Pinch me to see if I am awake
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Pinch me to see if I am awake
If I wasn't so stressed out over my job and running a house hold with 3 kids, I would think I was dreaming. I think maybe it is the calm before the storm? My A has really been "good" for a while now. No out of control binges. What is up? He didn't get help, he didn't really DO anything other than cutting out the local bar. Could I have been wrong? Here I go again. I have been sooooo busy minding my own self, that I have begun to believe that things are OK.
SOMEBODY STOP ME. I can't just give in to the feeling of security that I have right now. I know in my heart that the binge is out there lurking, waiting for the worst possible moment to arrive. I HATE FEELING like this. He is a good man with bad habits.
Maybe I am just too over stressed to be strong and today is just a backslide day. I teach 3 year olds (which is challenging enough) and it is supposed to be for half a day, well I have been getting home about 2pm every day. (with my own 2 year old) I get her fed and the my 11 year old comes home at 3. We're 2 weeks into his school and already he has late homework, forgotten books, and one demerit. (he is ADHD). Then my 7 year old gets home at 4:15. The 11 & 7 year old have to do homework and be at football practice by 6:30 and yes somewhere in there I am to cook dinner for us to eat when we get home. My 2 year old gets drug along and the boys practice at different fields. Practice is over at 8pm we're usually in by 8:30. All the kids in bed by 9:30, dishes by 10. Then there is laundry, grocery lists & shopping, bills that need to be tended too and to top it all off my oldest has to be up at 5am to catch the bus at 6am!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE DOES IT END?
Maybe my A realizes that if he tied one on right now that it would be the straw that broke the camels back!?!?!?!?!
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I will pray for strength for tomorrow. I hope that everyone else is more relaxed than I am.
Constant:dead:
SOMEBODY STOP ME. I can't just give in to the feeling of security that I have right now. I know in my heart that the binge is out there lurking, waiting for the worst possible moment to arrive. I HATE FEELING like this. He is a good man with bad habits.
Maybe I am just too over stressed to be strong and today is just a backslide day. I teach 3 year olds (which is challenging enough) and it is supposed to be for half a day, well I have been getting home about 2pm every day. (with my own 2 year old) I get her fed and the my 11 year old comes home at 3. We're 2 weeks into his school and already he has late homework, forgotten books, and one demerit. (he is ADHD). Then my 7 year old gets home at 4:15. The 11 & 7 year old have to do homework and be at football practice by 6:30 and yes somewhere in there I am to cook dinner for us to eat when we get home. My 2 year old gets drug along and the boys practice at different fields. Practice is over at 8pm we're usually in by 8:30. All the kids in bed by 9:30, dishes by 10. Then there is laundry, grocery lists & shopping, bills that need to be tended too and to top it all off my oldest has to be up at 5am to catch the bus at 6am!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHERE DOES IT END?
Maybe my A realizes that if he tied one on right now that it would be the straw that broke the camels back!?!?!?!?!
Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. I will pray for strength for tomorrow. I hope that everyone else is more relaxed than I am.
Constant:dead:
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi Constant
Being a mom and having as much responsibility as you have, is bound to take its toll on you.
I can't make suggestions about changing your busy schedule, because I know how important it is to keep your children active.
But you have to find some time in there somewhere just for you.
Can you husband take charge for a couple of hours in the afternoon, so you can have some time to relax and do nice things for yourself? OR do the everning running, so you can have a night home alone? Could someone else take them to football practice once or twice a week?
If not, what about a babysitter for an hour a day or one afternoon a week?
I'm afraid that if you stretch yourself any thinner, you will snap. We all would under these circumstances.
Think about what you could do to make a little more time for yourself. You're worth it.
Being a mom and having as much responsibility as you have, is bound to take its toll on you.
I can't make suggestions about changing your busy schedule, because I know how important it is to keep your children active.
But you have to find some time in there somewhere just for you.
Can you husband take charge for a couple of hours in the afternoon, so you can have some time to relax and do nice things for yourself? OR do the everning running, so you can have a night home alone? Could someone else take them to football practice once or twice a week?
If not, what about a babysitter for an hour a day or one afternoon a week?
I'm afraid that if you stretch yourself any thinner, you will snap. We all would under these circumstances.
