Did I create my own drama?
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Join Date: Sep 2004
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Did I create my own drama?
It just occurred to me that I totally made something out of nothing. This whole "sign" thing. I was serious about what I was feeling and processing in my mind, but I think I made a bigger deal out of it than it actually was. I had to tell everyone in my path about it (well, almost everyone). Why? What was the point? So I could get validation or because I'm so use to the drama that I just had to.
Anyway, I'm straight. No more cobwebs in my head.
Watch and wait (thanks JT) and listen.... that is my new moto.
I'm putting this issue to rest. I have to be quiet if I'm going to hear everything that is meant to be heard.
One more lesson learned about myself
I have to learn to let go of the drama. It's a good day when I learn something new.
Anyway, I'm straight. No more cobwebs in my head.
Watch and wait (thanks JT) and listen.... that is my new moto.
I'm putting this issue to rest. I have to be quiet if I'm going to hear everything that is meant to be heard.
One more lesson learned about myself
I have to learn to let go of the drama. It's a good day when I learn something new.
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I wanted to add to this to vent a little bit....
I'm taking out an equity loan to consolidate some debt and lower my monthly expenses. I did not want my AH to know about his b/c I didn't want him thinking he's going to get money from me.
As it turns out, since I have this house and since we're married - although he has no rights to this house - he has to sign his dougherty (sp) rights. So he has to go with me tomorrow when I sign the papers.
I'm a little irked by this..... Thanks for the vent.
I'm taking out an equity loan to consolidate some debt and lower my monthly expenses. I did not want my AH to know about his b/c I didn't want him thinking he's going to get money from me.
As it turns out, since I have this house and since we're married - although he has no rights to this house - he has to sign his dougherty (sp) rights. So he has to go with me tomorrow when I sign the papers.
I'm a little irked by this..... Thanks for the vent.
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Just an update....
He was late today picking up the kids. I panicked a little because I was running late. But I wasn't mad b/c he wasn't there - if he shows he shows....I can't count on it. He called at 7:10 to say he was on his way. I would have had to leave at 7:15.
Anyway, I told him to be sure he was at my house by 1:40 this afternoon so we can make it to the appointment for the equity loan on time.
He said, "You might want to call me."
I told him, "No, I'm not calling you. Why would you need me to call you?"
He's a big boy, he knows what time to meet me, why should I call him, right? I'm putting this is my HP's hands (I hope he's there). The old me would normally be checking and calling to make sure he's going to be where he say's he going to be and then calling when I'm on my way to make sure he is. I hate it that he has to be involved in this......
Myselfagain - I don't have his name on ANY of my accounts. But thanks for the tip! I think I'll have him leave the room when I get the check.
He was late today picking up the kids. I panicked a little because I was running late. But I wasn't mad b/c he wasn't there - if he shows he shows....I can't count on it. He called at 7:10 to say he was on his way. I would have had to leave at 7:15.
Anyway, I told him to be sure he was at my house by 1:40 this afternoon so we can make it to the appointment for the equity loan on time.
He said, "You might want to call me."
I told him, "No, I'm not calling you. Why would you need me to call you?"
He's a big boy, he knows what time to meet me, why should I call him, right? I'm putting this is my HP's hands (I hope he's there). The old me would normally be checking and calling to make sure he's going to be where he say's he going to be and then calling when I'm on my way to make sure he is. I hate it that he has to be involved in this......
Myselfagain - I don't have his name on ANY of my accounts. But thanks for the tip! I think I'll have him leave the room when I get the check.
Last edited by JessicaNAJ; 03-18-2005 at 08:02 AM.
Acting not reacting
Join Date: Jun 2004
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What a beat down they can be sometmes huh? Sounds like you are doing well though Good job! I think its hysterical that he suggested you call and reind him/...my ex did that about everything...its like, no I will not re-inforce that acting like a irresponsible child is ok with me!! And I have heard it said before, but they remember to get to the LQ don't they?
Good job! I think its hysterical that he suggested you call and reind him/...my ex did that about everything...its like, no I will not re-inforce that acting like a irresponsible child is ok with me!! And I have heard it said before, but they remember to get to the LQ don't they?
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
I love a good drama. Especially if I'm playing the part of lead actress...
