New here but am so glad i found this board
Guest
Posts: n/a
New here but am so glad i found this board
Hi,
I have been reading everyones post for a couple of weeks now and finally got the courage too post.
Most of my family have passed on.
Dad died 1973 age 36 ..alcoholic
Brother died 1987 age 29..alcohol and cocaine
mom died 1995 age 61 recovering alcoholic, kidney disease
sister died 1997 age 34 alcoholic, died from overdose of cocaine
brother living..age 42 alcoholic..homeless been walking streets for 2 weeks because i finally said enough is enough not realizing that it would be so painful. I have stood my ground for 2 weeks
and he hates me right now.
He has had too sleep under bridges b/c homeless shelters were full..
But i refuse too bring him back in my house.. He abandoned his 13 yr old son, lost their home for the 5th time and sold all the furniture for beer. Everytime he drinks he quits his job. not counting the fact he also has had no license for 3 years.
I am 47 and the oldest and i think its time for me too recover from them..
I have a wonderful husband of 31yrs
2 sons both married
3 beautiful grandchildren
Now my question is am i heading in the right direction for detachment...PLEASE TELL ME!!!!!!!!!
I have been reading everyones post for a couple of weeks now and finally got the courage too post.
Most of my family have passed on.
Dad died 1973 age 36 ..alcoholic
Brother died 1987 age 29..alcohol and cocaine
mom died 1995 age 61 recovering alcoholic, kidney disease
sister died 1997 age 34 alcoholic, died from overdose of cocaine
brother living..age 42 alcoholic..homeless been walking streets for 2 weeks because i finally said enough is enough not realizing that it would be so painful. I have stood my ground for 2 weeks
and he hates me right now.
He has had too sleep under bridges b/c homeless shelters were full..
But i refuse too bring him back in my house.. He abandoned his 13 yr old son, lost their home for the 5th time and sold all the furniture for beer. Everytime he drinks he quits his job. not counting the fact he also has had no license for 3 years.
I am 47 and the oldest and i think its time for me too recover from them..
I have a wonderful husband of 31yrs
2 sons both married
3 beautiful grandchildren
Now my question is am i heading in the right direction for detachment...PLEASE TELL ME!!!!!!!!!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Hi NanasSweeties
Welcome to our family. You say it's time you recovered from them? Then you've come to the right place. The tragedy in your family does not have to continue with you in yours. There is a better place to be...and it is called RECOVERY.
You've read our posts and I think you will see that we have all been where you are. And with a lot of love and a lot of hard work...you can be where we are today.
We share our pain and we share our victories, we cry together and we laugh so hard they can hear us way over on the other boards, we grow strong together and we hold each other up when we are weak. And it just gets better and better every day.
Pull up a chair, put on your bunny slippers, make yourself comfortable here...our home is your home.
Glad to have you join us.
Welcome to our family. You say it's time you recovered from them? Then you've come to the right place. The tragedy in your family does not have to continue with you in yours. There is a better place to be...and it is called RECOVERY.
You've read our posts and I think you will see that we have all been where you are. And with a lot of love and a lot of hard work...you can be where we are today.
We share our pain and we share our victories, we cry together and we laugh so hard they can hear us way over on the other boards, we grow strong together and we hold each other up when we are weak. And it just gets better and better every day.
Pull up a chair, put on your bunny slippers, make yourself comfortable here...our home is your home.
Glad to have you join us.
Guest
Posts: n/a
Welcome NanasSweeties,
I'm sorry you've had so much tragedy in your life. I think what you are doing with your brother is right on track and I give you a great big pat on the back for being so strong.
Remember that these are the choices he made and the consequences of his choices. It is not your responsibility to pick up the pieces for him. Let him hate you. He is just blaming you instead of looking at his own behavior. My son hated me too when I refused to listen to him or help him until he was ready to help himself.
Keep your boundaries in place.
Hugs,
MG
I'm sorry you've had so much tragedy in your life. I think what you are doing with your brother is right on track and I give you a great big pat on the back for being so strong.
Remember that these are the choices he made and the consequences of his choices. It is not your responsibility to pick up the pieces for him. Let him hate you. He is just blaming you instead of looking at his own behavior. My son hated me too when I refused to listen to him or help him until he was ready to help himself.
Keep your boundaries in place.
Hugs,
MG
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Welcome!
You sound very much like me...I have surrounded my whole life with a variety of addicted people and it takes it's toll.
I used to say that I was the only one who turned out normal...what a laugh I have about that now. I am far from normal! I am a raging codependent and I have to keep a constant watch over my emotions and my behaviors and I know now that this is life long.
I crashed and burned emotionally before I entered the program of Al Anon and I was welcomed and I have never looked back....so again...welcome! You are in the right place!
Hugs,
JT
You sound very much like me...I have surrounded my whole life with a variety of addicted people and it takes it's toll.
I used to say that I was the only one who turned out normal...what a laugh I have about that now. I am far from normal! I am a raging codependent and I have to keep a constant watch over my emotions and my behaviors and I know now that this is life long.
I crashed and burned emotionally before I entered the program of Al Anon and I was welcomed and I have never looked back....so again...welcome! You are in the right place!
Hugs,
JT
Grace Under Fire
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Another world
Posts: 536
Welcome Nana,
You have been through alot, I am so
sorry for your losses to this disease.
Definitely you are doing the right thing
with your brother-he will have to own
up to his disease eventually.
Take care and keep coming back!
Hugs,
You have been through alot, I am so
sorry for your losses to this disease.
