinking), get him in a crowd or his absolute favourite (sarcasm) a supermarket and he loses it a little but not enough for anyone else to notice - I know he can't reason until he's away from the place but as long as I don't ask him to he's fine. Funnily enough he often gets pain when he's appearing to handle it well.
Years ago I knew nothing about mental health, he was drinking heavily (read drunk) but sometimes he'd try to give it a break, it never lasted more than a few days and when he did try, even without knowing his history (we were just friends), his behaviour was off the wall. He'd work 24, 48 hours through on other peoples stuff for no credit but it was like the most urgent, important deadline in the world. You'd think the sky would fall down if he didn't get the maths right.
I know over the years drinking has messed with his mental health in a big way. I also know he's far more together now than he ever has been. He puts huge effort into making sure he stays okay - even with the drinking I know if he wasn't fighting he'd be plastered every night. But the drinking is his achillies heel, like everything else he's dealt with he wants to learn how to control it - I don't think he ever will be able to.
In the days after a drink he goes into a different place where I honestly don't feel he's in charge. He still goes to work, but I sometimes wonder what he's like when he's there. I don't think he's aware of it but he might be because he's mostly too ashamed to talk about it anyway.
But this time none of that has happened - instead his neck seems to have locked up!! Of course I'm as curious as hell. Part of me wonders whether the effort of controlling himself has a physical effect. There are other reasons why after last weekend he'd have been even more keen to get himself together - he's getting serious about being okay, and I think is looking at the effects of booze more carefully himself.
I know anxiety is a fairly standard symptom of withdrawal + after effect of booze, wheich is why I wondered if anyone has witnessed physical stuff?
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Equus
I am very interested in the physical effects of our mental health after a conversation with my counsellor. I grind my teeth and clench my jaw, mainly whilst I am asleep, but often during the day too. I know this is a sign of stress, but my counsellor asked my why I chose teeth-grinding as my "stress-relief". As we talked, a couple of possibilities arose - possibly that I was literally "gritting my teeth" in response to the pressures in my life or that I was unable to talk about what was really going on in my head to those around me, so I was making sure that the words didn't come out. I'm still not sure about this theory, but I am certainly open-minded.
If we were to say that this view has some validity, then it would make sense that D has neck problems if he is trying to control what is going on in his head and this has translated into physical control too.
Also, on the paranoia front, I have read that alcohol damages the frontal lobe of the brain and this is the part that controls emotion and reasoning. This may explain some of this behaviour. (sorry, I can't remember where I read this)
Love
Minnie
xxx
I am very interested in the physical effects of our mental health after a conversation with my counsellor. I grind my teeth and clench my jaw, mainly whilst I am asleep, but often during the day too. I know this is a sign of stress, but my counsellor asked my why I chose teeth-grinding as my "stress-relief". As we talked, a couple of possibilities arose - possibly that I was literally "gritting my teeth" in response to the pressures in my life or that I was unable to talk about what was really going on in my head to those around me, so I was making sure that the words didn't come out. I'm still not sure about this theory, but I am certainly open-minded.
If we were to say that this view has some validity, then it would make sense that D has neck problems if he is trying to control what is going on in his head and this has translated into physical control too.
Also, on the paranoia front, I have read that alcohol damages the frontal lobe of the brain and this is the part that controls emotion and reasoning. This may explain some of this behaviour. (sorry, I can't remember where I read this)
Love
Minnie
xxx
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Also, on the paranoia front, I have read that alcohol damages the frontal lobe of the brain and this is the part that controls emotion and reasoning. This may explain some of this behaviour. (sorry, I can't remember where I read this)
It matters to me to understand some of this stuff, like knowing he doesn't pick stuff up helps me to just tell him what I want him to know and dettach from taking it personally that he doesn't see it. His response is the most important thing.
I can't change it but understanding is much needed. Just as with alcoholism alone it helps to know that it is disease - in his case it all interplays.