Signs--I'm watching life play out with my brother/sister in law. He had a stroke 8 years ago. Paralyzed on right side. Uses his wife as a crutch. Verbally abusive and we feel he is bi-polar and never diagnosed. 3 years ago, he had an aneurysm. Looses more ability to get around. Both of his wifes' knee caps have blown out from holding him up. She got up 2-3 times nightly...she's 77...to take him to bathroom. Started messing himself and he's yelling and cussing at her to clean him up. Can hardly stand up by himself at all. And get this....he went and got his license renewed. And they gave it to him because he knew the girl giving the tests and renewals. She needs to get her ass kicked, don't you think.
Anyway, through out it all, wife is praying for a sign from God. She hates the abuse and is getting weary taking care of him. He won't help himself at all. He falls a lot and it's up to her to try and pick him up or get a neighbor to help if she can't get in touch with her kids. She's happy to be able to help him, but the gratitude from him will never come. She's still praying and wondering how much longer she can do it.
Last week, he's rushed to the hospital with a suspected stroke. It wasn't. A horrible bladder infection that totally wiped him out and he couldn't even stand up. Wife is feeding him each meal. Gets there before breakfast and leaves after dinner. He now refuses to feed himself. Wife admits she can't take care of him anymore. On the advice of their doctor, son finds a nursing home. Wife and husband talk, concerned over money and how she'll manage to live without his financial help.
He gets a little therapy, and he's able to stand up with the help of 2-3 people. Has since been moved to nursing home and is swearing he's going home. Will not stay there and wife who had been resigned to the idea (in a happy sort of way) decides he can't stay there either. Willing to take care of him if he returns the point prior to this infection. Claims she doesn't mind. Looking for sign from God and saying He will let her know what to do.
So, the first stroke was sign #1...put his sorry butt in a nursing home...Nope, she's a saint and old school - until death due us part. Has aneurysm surgery. He's worse off and continually goes downhill physically and of course, the mind has been affected and along with his dry-drunk attitude and possible mental problems. Sign #2 has been bypassed. Sign #3....this infection and she still talks of finding a sign from God.
So, what kind of sign are we looking for? A flashing neon light about 15 high that says, Hey______, this is God....this is what you're supposed to do.
Answers come in different packages. Following our gut is one of them. Following our hearts usually gets us in trouble.
Sit back, be quiet and you'll get your sign.
Signs--I'm watching life play out with my brother/sister in law. He had a stroke 8 years ago. Paralyzed on right side. Uses his wife as a crutch. Verbally abusive and we feel he is bi-polar and never diagnosed. 3 years ago, he had an aneurysm. Looses more ability to get around. Both of his wifes' knee caps have blown out from holding him up. She got up 2-3 times nightly...she's 77...to take him to bathroom. Started messing himself and he's yelling and cussing at her to clean him up. Can hardly stand up by himself at all. And get this....he went and got his license renewed. And they gave it to him because he knew the girl giving the tests and renewals. She needs to get her ass kicked, don't you think.
Anyway, through out it all, wife is praying for a sign from God. She hates the abuse and is getting weary taking care of him. He won't help himself at all. He falls a lot and it's up to her to try and pick him up or get a neighbor to help if she can't get in touch with her kids. She's happy to be able to help him, but the gratitude from him will never come. She's still praying and wondering how much longer she can do it.
Last week, he's rushed to the hospital with a suspected stroke. It wasn't. A horrible bladder infection that totally wiped him out and he couldn't even stand up. Wife is feeding him each meal. Gets there before breakfast and leaves after dinner. He now refuses to feed himself. Wife admits she can't take care of him anymore. On the advice of their doctor, son finds a nursing home. Wife and husband talk, concerned over money and how she'll manage to live without his financial help.
He gets a little therapy, and he's able to stand up with the help of 2-3 people. Has since been moved to nursing home and is swearing he's going home. Will not stay there and wife who had been resigned to the idea (in a happy sort of way) decides he can't stay there either. Willing to take care of him if he returns the point prior to this infection. Claims she doesn't mind. Looking for sign from God and saying He will let her know what to do.