Definitely you are doing the right thing
with your brother-he will have to own
up to his disease eventually.
Take care and keep coming back!
Hugs,
Paused
Join Date: Dec 2001
Location: Big Sandy, TN
Posts: 42
Nana,
"Recovery from them"....I never quite looked at it from that point of view before. THANK YOU! I relate to that remark. Please know that it is exactly that. You have to recover from them. You are just where you should be.
Be thankful to your HP that you have a wonderful husband, children and a life to call your own. Your brother will make his own mistakes. He may decide to get help or he may not. He is angry right now, but will come around. Continue to pray, as this source will be the only one who can help you or him. Know that you are a very strong individual and that you are very unique.
Know that I am praying for you everyday!
Lolly
"Recovery from them"....I never quite looked at it from that point of view before. THANK YOU! I relate to that remark. Please know that it is exactly that. You have to recover from them. You are just where you should be.
Be thankful to your HP that you have a wonderful husband, children and a life to call your own. Your brother will make his own mistakes. He may decide to get help or he may not. He is angry right now, but will come around. Continue to pray, as this source will be the only one who can help you or him. Know that you are a very strong individual and that you are very unique.
Know that I am praying for you everyday!
Lolly
Guest
Posts: n/a
Thank you so much for this support group. I have done alot of soul searching and reading in the last month.
I told my husband that this tough love scared the crap outta me at first. These feelings felt like they came over night and i know without a doubt that it was because i finally let go and let my HP be the pilot.
Its a good feeling deep inside too know that its not my responsibility too pick my brother up and brush him off. And too constantly remind him of what it has done too his loved ones ( like he was suppose too care ) I just gave him what he thought was a good reason too drink another one. Then it was poor me= Pour me another one..Its not my place too give him a household of furniture every year so he can walk off and leave it in the house that he was evicted from..
I now know that finally i can focus on my life and not care what others think of me.
I will pray for him daily but that is all i will do!!!!!!
Its now between him and his HP. He has a choice just like i did I could be Co-Dependant or Co-Dependant NO MORE..Thank god for the latter of the two.
Again i thank you all for being such an inspiration too me and I too will be praying for all of you.
Wooo it felt GOOD too vent
I told my husband that this tough love scared the crap outta me at first. These feelings felt like they came over night and i know without a doubt that it was because i finally let go and let my HP be the pilot.
Its a good feeling deep inside too know that its not my responsibility too pick my brother up and brush him off. And too constantly remind him of what it has done too his loved ones ( like he was suppose too care ) I just gave him what he thought was a good reason too drink another one. Then it was poor me= Pour me another one..Its not my place too give him a household of furniture every year so he can walk off and leave it in the house that he was evicted from..
I now know that finally i can focus on my life and not care what others think of me.
I will pray for him daily but that is all i will do!!!!!!
Its now between him and his HP. He has a choice just like i did I could be Co-Dependant or Co-Dependant NO MORE..Thank god for the latter of the two.
Again i thank you all for being such an inspiration too me and I too will be praying for all of you.
Wooo it felt GOOD too vent
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
So glad u found us
Nanas,
I am relitively new here too, and it is a solace and a comfort to check into this "world" every day. To see that I am not alone, and to find answers and seek recovery... sometimes we just need a friend.
When I read your post, I got a sense of where u must be at emotionally... it seems time for you to recover - welcome it with open arms.
My heart goes out to you, and also to your brother. I often try to imagine how it feels to be an addict; of course I count my blessings that I am not. Although he is hurting, so are YOU, and by not letting him live with you any longer you have made the first step in YOUR recovery. You have every reason to feel proud... Sanity and serenity is just around the corner.
Welcome, and big hugs to you,
Meg
I am relitively new here too, and it is a solace and a comfort to check into this "world" every day. To see that I am not alone, and to find answers and seek recovery... sometimes we just need a friend.
When I read your post, I got a sense of where u must be at emotionally... it seems time for you to recover - welcome it with open arms.
My heart goes out to you, and also to your brother. I often try to imagine how it feels to be an addict; of course I count my blessings that I am not. Although he is hurting, so are YOU, and by not letting him live with you any longer you have made the first step in YOUR recovery. You have every reason to feel proud... Sanity and serenity is just around the corner.
Welcome, and big hugs to you,
Meg
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
Hi all. I am new to this also but wanted to check in and say hello. I have been reading your postings daily, and I want you to know how happy I am to have found you. There are many times late at night (like now) when I am in need of a meeting... and it seems all I have to do is come here and find a wonderful group of people who are all struggling with similar issues but talking RECOVERY.
Thanks for being here!
Thanks for being here!
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Welcome Osier
I am happy to welcome you to our forum too. We have enough bunny slippers for everyone.
Make yourself at home, and when you feel comfortable start a thread and tell us a little about yourself. You probably already know a lot about us, and know now that we have all been where you are.
Glad you joined us.
I am happy to welcome you to our forum too. We have enough bunny slippers for everyone.
Make yourself at home, and when you feel comfortable start a thread and tell us a little about yourself. You probably already know a lot about us, and know now that we have all been where you are.
Glad you joined us.
I used to work here ;)
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: I live in Trevose, PA & collect Barbies :)
Posts: 2,024
Welcome everyone!!
Here are the bunny slippers, take your pick
Seriously, this is a great place for support and we are all glad to have you join our family.
Take care.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
Here are the bunny slippers, take your pick
Seriously, this is a great place for support and we are all glad to have you join our family.
Take care.
Many hugs.
Love,
Debbie
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