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I believe that a lot of addicts and those with mental health problems simply don't know how to feel and process emotions, nor do they have a strong sense of self with appropriate boundaries. The fact that D asks you what you're thinking and is checking how you are all the time - do you think that he is trying to "borrow" your thoughts and feelings?
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The fact that D asks you what you're thinking and is checking how you are all the time - do you think that he is trying to "borrow" your thoughts and feelings?
He calls himself a 'numb bugger' and gets frustrated at missing stuff. I might say 'It's okay, you didn't know' but he'll say he should do.
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^^^ Actually there's one hell of an upside to this. He doesn't second guess me, he just asks. If it's not something I want to share (re what I'm thinking) I just tell him that and he backs off but mostly I answer honestly and he believes me so it saves a hell of a lot of confusion. It's quite nice to be able to say 'I'm not angry' without someone thinking you really mean you are!!
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Well this is ironic! My AH just called me at work and told me that he is thinking about getting another job because his is becomming too overwelming! He said they are pileing all kinds of things on him. And that he is so stressed out! Said he wants to "snuggle" tonight because he need some "TLC". I'm starting to feel like a "mommy"!
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I suppose what stops me from feeling like I play any kind of mother role is that I think he kicks ass!!! There are plenty of people in his shoes that would have just given up - he has come close but also come back fighting it.
It is very real but the brain isn't a sacred organ it's neither more or less likely to go wrong than any other. If the stigma wasn't there around alcoholism and mental health he'd be the kind of guy featured on the news for cycling to work regardless of having no legs!!
He brings home a good wage and gets plenty of respect at work for his abilities. He got this job without being asked a single question at interview and there was no vacancy!! They had however spoken to his last employers.
He can find some very simple things hard but Oh Wow you should see him working with the hard things he finds simple.
His workplace gave him two weeks to teach himself how to design printed circuit boards (the green things in computers), he taught himself and had the first one off for prototyping in 3 days!!
I suppose that's why I don't feel like his Mum - I'm bloody proud to be his wife.
It is very real but the brain isn't a sacred organ it's neither more or less likely to go wrong than any other. If the stigma wasn't there around alcoholism and mental health he'd be the kind of guy featured on the news for cycling to work regardless of having no legs!!
He brings home a good wage and gets plenty of respect at work for his abilities. He got this job without being asked a single question at interview and there was no vacancy!! They had however spoken to his last employers.
He can find some very simple things hard but Oh Wow you should see him working with the hard things he finds simple.
His workplace gave him two weeks to teach himself how to design printed circuit boards (the green things in computers), he taught himself and had the first one off for prototyping in 3 days!!
I suppose that's why I don't feel like his Mum - I'm bloody proud to be his wife.
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equus - you are just one knowledge hungry little person! could be like minne said that its a physical manifestation of something else going on. with his background it's hard to say without being an expert.
minnie - thanks for the insight from your counselor - i tend to clench my teeth also and the analogy about possibly being unable to talk about what was in your head. wow what a revelation - sounds like me to a tee! thanks for sharing!
cup - i know the "mommy" feeling and i don't like it but probably perpetuated it to some extent.
minnie - thanks for the insight from your counselor - i tend to clench my teeth also and the analogy about possibly being unable to talk about what was in your head. wow what a revelation - sounds like me to a tee! thanks for sharing!
cup - i know the "mommy" feeling and i don't like it but probably perpetuated it to some extent.
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equus - you are just one knowledge hungry little person!
It may be different circumstances but underneath I'm here doing the same and wanting the same as everyone else. I want to learn and not feel totally alone with my reality. I want to be able to help where I can too.
I'm trying to 'get out' what is my reality - the full reality not just half of it.
Meanwhile I know I must be the biggest pain in the ass round these parts and I am grateful to everyone here who takes the time to put up with me.
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Thanks cwohio - I feel like a pain lots.
It isn't like I've gone through life without noticing I'm as pedantic as hell, longwinded, and far too argumentative. Half the time when I argue I want a response, I WANT THE EXTRA INFORMATION - I want the other person to come back with new stuff - then I read it so carefully I end up back in the same loop of being pedantic and long winded.
