My NIGHTMARE of a week...
 

Hi everyone,
I had to check in and see how everyone was doing. I thought I would update u on MY life too.
After he found out he had a spot in the treatment center he was waiting for, my hubby proceeded to do as much drinking and drugging as possible in the last week. I think in a sense he thought "it's now or never". In a way I soooo don't understand this. For someone who really wants to recover and rid himself of this horrible life he was leading, this was about the worst damage he could have done - to me and to himself. And get this... he called me when he got into the town where this center was, to let me know all was well. He told me he was heading out for something to eat and then to bed because they wanted him there a t 7am the next day. So what does he do??? He heads to the nearest bar, gets loaded and finds his drugs! A big part of me thinks that he is only doing this to please me and his family. I mean does it really sound like he WANTS recovery? And then the part of me that knows him so well, reminds me of all the depression he's been thru in the last little while. I watched him hit bottom many times, and with tears in his eyes he starts going back to counselling and back to his meetings - until the addict in him takes over again. I KNOW in my heart how much he wants to be whole and happy, and to be a great father to his kids. It makes me cry to think that I can never "help" him get there. I think that maybe he wouldn't have told me about how he went out on the night before his admission to treatment, if he didn't want to open and honest about everything. I just hope he has the courage and determination (and self-love) to get what he needs from this center. The hardest part for me, is knowing that it is completely out of my control... but in a sense, I suppose that is a blessing also.
And ME? It has been only 2 days since he left and the lonliness has not creeped in YET. I am keeping myself very busy, running the business in his absense and chasing after my kids etc. But soon, School will begin and life will get back to it's "normal" pace. Thats when I know I will begin to feel alone; alone and powerless - GREAT. I hope that I can get to meetings and focus on my recovery enough, to allow me to not lose my sanity. I have many goals for where I want to be... I hope I can reach them.
Thanks for listening guys,
Much love,
Meg

Meg,

It's so frustrating to watch those we love harm themselves. You just never know when the miracle will come. Maybe something they read or something they hear someone say or when their misery gets worse than the reward they get from using.

There is a lot of hope for you because you want recovery for yourself. You will find your way. Please come and hang out with us when you're lonely.

Hugs,
MG

Meg

I'm glad to hear you will be working on your recovery while he is gone. Your recovery is what will keep you balanced and strong through all this and I know for me, it saved my life.

I am surprised they let him in without detoxing first. Hopefully he will find more tools here that will help him when the program is over. The real recovery starts after the program when they have to make decisions for themselves.

My prayers are with you. And we are all here for you every inch of the way.

Hiya Meg!

There's no way to get inside another person's head. You could read insincerity, fear, desperation, contempt.... oh, just lots of things into his behavior. But once again, the trick to your recovery is to not get hung up in his. Wish him well and hope for the best, but don't try to figure it out. It'll just make you tired.

Enjoy the time you have to put your own house in order while he's gone.

Hugs!
Smoke

Dear Meg..........
I have never had an A that was even sorry or wanted help...I am now divorcing #2. It must be terrible to go through that...and if you still care even worse. Keep yourself busy with the kids, they can be your best support. Mine were...this time they are all grown and gone:(
Love Kitty