So, the first stroke was sign #1...put his sorry butt in a nursing home...Nope, she's a saint and old school - until death due us part. Has aneurysm surgery. He's worse off and continually goes downhill physically and of course, the mind has been affected and along with his dry-drunk attitude and possible mental problems. Sign #2 has been bypassed. Sign #3....this infection and she still talks of finding a sign from God.
So, what kind of sign are we looking for? A flashing neon light about 15 high that says, Hey______, this is God....this is what you're supposed to do.
Answers come in different packages. Following our gut is one of them. Following our hearts usually gets us in trouble.
Sit back, be quiet and you'll get your sign.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Yeah, I agree. I too could use that big old sign with the red flashing arrows pointing to my message. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in finding a solution that I just overlook the answer.
I'm in so much pain for my sister-in-law...she's such a beautiful soul. If given the opportunity to pick my mother, she would have been the one.
It wasn't until last night that I connected the dots with the whole thing. And realized that she's walking in our shoes. Fear, rejection and worry about the unknown. I detached and it hurts because she calls me a lot. Now, my responses will be, uh huh...yep, that's fine...do what you have to do... I've got to keep my mouth shut. And that's a toughie.
I'm grateful that I've had all of you here sharing your stories to know what I had to do. Without the education I've gotten here, I wouldn't be able to detach. I will now, but with a heavy heart.
Blessings.
I'm in so much pain for my sister-in-law...she's such a beautiful soul. If given the opportunity to pick my mother, she would have been the one.
It wasn't until last night that I connected the dots with the whole thing. And realized that she's walking in our shoes. Fear, rejection and worry about the unknown. I detached and it hurts because she calls me a lot. Now, my responses will be, uh huh...yep, that's fine...do what you have to do... I've got to keep my mouth shut. And that's a toughie.
I'm grateful that I've had all of you here sharing your stories to know what I had to do. Without the education I've gotten here, I wouldn't be able to detach. I will now, but with a heavy heart.
Blessings.
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Kathy - I'm really sorry about your sister in law.
I got your message about signs. I understand. Thank you.
BTW - Although my husband is not on the deed or loan, it turns out that he has just as much right to this house as I do. I am so pissed. I worked my a$$ to get this house and now they're saying it's part his. I told him I was pissed and believe me, I'm looking for an answer b/c I was under the impression he signed he rights away when I bought this house.
I got your message about signs. I understand. Thank you.
BTW - Although my husband is not on the deed or loan, it turns out that he has just as much right to this house as I do. I am so pissed. I worked my a$$ to get this house and now they're saying it's part his. I told him I was pissed and believe me, I'm looking for an answer b/c I was under the impression he signed he rights away when I bought this house.
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WELL - there it is, black and white. How could i have overlooked that one detail? Guess it wasn't a big deal when I got the house b/c we were still living together and I was still in my fog.
The loan is in my name, the deed is in my name, but the mortgage is in both our names. SO I'm paying for all of it, and it's part his!! There is something wrong with this picture. The only way to get him off of it totally is divorce. I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet (as dumb as that may sound).
I'm not going to tell him though - that would be catastrophic.
ARGGGGGHHHHH!!!!
So, now I'm back to square one. If he's in a crash and hurts or kills someone, can they come after the house. Guess I'll be calling some attorneys on monday to find the answers.
The loan is in my name, the deed is in my name, but the mortgage is in both our names. SO I'm paying for all of it, and it's part his!! There is something wrong with this picture. The only way to get him off of it totally is divorce. I don't think I'm quite ready for that yet (as dumb as that may sound).
I'm not going to tell him though - that would be catastrophic.
ARGGGGGHHHHH!!!!
So, now I'm back to square one. If he's in a crash and hurts or kills someone, can they come after the house. Guess I'll be calling some attorneys on monday to find the answers.
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Unfortunately, anything with both your names, eventhough you're paying is still legally half.
As the instance with my SIL, all of his retirement would go to pay for the nursing home and should that not be enough, they will go after his wife to pay. Really does suck.
I hope you're able to get more information on all of this. Especially since you've been paying for everything.
Blessings
As the instance with my SIL, all of his retirement would go to pay for the nursing home and should that not be enough, they will go after his wife to pay. Really does suck.
I hope you're able to get more information on all of this. Especially since you've been paying for everything.
Blessings
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