I'm going to stop now before I end up reinforcing my own longwinded point.
It isn't like I've gone through life without noticing I'm as pedantic as hell, longwinded, and far too argumentative. Half the time when I argue I want a response, I WANT THE EXTRA INFORMATION - I want the other person to come back with new stuff - then I read it so carefully I end up back in the same loop of being pedantic and long winded.
I'm going to stop now before I end up reinforcing my own longwinded point.
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Well I spoke to my nursey mate and she knew exactly what it was!! She works in a walk in centre refering 30+ people a day to the treatment they need so she's hot to trot!!
It's 'torticollis' - she said probably caused by sleeping in an odd position BUT she knows there are other causes involving brain chemicals so she didn't think I was bonkers! She said there was often no way of knowing exact causes but to pay attention to what happens after he drinks, not to write it off as my imagination or to jump to conclusions - just watch. She did tell me that it's supposed to be agony with a neck muscle shortened by a full spasm.
I told D what she'd said about his neck when I got home. I think it melted the tough guy impression a bit, it was a little bit better but he has been in extreme pain.
He respects our friend's knowledge (it's hard not to!) but I find it sad he needed her to validate that it's agony before he could open up a little and stop saying he'd just 'tweaked something'.
I think we have one long road in front of us!
It's 'torticollis' - she said probably caused by sleeping in an odd position BUT she knows there are other causes involving brain chemicals so she didn't think I was bonkers! She said there was often no way of knowing exact causes but to pay attention to what happens after he drinks, not to write it off as my imagination or to jump to conclusions - just watch. She did tell me that it's supposed to be agony with a neck muscle shortened by a full spasm.
I told D what she'd said about his neck when I got home. I think it melted the tough guy impression a bit, it was a little bit better but he has been in extreme pain.
He respects our friend's knowledge (it's hard not to!) but I find it sad he needed her to validate that it's agony before he could open up a little and stop saying he'd just 'tweaked something'.
I think we have one long road in front of us!
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I would agree if it was a cramp. Once I'd told her his shoulder was pulled up she described the rest to me, including when it started (first thing in the morning) muscles that are enlarged, his posture down to the slight twist to one side, his movement, beasically everything - she definately knew what it was.
I don't know how similar it is to cramp but basically a muscle down the side of his neck has been shortened by going into spasm - all the other muscles get involved trying to support his posture as the one muscle twists his head and pullls it down to one side, the shoulder comes up because naturally we try to keep our head straight.
Because it started in the morning rather than after an injury it's less likely to be risky in the long term. He's not on any pills but it is a known side effect of anti-psychosis medication, which was why she said brain chemicals may be involved. It had already began to ease when I spoke to her but she was very strict that if it got worse again or lasted more than a week in total he'd have to seek treatment.
I know one thing and that's that she's one hell of a lucky friend to have. I've seen first hand the respect she gets at work (she came with me when I had an evultion fracture on my thumb!!) - it was so funny to see the attending doctor check with my best buddy his reading of the x-ray!!
Anyway as near as it gets that's the mystery of the neck solved!!
I don't know how similar it is to cramp but basically a muscle down the side of his neck has been shortened by going into spasm - all the other muscles get involved trying to support his posture as the one muscle twists his head and pullls it down to one side, the shoulder comes up because naturally we try to keep our head straight.
Because it started in the morning rather than after an injury it's less likely to be risky in the long term. He's not on any pills but it is a known side effect of anti-psychosis medication, which was why she said brain chemicals may be involved. It had already began to ease when I spoke to her but she was very strict that if it got worse again or lasted more than a week in total he'd have to seek treatment.
I know one thing and that's that she's one hell of a lucky friend to have. I've seen first hand the respect she gets at work (she came with me when I had an evultion fracture on my thumb!!) - it was so funny to see the attending doctor check with my best buddy his reading of the x-ray!!
Anyway as near as it gets that's the mystery of the neck solved!!
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