hi, im new at this..
pinky
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: scarborough england
Posts: 6
hi, im new at this..
Hello everyone. I have spent the past few hours searching the net, trying to find a support group for families of alcoholics. I came across this and have read through several of your posts. For the first time in weeks I have just sobbed my heart out. Because your "stories" are such an image of my own and i know I have found others with the same mixed emotions as my own. I can finally relate to someone and have someone understand my feelings. So I hope I can "join in" with you all and offer and hopefully receive support.
I am new to this message posting and am not really sure how to go about things. Do you usually start by introducing yourself and explaining your situation.....cos I could do with offloading my problems! Or is it a more gradual thing? If someone could let me know I would really appreciate it. Thanks
I am new to this message posting and am not really sure how to go about things. Do you usually start by introducing yourself and explaining your situation.....cos I could do with offloading my problems! Or is it a more gradual thing? If someone could let me know I would really appreciate it. Thanks
Caring for the 3 little bears
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Oz
Posts: 509
Feel free to share whatever you are comfortable with.
Once you share your story, you will find others in similar situation and they will respond... with kids, without kids, spouse is the addict, child is the addict, etc.
The other thing you can do is read the "sticky" notes that appear at the top of this page. Read about codependcy, enabling, etc.
Eventually you will develop relationships with people who understand and don't judge you.
We try to share our experiences. One person may "get" something from a particular part of a post, another person may "get" something else from the same post, and some may not get anything. But if you stay connected, I think you will find some support. As we are all in different, yet similar situations, and as you know, life with an addict can change our feelings every minute.
My addict is my husband. We have been married 16 years and have two children ages 8 and 5. He used to drink all the time. Then 8 years ago, slowed down and became a binge drinker, where he would drink every few months, but drink for one to two weeks non stop. Our lives would "fall apart" - I have learned over the years that MY life doesn't have to fall apart. I am in control of my life, and I have absolutely no control over his life and/or his drinking.
I went through a phase where I thought if he loved me, if he loved the kids, he would stop. Now I know it isn't about love. It is about addiction. And there isn't a darn thing I can do about that, so I had to learn how to live my life regardless of what he was doing.
I could write a book, but don't want to bore you to death!
Anyway, when you feel comfortable, just start sharing. People will read, and if they feel they have something to share, they will. Don't be offended if you don't get a bunch of replies, some people just don't know what to say or don't feel like they can offer any support regarding that particular situation.
Peace!
Once you share your story, you will find others in similar situation and they will respond... with kids, without kids, spouse is the addict, child is the addict, etc.
The other thing you can do is read the "sticky" notes that appear at the top of this page. Read about codependcy, enabling, etc.
Eventually you will develop relationships with people who understand and don't judge you.
We try to share our experiences. One person may "get" something from a particular part of a post, another person may "get" something else from the same post, and some may not get anything. But if you stay connected, I think you will find some support. As we are all in different, yet similar situations, and as you know, life with an addict can change our feelings every minute.
My addict is my husband. We have been married 16 years and have two children ages 8 and 5. He used to drink all the time. Then 8 years ago, slowed down and became a binge drinker, where he would drink every few months, but drink for one to two weeks non stop. Our lives would "fall apart" - I have learned over the years that MY life doesn't have to fall apart. I am in control of my life, and I have absolutely no control over his life and/or his drinking.
I went through a phase where I thought if he loved me, if he loved the kids, he would stop. Now I know it isn't about love. It is about addiction. And there isn't a darn thing I can do about that, so I had to learn how to live my life regardless of what he was doing.
I could write a book, but don't want to bore you to death!
Anyway, when you feel comfortable, just start sharing. People will read, and if they feel they have something to share, they will. Don't be offended if you don't get a bunch of replies, some people just don't know what to say or don't feel like they can offer any support regarding that particular situation.
Peace!
Wipe your paws elsewhere!
Join Date: Dec 2004
Posts: 3,672
Welcome to SoberRecovery, Pinky. And allow me to revise JT's phrase just a bit (to suit my needs, of course):
Welcome to SoberRecovery, where the coffee is always hot and the ice cream is always cold. Boy, I would love a bowl tonight, but the freezer's bare.
Welcome to SoberRecovery, where the coffee is always hot and the ice cream is always cold. Boy, I would love a bowl tonight, but the freezer's bare.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2004
Location: a state of unrest
Posts: 383
Pinky Welcome!!!! Offload away!!! Were all here for you, even if someone doesn't reply to something, it's not because we don't care, a lot of the times I know I'm at a loss for words or can't relate to that particular problem. Just know that you will always have a place to share and that you will not be judged.
(((((hugs)))))
(((((hugs)))))
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Pinky! Welcome to SR from a fellow Yorkshire woman! In fact, I am moving back home today after 7 long years away.
You have found a great place here - the support you'll receive is second only to face to face al-anon meetings.
Check ou the "sticky" or "power" posts at the top of the forum and also on the nar-anon forum. Get hold of a copy of the book "Co-dependent no more" by Melody Beattie. And give the al-anon number a call (google al-anon uk) and see if there are any meetings near you. I know there is one in York, but not sure if there's one closer to you.
And keep coming back. Share as much or as little as you like. I know that the more I shared, the more support I received and the quicker I learnt how to deal with my situation.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Love
Minnie
xxx
You have found a great place here - the support you'll receive is second only to face to face al-anon meetings.
Check ou the "sticky" or "power" posts at the top of the forum and also on the nar-anon forum. Get hold of a copy of the book "Co-dependent no more" by Melody Beattie. And give the al-anon number a call (google al-anon uk) and see if there are any meetings near you. I know there is one in York, but not sure if there's one closer to you.
And keep coming back. Share as much or as little as you like. I know that the more I shared, the more support I received and the quicker I learnt how to deal with my situation.
Looking forward to getting to know you.
Love
Minnie
xxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: DC Metro area
Posts: 22
Hello
Welcome. I am pretty new as well and I read the posts nearly everyday. I can tell you that the posts are so insightful and there is alot of support here.
My spouse is the addict and we have 3 kids. We've been together our entire adult life but have only been married 7 years.
My spouse is the addict and we have 3 kids. We've been together our entire adult life but have only been married 7 years.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: surrey uk
Posts: 22
Hi there and welcome too,
If its any help I have only joined ( last week) an already it has been a massive help. Meetings near me are few and far between (alanon) and this has fast become a lifeline share when you feel relaxed about it, everyone is here to help and support..
of course I think I am the world worst typer so it takes me ages to write stuff down!
remeber your not alone!
If its any help I have only joined ( last week) an already it has been a massive help. Meetings near me are few and far between (alanon) and this has fast become a lifeline share when you feel relaxed about it, everyone is here to help and support..
of course I think I am the world worst typer so it takes me ages to write stuff down!
remeber your not alone!
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