Is this grieving?
 

Strange question I know but today I saw my husband. He came by to visit the kids and before he came I could feel my anxiety levels rising. When he arrived he walked straight in, sat on the sofa and said hello to the dog! He hadnt been drinking but I sat and looked at him and was overwhelmed by a feeling of loss. I had to lock myself in the bathroom so the kids didnt see me crying. I feel I have been doing that a lot the past couple of days-crying. I have been strong and smiled through so much for the kids sake but I now feel I have no control over my emotions. It feels as though I am grieving for someone. I look at my husband and know I have lost the man I married. The man I loved so dearly, the man I shared so much with and the man I chose to be my kids father. It is such a gutt wrenching feeling of loss. I tell myself that I will feel better another day and to just go with it and feel what I feel for each day. Maybe it is a sort of grieving process, I dont know, I feel so confused sometimes. Has anyone else felt this too? xpinkyx

Pinky, once again, you could be telling my story. I felt that exact same way when I first started coming here, and a friend shared that it sounded like I was grieving. Grieving the man that had become lost, grieving the marriage that could have been so beautiful, etc. All I can say is it will get better. Grieving is a process, and each of us experience it in various stages and in various lengths of time. I hope that is just a little comfort knowing you are feeling normal feelings and it will get better.

Pinky - you are not alone. I still get that anxiety feeling when my AH comes by. I fake like it don't bother me, but it does.

Wray is right, though. It does get better. Sometimes we have to let go so we can grow. No one knows what the future holds.