Think about what you could do to make a little more time for yourself. You're worth it.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Constant,
Try not to focus on your husbands future binge. When you do that you rob yourself of today's joy. Enjoy it while it lasts and hopefully it will last.
My son is on thirty days right now and I'm not going to think of what might happen. I'm just trying to enjoy him while I have him this way. I too hope it lasts and I know it might not, but I'm not thinking about it. I'll handle it if it comes. You will too!
Hugs,
MG
Try not to focus on your husbands future binge. When you do that you rob yourself of today's joy. Enjoy it while it lasts and hopefully it will last.
My son is on thirty days right now and I'm not going to think of what might happen. I'm just trying to enjoy him while I have him this way. I too hope it lasts and I know it might not, but I'm not thinking about it. I'll handle it if it comes. You will too!
Hugs,
MG
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Constant!
Not everyone who quits drinking successfully gets help. As a matter of fact, the number one way that people quit drinking is to just quit drinking. It may be a mistake to assume that because your husband is not in a program that his progress is not valid. Few programs recommend attempting moderation to people who have been addicted, but there are a couple out there.
It's wise of you to understand that recovery is an up and down process, and that there could be some more bumpy times. However, MG is right. You cheat yourself of today when you try to live in tomorrow... especially if you're fearing an unhappy tomorrow.
I'm on a skinny budget at the moment, but a friend took me out to eat today. Tomorrow I have to go back to peanut butter, but I wasn't thinking about that when I was scarfing today's spaghetti.
Enjoy your spaghetti.
Hugs,
Smoke
Not everyone who quits drinking successfully gets help. As a matter of fact, the number one way that people quit drinking is to just quit drinking. It may be a mistake to assume that because your husband is not in a program that his progress is not valid. Few programs recommend attempting moderation to people who have been addicted, but there are a couple out there.
It's wise of you to understand that recovery is an up and down process, and that there could be some more bumpy times. However, MG is right. You cheat yourself of today when you try to live in tomorrow... especially if you're fearing an unhappy tomorrow.
I'm on a skinny budget at the moment, but a friend took me out to eat today. Tomorrow I have to go back to peanut butter, but I wasn't thinking about that when I was scarfing today's spaghetti.
Enjoy your spaghetti.
Hugs,
Smoke
Paused
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: Chicago
Posts: 175
****{Constant }}} : )
I hope things continue on for you in a positive way with your A. That would be wonderful. Haing three kids..........ahhhhhhhhh I sure recall what that was like. I had one here, one there and one over there! Running,going and doing! 24/7.... Plus a job....and single. It was manic. But I miss it sooooooooooo much now. It might be crazy for you to even imagine, but some day the house will be so quiet you can hear a pin drop and that day will make you sad. I know it is hard to imagine when it is insanity on a daily basis, but time goes by so fast
My Grandaughter was such a pain on Monday ...cried all day, she is just five months....with the divorce and stress going on I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown! I had to think hard and say next thing you know...you will hhear she is off to college ...enjoy her today.
I hope you can have some very good days!
Love
Kitty
I hope things continue on for you in a positive way with your A. That would be wonderful. Haing three kids..........ahhhhhhhhh I sure recall what that was like. I had one here, one there and one over there! Running,going and doing! 24/7.... Plus a job....and single. It was manic. But I miss it sooooooooooo much now. It might be crazy for you to even imagine, but some day the house will be so quiet you can hear a pin drop and that day will make you sad. I know it is hard to imagine when it is insanity on a daily basis, but time goes by so fast
My Grandaughter was such a pain on Monday ...cried all day, she is just five months....with the divorce and stress going on I thought I was going to have a nervous breakdown! I had to think hard and say next thing you know...you will hhear she is off to college ...enjoy her today.
I hope you can have some very good days!
Love
Kitty
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Well it happened. Friday he was pretty lit when I got home. I saw his friends car at the local bar. Found out later that the friend was with him. I didn't mention that I had seen the car there since he isn't supposed to be there and all. They "cooked out" at our house that evening. I had dinner with a girlfriend even though I was really worried about the kids. I put my two year old down before I left and talked with the 11 year old. Told him he could call me if ANYTHING was concerning him and that I wouldn't tell his dad he had called me, I would just come home.
