Major Breakthrough

Old 03-10-2005, 06:09 PM
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Major Breakthrough

My AB and I got into an argument over the weekend and I finally told him everything that I was feeling and needed to get out to him.

He didn't realize how much the lying/drinking was hurting us and me. I've gone from being so supportive and encouraging to telling him straight out how I feel.

I told him that I had had it. I couldn't go on with the lies. That I would support his recovery, but not when he lies about his drinking to me. I know, from being a drinker in my past (sober 11 yrs), that lies go with the booze.
But, I can handle him telling me "yes, I did drink" better than I can hearing "no, I didn't".

He, for more than 10 yrs now, has hid the fact that his drinking was a major problem from not only himself, but his family. He didn't want to admit it. He wanted everybody to think that he was "fine and doing well" despite the fact that he lost his ex wife and 3 daughters and kept getting in trouble with the law. He always made excuses and blamed it all on everything/anything else.

Yesterday, on his own accord and decision, he went to his family and broke down and told them that he was indeed an alcoholic. His parents were shocked. They didn't understand, but by the time the night was over, AB had told them everything. His whole heart and the whole truth about his drinking and how far it had come. When he drank, why he drank, how he hides it........etc. For thee very first time,.......he felt two things:

1) Totally being vulnerable and exposed
2) having a huge burden lifted from his shoulders.

They all were crying and hugging and it was a very emotional time for them all, but the truth is finally out and now they can work on this, as a family, together.

I'm so proud of my AB. That took some major courage to do. Something he could never do before. He still has a long road ahead, but he's starting to really think about the consquences that drinking has cost him and what he can handle and what he can't. He also turned down a promotion at work today because he knew that it would be added stress and at this time, he knew that that would hinder his recovery. He knows there will be more promotions in the future, but that for now.....he needs to work on his recovery.

So, this is a big step for him. They've been coming slowly and sometimes, he relapses. But, it seems like he's making alot more progress than not. And, the drug he is on, canpral, is starting to work for his craving of the alcohol. He's been on it for about 3 weeks now.

So, the last couple of days, there has been alot of Hope. And, we're hanging onto that SO tightly.
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Old 03-10-2005, 06:50 PM
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((girlfriend))) good luck
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Old 03-10-2005, 06:58 PM
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I'm at a loss for words.
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Old 03-11-2005, 05:00 AM
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Wow! That is a break-thru!
Congrats to both of you! It is so nice to hear good news!
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Old 03-11-2005, 05:32 AM
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It took me a long time to realize that alcoholics have lost the power of choice to drink. I am an ex drinker. I decided to quit and I did. Reading about, and understanding alcoholism has helped me to understand that the simple desire to quit isn't enough for an alcoholic. There are neccessary changes that they have to be willing to make, or they will be driven to drink again. Once they begin drinking, they develop a thing called the phenomenon of craving.

Not being an alcoholic, I never experienced that and didn't know what it was. I could drink when I wanted, stop when I wanted, and decide how much I wanted. An alcoholic can't. They can never be sure when they will get drunk. Something in their brain kicks in when they drink that creates a compulsion, a thought which overcomes all thoughts, to continue regardless of the consequences. It is an illness.

Reading AA literature helped me to understand alcoholism and recovery from that illness. Though AA has been very successful in helping alcoholics to recover, and overcome their desire to drink again, it isn't the only method. But help is neccessary. Fighting an illness with will power doesn't work very well. Try fighting the flu with will power.

Realizing that I don't have the disease, and the alcoholics in my life do, has helped me to know that they can't handle their drinking in the way that I can. They need help from people who have successfully recovered from the disease. The good news is that I can practice the same form of recovery in my own life, and thus encourage it in those around me. But I can't force them to want something if they don't. Hugs, Magic
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Old 03-11-2005, 01:43 PM
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Thank you all so much!!! I'm starting to breathe a little better now and holding onto this Hope.

I love you and love your support!
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