We were supposed to go riding today (which I had been looking forward to doing since it is about the only thing we do without our kids) but, since I didn't "perform" (sex) this morning he decided that we wouldn't go. I decided right there that I wasn't going to sit home, so I loaded up all the kids and we went shopping (at Wal-mart lol) and to the Mexican Rest. He was drunk when we got home. I didn't say a word, but I did agree to go and pick up his dinner. Not a big deal. Better than sitter here listening to him.
Even though he had a bad weekend mine was still good (both my boys scored their 1st touchdowns) except the fact that I am saddened that he isn't helping himself.
Constant
We were supposed to go riding today (which I had been looking forward to doing since it is about the only thing we do without our kids) but, since I didn't "perform" (sex) this morning he decided that we wouldn't go. I decided right there that I wasn't going to sit home, so I loaded up all the kids and we went shopping (at Wal-mart lol) and to the Mexican Rest. He was drunk when we got home. I didn't say a word, but I did agree to go and pick up his dinner. Not a big deal. Better than sitter here listening to him.
Even though he had a bad weekend mine was still good (both my boys scored their 1st touchdowns) except the fact that I am saddened that he isn't helping himself.
Constant
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Constant,
I remember those days as well. I had a friend whose kids were in some of the same activities as mine, and we did our own little carpool so we didn't BOTH lose our minds. We determined it was better not to depend on the spousal units to do any of the carting to and fro. My boys laugh now about all the times they ate peanut butter sandwiches and changed into their uniforms in the back of our minivan!
As for your A, he'll do what he does. One of the best things I've heard recently is to remember he's not doing it TO you, he's just doing it. Be sure to take care of yourself and know that friends are just a click away!
I remember those days as well. I had a friend whose kids were in some of the same activities as mine, and we did our own little carpool so we didn't BOTH lose our minds. We determined it was better not to depend on the spousal units to do any of the carting to and fro. My boys laugh now about all the times they ate peanut butter sandwiches and changed into their uniforms in the back of our minivan!
As for your A, he'll do what he does. One of the best things I've heard recently is to remember he's not doing it TO you, he's just doing it. Be sure to take care of yourself and know that friends are just a click away!
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Constant,
There is not alot that I can add to the above except....you done good! Keep on keepin' on....as you grow in this program your strength will exceed your wildest dreams. You already have a very good start!
Hugs,
JT
There is not alot that I can add to the above except....you done good! Keep on keepin' on....as you grow in this program your strength will exceed your wildest dreams. You already have a very good start!
Hugs,
JT
Paused
Join Date: Sep 2001
Location: Peoria, IL USA
Posts: 105
Constant-
Isn't it amazing that 6th sense we have about an upcoming binge. Even as hectic and busy with the kids as you were, you kind of knew it was coming. If we could only possess a skip time machine and get to the next GOOD time and miss their drinking with the buddies. I used to kind of blame his friends but then I realized no one forced him and most times they kept him from getting his butt kicked. Anyway, Enjoy the kids and your 24 hours. He is the one missing out on the two touchdowns. My 17 year old is already trying to cut out of the nest and I miss her company, even though her siblings don't. Hang in there.
Isn't it amazing that 6th sense we have about an upcoming binge. Even as hectic and busy with the kids as you were, you kind of knew it was coming. If we could only possess a skip time machine and get to the next GOOD time and miss their drinking with the buddies. I used to kind of blame his friends but then I realized no one forced him and most times they kept him from getting his butt kicked. Anyway, Enjoy the kids and your 24 hours. He is the one missing out on the two touchdowns. My 17 year old is already trying to cut out of the nest and I miss her company, even though her siblings don't. Hang in there.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Thanks everyone for the responses. It is good to know that friends are just a click away!!!
I do have several friends that can help me with the boys and that is a goooooood thing!
Today has been good so far, I'm fighting off a cold or sinus infections or allergies. Not sure which it is yet but I'm sure I will in a day or two.
You're all in my prayers,
Constant
I do have several friends that can help me with the boys and that is a goooooood thing!Today has been good so far, I'm fighting off a cold or sinus infections or allergies. Not sure which it is yet but I'm sure I will in a day or two.
You're all in my prayers,
Constant
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